It is exactly one year ago today that LeBron James made an ass of himself on a national tv special to announce where he was planning to play basketball for the 2010-2011 season. Instead of wasting time writing about how big of a debacle that whole “look how great I am” public relations disaster was, I wanted to bust the balls of Fortune Magazine and their “100 Greatest Things About America” list.
I love this country because of the thousands of reasons that make it the envy of every other nation around the world. I don’t blame Fortune Magazine for only listing 100 things that make America great, but how in the blue hell did LeBron James make this list?! It must be because of James’ momentum coming off of his state championship in his senior season for St. Vincent-St. Mary’s. I mean, really. How can a guy who has as many NBA championships as I do make a list about what makes this country great? It’s a travesty. For a second, I figured that this was an ESPN list.
By the way, if you want to throw up, check out the Boo-Yaa Network’s homepage today. You would have thought that James cured cancer one year ago tonight.
Take a gander at the list that Fortune Magazine put together. It’s well done, but when you see James checking in at number 33, it makes you want to vomit. What has he contributed to America? At least Tom Brady has banged a bunch of hot models in between winning 3 SuperBowls. James ranks ahead of Budweiser, Jay-Z, Oscar Mayer hot dogs, Hank Aaron (really?!), Gatorade (the drink that James slams as he gets ready to piss away another 4th quarter), Times Square, Seinfeld, Diet Coke, Men and Women serving in the Armed Forces (no words), Clint Eastwood (I’m starting to hate this list), & Nike (don’t get me going).
Oh, and he ranks ahead of GPS. I’ll let you digest that for a second. If there was a LeBron GPS app, millions of people will hear him tell you the wrong way to get to your destination.
When you see that list, where would you put a guy who has had everything handed to him on a silver platter and is still ring-less? He has done zero for this country except provide sarcastic bastards like me with years full of “LeBron’s not a winner” material. Think about it, when has he contributed to America? I know that, he “spoils people with his play,” but that doesn’t do much for me.
This list gives props to influential people like Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, Colin Powell, Steve Jobs, & the Navy Seals. Thanks again, Seal Team 6. It also recognizes the Boeing 747, Caterpillar, The Bill of Rights, & The Sears Tower. Does LeBron James belong anywhere near any of these things or important people? It’s ridiculous.
I’ll bet you anything that when LeBrick saw this list he thought, “how am I not higher?! I’m King James dammit.” Whatever.
Number one on the list is opportunity. That is the true beauty of this country. LeBron James has been given every opportunity to become the most dominant athlete on the court, and one of it’s most influential off of it. Unfortunately for the PR nightmare, he has wasted away all of that. His legacy will never live up to the talent that he possesses. ESPN will never tell you that because they are indebted to this guy more than any athlete who has ever laced up a pair of Nike’s. When he made his “decision,” he killed his off the court appeal that Jordan had. So, why is he even on this list? I wish I knew. The hard on for the most over hyped athlete ever is down right nauseating. LeBron is a great basketball player, but if he is one of the great things about this country, then this country blows. And I know that’s not the case whether LeBron James’ massive ego is a part of it or not.
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