5 players England must sack after the Ashes whitewash

Let us first get those adjectives out of the way: insipid, horrifying, horrendous, spineless, catastrophic, mind-numbing, deathly, bitter, repulsive, frazzled, exhausting, humiliating and the very apt ‘Boycott-ian’ rubbish! The swear words unfortunately cannot be listed here.

The manner in which England surrendered the urn was made all the more astonishing if you consider the dismemberment of the English side in the context of the glittering consecutive Ashes victories that they had amassed in recent years. The rejuvenated Australian side did not just knock England off from their pretty perch that they had set-up not so long ago with a glittering 3-0 victory earlier in 2013, but they sadistically trampled the cozy nest that the English had made stick-by-stick.

The defeat can only find its equivalent in a boxing metaphor: a battered, broken amateur boxer who is made to stand up and box out 15 rounds against a bull of a heavyweight champion even after multiple knockouts. They should have perhaps allowed England to throw in the towel and call ceasefire after the 2nd Test at Adelaide. It might have saved a few breakdowns and retirements.

The frightening thing for England is that the crown that they had pieced for themselves turned out to be illusory. Andy Flower, the architect at work, who was supposed to sustain a world-winning team, seems reduced now making unnecessary and unjustified calls for a ‘potential’ renaissance post the debacle.

The personnel who had carried England’s winning march withered under the pressure mounted down-under. And while credit must go to the Australians who were desperate for blood, the abysmal surrender calls for some radical and swift action.

Here is a list of five English players who certainly need a reminder that their place in the side isn’t permanent:

5. Matthew Prior/Jonny Bairstow

You only had to look to the other side to see what effect a quality wicketkeeper-batsman can have on the balance and performance of a cricket team. Brad Haddin was the second-highest run-getter for Australia finishing with 493 runs at an average of over 60.00 and while that maybe too much to ask of poor middling Englishmen against the roaring pace of Mitchell Johnson (metamorphosed into a modern Jeff Thomson), Matthew Prior’s return of two ducks from the first four innings of an Ashes series is just plain unacceptable.

Prior’s lack of form with the bat was not a new issue but had troubled him since March 2013 and glossed over by the consistency of other English batsmen. As an experienced campaigner whose role extended beyond holding catches and making runs, Matthew Prior failed to set an example in a side that seemed to lack leadership. Alastair Cook has already hinted that it might be a long-road back for Prior.

Prior’s replacement, on the other hand, was hardly an ideal replacement. Tentative with his glove-work and incompetent with the willow, Bairstow seemed caught like a cat on a hot tin-roof in a more-than-competitive Ashes environment. He continued the great tradition of duck-making established by his predecessor and was hardly someone who could have turned it around for England. He might have a few more games before England realize they need to explore some other options.

4. Graeme Swann (Retired)

He’s retired? Yea. I know. I say sack him still.

The decision has been dubbed ‘brave’ and ‘honest’ by many and while it maybe all that, it was certainly not what the team needed in that moment. England had already lost Jonathan Trott, a senior player, earlier in the series and needed experience in the dressing room. England hardly needed a media bust-up, reports of potential dressing room feuds that were certainly avoidable. Swann’s performances were not exceptional in any way in this series but they could have been discounted given the nature of the pitches.

He could have made a bit of merry in the later contest as Nathan Lyon did but he chose to throw in the towel and was, to my mind, the primary reason for the punctured performances in the last two Test matches. The team looked mentally exhausted and rejected the challenge.

3. The third bowler: Chris Tremlett/Tim Bresnan

While it is beyond any doubt that the fundamental cause of England’s downfall was their deflated batting, it must be noted that the Australians were making runs for fun at the fag end of the series. James Anderson was in the conversation in the debate about the best Test bowler prior to this series but he has lost a lot of his sheen.

He went wicketless in several innings of the match and was often scored off at a heavy run-rate. Stuart Broad was the man Australia wanted to hurt but he was the lone man who came out unscathed. He is a leader whose potential England can exploit if they do decide to give Alastair Cook a break. However, the cause of concern for England’s bowling department is the third seamer.

Tim Bresnan has been given the nod by England but this series proved what many thought deep in their hearts. He is not a threat comparable to Broad and Anderson and relieves pressure at one-end without making those relevant breakthroughs. He lacks breath-taking pace, prodigious or late swing, troubling movement off the pitch and he is not the accurate work-horse that Peter Siddle is. He is a bit-part player who is exposed in harsh testing conditions.

Chris Tremlett was given the go-ahead by England in the first test and he wasn’t horrible. He bowled his lengths but lacked that pace that makes his height come into play. It might be time that England explored a few new options. The positive is that they have some back-up in all-rounder Ben Stokes.

2. Kevin Pietersen

What do you call it? Natural flair and aggression or fool-hardiness? I think ‘brain-freeze’ describes it the best.

Kevin Pietersen’s displays with the bat revealed complacency to begin with but they degenerated into a casual approach characterized by swotting flies to get out of trouble. Kevin Pietersen’s manner of dismissals (caught at long-on, mid-wicket, deep-square leg!) revealed that he lost his psychological battles and Australia managed to plan his dismissals with relative ease.

When Pietersen did apply himself, it was visible that he was fighting his detractors and critics and the original battle had already been lost. He will still head back home without a century in the 10 innings he played on the tour albeit that he finished as England’s highest run-scorer with an average of just below 30.00. However, the greater perception is that Pietersen is marginalized in the team affairs. He is not a part of on-field banter, planning and is simply not offering his cent percent.

Andy Flower has never looked too comfortable with him since the ‘text-gate’ and even his staunchest supporters can see the writing on the wall. In an ideal situation, the 33-year old experienced campaigner should lend his wisdom and experience to budding new talent but the picture he cuts is that of an arrogant brat who will have it his way or the highway. The question is if England can channelize his talents in a constructive manner even as he remains a peripheral figure in the dressing room? The answer is, I think, no.

1. Alastair Cook as Captain

Alastair Cook lead a successful side for a considerable length of time capping of great performances at home with unlikely victories in the alien pitches of India but his leadership abilities always remained in doubt. Shane Warne was one of his primary critics who constantly attacked him for a lack of imagination, shortage of aggressive intent and subdued nature.

That might be something that is a part of the man’s overall character but it seems like England need a leader like Darren Lehmann who can breathe aggression and confidence into a new-look English side. Cook failed to hinder the downward-slide at critical moments in this series inspite of some dogged performances with the bat. Those too were few and far between.

The last thing England need is to lose their key batsman due to the pressure of captaincy. It might be a wise step to shed a little burden off his shoulders and allow him to breathe a little. You wouldn’t want to see him flee a sinking ship.

He must also take some responsibility for the collective failure of the batting department the extent of which is indicated by the fact that none of the English batsmen except Stokes made a ton in the entire series. The top six run-scorers of the series were all Australian and no England batsmen (barring Stokes again) touched the average of 30.00. The stats tell a grim story, and in this case they don’t lie.