The only reason this post is getting written right now is that Coming To America is on, and it’s helping me forget that false start fest that was the Lions national embarrassment of the Bears on Monday night. If Darryl didn’t just ask Akeem, “what kinda games ya’ll play in Africa, chase the monkey?” I’d be passed out right now hoping to dream about being in Jamaica with multiple hotties and a ton of drinks.
I don’t want to inundate you with stats, but some of these are popping. You forget sometimes just how bad a team played when it’s such a disaster, but these numbers will be remembered when you and your crew want to laugh about bad Bears Monday night games…
9 false starts. Abysmal. The 6 “we don’t know the play or the snap count” penalties in the 1st half set an NFL record. Who said the Bears are incapable of making history? You couldn’t be this bad in Madden if you tried.
1 encroachment penalty.
1 holding penalty. Wait, only 1? I could have sworn there were at least 19.
2 unnecessary roughness penalties that showed a lack of discipline, and a lack of focus in the moment. When you lose your head (at any level in any sport), you might as well pack your shit up and find something else to do with yourself.
14 penalties. What needs to be said? It felt like we were subjected to watching an immature and dumb Raiders team under Art Shell or Bill Callahan.
How repulsive are those numbers? This was supposed to be a contending team? Excuse me while I vomit on myself. And no, that’s not because I just ate McDowell’s.
It doesn’t seem that long ago that the defense was one of the 5 best units in the league, does it? Those days are over. At least for this group as we have come to know them. Julius Peppers played hurt, but hasn’t been as disruptive as he was last year. Lance Briggs and Brian Urlacher are still playing at a high level, but the front four’s inability to do anything has put added pressure on them to stop the run, and make plays in the open field. Charles Tillman always gives you an honest effort, but he’s surrounded by 3 stiffs who can’t play dead. And yes, it’s irrelevant which safety combo is in the game to give up 73 yard bombs to the best receiver on the planet.
As for the safeties, take a few seconds and ask yourself if you’ve ever seen a worse position group that isn’t called the Bears offensive line? Chris Harris’ hamstring better be torn, or else he’s another guy that can’t leave this team soon enough. Brandon Meriweather is a piece of shit. He has no clue what he’s doing, other than that he wants to concuss your brain with a dirty hit. Now you know why Bill Belichick couldn’t wait to get rid of this asshole. I’d cut him tomorrow.
This Tampa-2 scheme is designed to prevent big plays. So what did the Bears do? They gave up the bomb to Megatron, and let Jahvid Best go 88 yards UNTOUCHED to the house. Awesome. Seriously, do you know how hard it is to not get within 5 yards of a guy on football field?
Look at this, 530 words and I’m just getting to the offense. How the Bears led this game 10-7 at the half speaks to how pathetic this unit was sans the only two guys on that side of the ball that can play (Jay Cutler & Matt Forte). The over hyped Lions were begging the Bears to march on them in the 1st quarter by committing dumb penalties, but the Bears still burned up all 3 of their timeouts before the 2nd 15 minutes. Shocking, I know. How can this team not get a play in? Again! If only Mike Martz’s contract expired on Halloween.
It finally took until the 2nd half (and another sack) for Lovie to bench Frank Omiyale. Oh my Christ is he the worst offensive lineman I have ever seen. No joke, he might be worse than Stan Thomas. When you and your friends are talking about bad Bears Monday night games years from now, you’ll also talk about how horrifically bad Omiyale was. If you told me that he is suffering from some sort of incurable disease, I’d totally believe you.
J’Marcus Webb blows too–so do the receivers. The job Jay Cutler did in surviving this nightmare can’t be talked about enough. And if I’m Matt Forte, I don’t want the extension from this team. I’d hit free agency, and go to a team that will put receivers around me who don’t look like they have aids. Yes, I’m looking at you, Roy Williams.
This game was the ultimate indictment on Jerry Angelo. If this doesn’t get this man fired at the end of the year (or hopefully sooner), then the Bears really do only care about taking your season ticket money. The holes in this roster have the Bears looking like the Wanny led train wrecks of the late 90?s. Where this goes from here is for tomorrow. For now, I’m going back to Coming To America because writing this post just made me nauseous again.
Before I go, here is what I would have said if I was Lovie Smith after this embarrassment…