Satire: Why AB De Villiers is a vile human being

Virat Kohli and Wriddhiman Saha look on, AB de Villiers lives on to fight another day

Note: The following is a work of humour and is not meant to be taken in a serious manner.

As India piled up the South Africans within 3 days to win the first test, a lot of praises were hurled at the man in the center of all things: Ravindra Jadeja.

The slow left-arm bowler took 5 wickets in the last innings, his third 5-fer in his career, to ensure an emphatic victory for his side. But it doesn’t matter. What matters is how AB De Villiers displayed his true colours that revealed the kind of man that he truly is.

Everyone knows ABD for his swashbuckling approach, but that’s not all. His sportsmanlike conduct is also well-lauded in the cricketing fraternity as there were many a times he played fair and didn’t put the umpire in uncomfortable positions by simply walking away when he thought he was out.

But against India, he showed that he might not be the man that we think he is.

After he edged the ball off a Ravindra Jadeja delivery and ended up getting caught by Saha, the Indian players flailed their arms to appeal for his wicket. The umpire wasn’t convinced, and hence he was adjudged as not out.

However, the following TV replays showed that he had indeed edged the ball and was out. But he didn’t walk and stayed on like a cheat.

When asked about the incident, Indian team fan Kulules Scheep said: “De Villiers should be banned. He should not have come out to bat in the first place. India rarely win in Tests, so AB should have sat back in the dressing room and let India have an easier ride. But not only did he have the audacity to come out and bat, he also stood his ground when he was really out.”

Another fan, named Bireftof Nolej noted: “He [De Villiers] should learn from Sachin Tendulkar. That man left the pitch when he gloved a bouncer from Shoaib Akhtar despite his hand not being in contact with the bat at the moment of impact. That’s gamesmanship. And here we are cheering for ABD louder than we did for even Sachin.”

This was not the first time ABD did such a thing. Before he became popular, he once edged the ball to the legend Sachin himself and refused to walk despite being clearly out. Aleem Dhar failed to grasp it and ABD lived to die another day.

It doesn’t matter that De Villiers has shown many acts of gamesmanship in his career, for a failure to do so against India means it was a failure against humanity. And he should be punished for that—by listening to Rahul Gandhi’s rants.