Satire: ECB administrators shocked after realising weather can be predicted

“Can’t we just play in the rain, you know, like football?”

It was a case of late discovery here in London, as administrators of the English Cricket Board (ECB) realised, about 150 years too late, that the weather can actually be predicted, and they could have, in fact, stopped their ridiculous practice of hosting important cricket games in the fickle English monsoon.

“I was flipping through the Daily Post yesterday. For the first time in years, I didn’t collapse off to sleep which usually happens when I’m 2 pages into the ‘politics’ section. So then I saw a section called’ weather’. It said it wouldn’t rain today, and lo and behold, it didn’t! I was stunned!”, spoke an 82-year old member of the MCC. (The MCC is England’s version of the Indian parliament – fuddy-duddy octogenarians who have no idea what actually happens around them).

“I thought to myself – wow, science has really progressed!” wheezed the gentleman.

At the next board meeting, this ‘discovery’ was discussed and someone actually said that if the weather could be predicted, then possibly, the Board could stop scheduling cricket games in those months and making ‘total a*ses of ourselves’, in the words of a board member.

“Crickey, I’ve never understood it, y’know?”, said Tim, a cricket fan from Yorkshire, who was redeeming loyalty points on his brand of umbrellas. “I mean, they know the wettest season is June-July and they always insist on scheduling ‘em matches here. It’s bloody stupid, y’know?”

Indian expats are quite disgruntled too. “Quite silly this is”, said a man whose surname could have been either Patel, Singh or Nair (from a demographic point of view, of course). “If I wanted to sit and watch cricketers doing nothing while sitting in a sad place with and water leaking on me from all directions, I would have just continued to stay in my flat in Andheri”, he moaned.

Sources reveal that this is not the only ‘late discovery’ made by the English cricket board. Other sentences that were heard during the meeting:

“What, you can’t bowl underarm now? Since when?”

“Goodness me, so THAT’s where all these English cricketers go in April and May! “Sick granny” my foot!”

“South Africa? Hmph. They’ll let just about anybody play the game these days…”

“Why are so many South Africans playing for England?”

“Sachin Tendulkar is still playing? LOLZ”

“Wait… You can REVERSE sweep?! Wonders…”