The added scrutiny on Sachin Tendulkar and the below-par performance of the middle order has prompted the BCCI to turn its attention to the ma- for-all-seasons once again.
In a press release, the spokesperson of the BCCI said, ‘It is indeed a terrible time when media personnel and armchair pundits start questioning the pedigree of legends such as Sachin Tendulkar. With the retirement of two more of the fabled Big 4, yet more pressure has fallen on the shoulders of Sachin.
‘In accordance, the BCCI has decided to un-retire Dravid from Test cricket with immediate effect. The strategy is quite clear: now, there will be reams written about how Dravid is still good enough to play for the country and how he should never have retired in the first place. Then there will be the inevitable criticism of the BCCI for bringing him back instead of blooding young talent.
‘Now the BCCI would like to clarify one thing: the BCCI is answerable to no one but the BCCI itself and right now, even the BCCI cannot question the BCCI’s decision for these are matters internal to the BCCI and the BCCI has no say in such affairs. If that sounds confusing, the BCCI can take it up with the BCCI.
‘With regards bringing Dravid back, we have a proven track-record of doing so, most notably when we brought him back for the Champions Trophy, in which year I forget, but it is of no consequence. As I was saying, we did it once and we will do it again. The BCCI actually had a grievance against Rahul Dravid for retiring so suddenly. In fact, the he has been a loyal servant of the BCCI for that long that it is only the BCCI that can, in legality, announce his retirement. Hence, we actually declare his retirement void, in which case we have no need to un-retire him. So, you see the dilemma that this has put the BCCI under? We are forced to un-retire a player who is not retired in the first place.
‘For the skeptics amongst you lot who sneer at the BCCI for such ‘frivolous’ acts as you call them, the BCCI can only say that the BCCI has hired the world’s foremost retirement expert as a consultant on this matter – a certain Mr. Shahid Afridi. Not even the most cynical detester of the BCCI can argue against the logic of this choice. After all, no one in world cricket has a better track record of retirements and subsequent comebacks than Mr. Afridi.
‘Thank you ladies and gentlemen, for you time and it is now time to close this press conference. Any questions can be directed to the BCCI which might or might not answer them depending on the nature and relevance of the question.
Rahul Dravid was unavailable for comment but he was seen practicing at the nets in the Chinnaswamy Stadium.
The chief of selectors was approached for his comment on the whole issue and in typical style, he responded, ‘Boss, just shadaap, OK?’