Satire: A leaf out of the diary of Lord Sri Sir Ravindra Jadeja

Ravindra Jadeja in action during the 2015 World Cup

P.S: All the events in this write-up is fictional. Any person getting hurt shall be made to read the Article 19 of the Indian Constitution twenty times.

It has been a disappointing recent past for me. No, I am not talking about my performance. I will hold a press conference and make it clear that I was not dropped in the last ODI against Bangladesh. My IPL had expired. IPL, a.k.a, “Indian Playing license” has been issued to me by Dhoni, Duncan had attested it. Now that the validity has ceased, I need to get it renewed. Dhoni bhai has promised me that he will make it valid through 2020.

The process is taking time; there is a lot of paperwork involved. Had things shaped up on time, I would have been leading the side in Zimbabwe and not Rahane. Anyway, I am happy that I am not a part of India’s bench warming side. Aptly, Rahane has been named the captain of that side.

Last few days have been disappointing. Some random guy has accused me of fixing matches in return for money to the tunes of 20 crores and a few real estate properties. He is a liar, nobody has approached me with such a lucrative deal. Yes, I admit there was this guy who was ready to pay me twenty thousand bucks but I had turned down the offer politely.

Twenty Thousand is too meager an amount, even Gurunath uncle would have been ashamed if I had given in for this bit. I argued with the bookie but he was stout with his intentions. He said I did not deserve a penny more than that. The very moment he uttered ‘penny’, I knew that Yograj had sent him. I warned him that I would never be a part of a business whose vision is anti-Dhoni. I was saddened by his words, it was like getting stabbed right in the heart. But I moved on, life is like that.

Today Dhoni bhai lashed out at me in the hotel lobby. I was asked to swing hard before the game had begun. I mistook it and tried to swing hard with the short run up that I have. Unfortunately, the ball slipped out of my fingers and the batsman deposited it twenty rows in the stands. But out of all this, I have realized one thing – twenty is the number for me. I will request Dhoni bhai to grant me ‘20’ as my jersey number.

Since Dhoni bhai has retired from Test cricket, things have become a bit gloomy. I do not trust Virat Kohli. I am afraid he will throw me out of the team very soon. Dhoni bhai has assured me that nothing of that sort would happen. He told me to set up a one on one with Kohli. But his calendar has been blocked by “Private Appointments”. Oh man, I hate Anushka.

I am feeling a bit insecure with the presence of Ravi Shastri in the dressing room. He does not know that I am the fixed deposit in the Indian team. He has no idea about my IPL license. Anyway, it is getting pretty late and I shall write about Ravi tomorrow. Time to boil milk for MSD. It was Raina’s turn to do it today. But he is on a honeymoon vacation. So, I have stepped forward and have taken over the responsibility. This is all about team spirit and stewardship.