The Ashes 2013: Of being English and Indian - a singularity of exchanges

Predictably, there was a huge furore once it came to light about the saga of English cricketers urinating on the Oval pitch after the English victory at the Ashes. It was a huge revelation indeed – considering it was the Australian media that reported the incident in the first place – that blew off the English reputation of playing the ‘Gentleman’s game’ thoroughly, and amplified Sir George Bernard Shaw’s statement about fools playing (in this case, a game of an altogether different sort) and fools watching them play from around the stands.

Speaking of fools and foolishness, cricket as a sport has always struck me as funny; if not foolish. As reiterated earlier, it is supposed to be a gentleman’s game, but is rarely ever played in a manner befitting a gentleman. There are so many instances where the idealistic and lofty expectations of playing as gentlemen has gone in for a toss, leaving others to pick up and assemble the pieces of the sport.

James Anderson of England receives the ball from Stuart Broad during day three of the First Test match between New Zealand and England at University Oval on March 8, 2013 in Dunedin, New Zealand. (Photo by Hannah Johnston/Getty Images)

Players sledge left, right and centre so much so that even sledging has gone on to take a primary pedestal amongst the game’s do’s and don’ts. If players don’t sledge, they go on to take the next extreme. They take money – on top of what is given to them professionally – and cheat. With sophistication and attitude never seen before. And those who don’t cheat by taking money off the field, they cheat while the game’s in play by not walking off the pitch. Cue Stuart Broad in this case, whose affinity with the pitch, both at the Oval and at Trent Bridge, is sure to go down in Ashes history.

I, however, am digressing from what I intend to convey. Overlooking the fact about the irony of the sport’s expected and actual conduct, this is what the three English cricketers’ fascination to attending to nature’s call on the pitch looks like. At least to an Indian, it does so. Note that in this case, I am speaking out merely as an Indian and not as a sports fan. Sports, in this scenario, doesn’t make an appearance at all but is rather a by-the-by event without any actual significance or import.

In India, there is a lot stored by way of displaying openness. Certain things are however supposed to occur behind closed doors or rather euphemistically behind two extremely close flowers; but for the men in the country, openness abounds.

Wherever a person travels in India, be it a semi-developed, semi-urban or a rural township or even an uber-suave and developed metropolis like Mumbai, one can always find men doing what the three English cricketers infamously did at the Oval. So much so that even if one wants to avert one’s eyes and look in the opposite direction, one stands the possibility of finding some random guy doing the same thing at the other end as well. By this, I do not mean to connote that India is a land of evil, but the simplest fact that as good as India is, the predominant nature of most of its populace at times makes life a living hell for the rest.

And in all honesty, it doesn’t seem to shame or embarrass the men as much as it embarrasses the girls and women walking past. To them, it’s more of answering an expediency rather than any awkwardness making an appearance – like the English cricketers in question. In the rare off-chance that if at all there is someone who gets offended by such an uncivilised behaviour, rather than a common man complaining about the deed, it’s communities and groups citing religious or cultural misdemeanour that take umbrage to such behavioural antics.

What follows then is the token protests, media coverage and court dates and postponements and finally a verdict so delayed that may or may not affect the parties involved – either because of their death or because or some other issue having taken precedence over this one. The English cricket board, however, seems to have absolved the guilty parties by merely telling them to ‘grow up.’

Stuart Broad (L) and James Anderson of England pose with the urn after winning the Ashes during day five of the 5th Investec Ashes Test match between England and Australia at the Kia Oval on August 25, 2013 in London, England. (Photo by Gareth Copley/Getty Images)

For those who may wonder about any cohesion existing about the three English cricketers and Indians and their Indianness, I would like to pinpoint the correlation that exists between England – or Great Britain, if one would prefer – and its erstwhile colony, India.

The English behaviour in this instance appeared to have stemmed largely from the behavioural inputs provided by ours truly. Where India seems to have imbibed quite a bit of the rich British culture – including its language – it is only likely that in a weird twist of exchanges, the English cricketers (who spent the start of the 2012-13 season here in India) picked up some Indian traits, as unfavourable as they were, and going against the very grain of English societal ethics. That the action has affected the typical English sentimentality and thrown the whole aspect of the stiff upper lip into serious jeopardy is only to be expected.

As regards their rivals who got the incident into the limelight, in the first place; knowing the Australians’ track record with infamy, it is quite possible that there might be a bigger surprise of notoriety in store that the Australian cricketers would be planning – in retaliation. After all, they too had been spending time in the sub-continent in the summer.