NBA champs Laker's secret winning formula! (it's not Kobe)

The Lakers are on the verge of a three peat. Again. Like the one in 2000-2003. They have the basketball world befuddled. How do they manage to be so consistent? It is maddeningly befuddling for the other teams to try and find a way to beat them. Well, be fuddled no longer, I’m about to pull back the curtains on their dark secret. Yeah, eat your heart out Laker fans.

Before we begin, let’s get one thing out of the way. Kobe Bryant. Thanks to media propaganda like the following illustration, people think that he is one of the reasons for their wins.

Common misconception

Well, he’s not. I’ll provide three simple reasons proving why he is a non factor.

1) The 2004-2006 seasons when he played without the secret winning formula. Here is a look at their record:2004- 34-482005- 45-372006- 42-40

Barely .500. Numbers don’t lie.

2) Remember that line from ‘Without me’? I think it went: ‘Kobe, you can get stomped by Obie’. Obie here refers to Obie Trice, a fragile rapper. If he can stomp Kobe, then Kobe isn’t anything to write home about.

3) Also Kobe is named after a Japanese version of beef. When people hear Kobe, they think cow. When they think cow they think this:

Uh…Moo

Ok, getting down to it, the reason Lakers win and win again and again. It’s about balanced Zen. Yin and Yang.

Look at Phil Jackson a.k.a Zen master. His pics scream Zen. Or rather, they float the word Zen as a gentle whisper into your subconscious, like those floating balls.

Feel the Zen overflowing

Look at his record. He has 11 rings, 6 with Bulls, 5 with Lakers. Get this, all his rings came in three peat’s. 1990-93. 1995-1998. 2000-2003. And the current streak is on the verge of being a three peat. And Phil says he will retire after this season if he wins a ring. Retire on his 12th ring, 4 sets of 3 peat’s, 4X3=12. Hah! Math! Q.E.D. Hence proved the secret has something to do with 3.

Ok now we’ve established that, 3 is the secret. So far so good, but 3 what exactly? Three French hens? No, here is where we shine the spotlight on 3 variables:

variable x- Phil’s Zen, the Yinvariable y- Crazy baller’s Yangvariable z- Championship rings

The equation looks like this:

Phil Jackson’ Yin + Crazy baller’s Yang = Championship rings

Phil is Zenned out completely. His Zen powers, however, need some balancing factor to yield desired outcomes. Enter the crazies. Look closely at the rosters which won rings with Phil, there’s always a crazy or two among them.

What set me on this scent was a seemingly throwaway quote from Kobe on their latest acquisition, Matt Barnes. Said Kobe: “Anyone who’s crazy enough to mess with me is crazy enough to play with me!” From that point on, it was simple for an astute observer to put the pieces together. The Lakers always make sure they have enough crazy surrounding Phil. This releases his Zen energy which helps them steamroll the competition.

In the present season, the Lakers aren’t taking any chances. Ron Artest thanked his psychiatrist after winning the 2010 title, indicating he was getting treatment for his crazy. Thus the Lakers have acquired the aforementioned Matt Barnes to up the ante on the crazy scale. Although I have a suspicion that he isn’t the only crazy on the roster.

Steve Blake, teeth bared. Crazy? Maybe

So there you have it, the winning formula of the Lakers. Take Phil Jackson (x), crazy up the roster enough to offset his Zen, and be the yang to his yin (y) thus creating an optimum balanced energy which results in more rings than Phil can wear on his hands (z). Once again:

x + y = z. Simple

Links:

(1) http://basketbawful.blogspot.com/2007/09/shaqs-top-14-nicknames.html

Kobe and Dennis Rodman illustration via: http://www.joecannaday.com/sports-library.htm