What goes through a square-leg umpire’s mind?

The square-leg umpire is an intriguing figure, a lonely figure. The advent of the third umpire has made him the common man in a democracy – he has a vote, but the vote barely counts. Some umpires do as much as they can while some just resign to their fate. The problem with the square-leg umpire is that he has plenty of time – so much time, he would almost feel like an elected member of the House, who has nothing to do but doze off.

I mean, that’s a little offensive to the umpire – elected members are allowed to chill inside a cosy hall.

But, the square leg umpire is the only one during the game who pretends to be part of the action but isn’t actually. Every once in a while, he does catch some transgressions but mostly, he has to wait to get to the stumps where he can behave like a proper employee. Here are five things that probably go through his mind as his brain wanders on the lush green outfields.

#1 What is the purpose of life but the delegation of work!

The fielders have to spot the ball. The umpire at the bowling crease has to spot the no-ball. The batsman has to spot the gap. Everyone on the field is part of a bigger mission. The square-leg umpire though needn’t spot anything. I am sure that gives him an identity crisis. Yes, occasionally, there’ll be the appeal for stumping or run-out and he could, coolly, draw the box in the air and delegate the task to another person.

And these days, the fielders are polite enough to put the stumps back, so the square leg umpire doesn’t even have to run all the way to set them properly. Such nice kids!

#2 What goes around comes around?

Paul Reiffel found out the perils of being square leg umpire

Square leg umpires are sometimes under mortal danger; morbid thoughts will obviously surround them. In a recent match, Paul Reiffel found out to his detriment how anyone other than the square-leg umpire being absent-minded is bad news. Thankfully, Reiffel was alright eventually and jokes apart, it is always tough on the square leg umpire when the ball goes behind him.

The wrong throw could floor him and he cannot look in that general direction because he has to focus, officially speaking, on the crease. And then there are always the angry players who remember with their snake’s memory, a wrong decision that cost them a wicket or some runs. Can never be sure, who is out for blood!

#3 Should I walk slowly if I’m hungry?

The square leg umpire finally has his fifteen second of fame while declaring it’s time for lunch/tea

One of the weirdest rules in the cricket book is when lunch or tea is called in Tests. When we are near the clock and the over is up, the umpire at the bowling crease waits for the square-leg umpire to walk up to the stumps at the other end ‘at normal speed’. If the clock strikes lunch or tea before he reaches the stumps, the bails are off and the fielders have to trudge off the field too.

In such a scenario, the square-leg umpire’s walk is probably the most-focussed-upon event on the field. For once, the spotlight is on him and he might end up feeling like a ballerina – who has to measure every step of his!

#4 Should I make the TV umpire work just because I am paranoid?

Calling the third umpire is the surest way to avoid any blunder

A lot of times, square leg umpires take third umpire referrals to another level. The on-field umpires probably envy the third umpire. I am sure, the square leg umpire finds himself thinking, ‘Ah, there’s a run-out appeal, let me wake the third umpire up.

So, what if the batsman’s bat is beyond the stumps leave alone the popping crease!’ Sometimes, they may be paranoid too. I am sure they’re wondering, one way or the other, these crowds will think me a fool. Better embarrass myself by referring an innocuous decision than embarrass myself by not referring a decision and finding that I was inexcusably wrong!

#5 Who’s sneaking in behind me?

From protecting themselves to keeping a keen eye on the field, umpires have to do it all

The laws don’t allow more than three fielders behind square leg, one of them being the wicket-keeper. And these players are street-smart. The deep square leg fielder, for example, could be right behind the square leg umpire and it could be touch and go. That’s when square leg umpires find themselves wondering if they really do have a sixth sense, for how else will they sense that fielder inching to the wrong side of the quadrant just when the delivery is being bowled.

The umpire at the bowlers’ end is obviously worried about the bowler’s foot. Some of these guys apparently even bet on no-balls. How terrible! And then there is always the question of the Powerplay, the number of fielders within the circle changing all the time. Too much work for a job that gets no appreciation!