Why the IPL is a waste of time

IPL – Not everyone’s cup of tea

This article isn’t for IPL fans. Go back to cleaning your vuvuzela or shouting at your launderer for shrinking your Chennai Canaries jersey if you’re one.

‘Talk about things and nobody cares.’

Not Steven Tyler’s best work. It’s definitely nothing as profound as ‘dude looks like a lady’. It does remind me of the IPL though. In fact, it was a close second to ‘Oh no, not again’ when I realized that 6 weeks of grotesque jerseys, the Punjab Paupers, the Mumbai Foreigners, and a whole lot of pretentiously named teams was upon us again.

The IPL is quite simply put, a gigantic waste of time. It’s overhyped and underwhelming at best. The organizers are a bit like overzealous mothers, shoving 6 weeks of what they’re passing off as cricket down our throats, except they don’t want us to grow big and strong.

I wouldn’t object to the IPL if it wasn’t so damn crass and in your face. There are other idiotic T20 leagues floating around, but we don’t have to hear about the SPL every day.

One would think that having survived the IPL, you would be grateful and move on. But people go back for seconds. And sevenths.Now, there are many things you could do instead of watching the IPL, provided you are willing to make some sacrifices, the big one being you don’t get to hear how Chris Gayle is better than Vivian Richards.

I realize there’s a whole lot of different reasons to watch the IPL, about 3 less than the number of caps they have floating around.Let’s start with those who watch the IPL because they enjoy torturing themselves.

You could poke your eye with a sharp object, wrestle a Doberman for no apparent reason or listen to Arnab Goswami telling us all what it is that we want to know. On second thoughts, the last one is too extreme

If you’re the delusional type who thinks that the IPL is the greatest tournament in the world, your time would be better spent finding a cure for cancer. Or rewriting the ‘How I Met Your Mother’ ending for about the fiftieth time.

If you’re only watching it because you’re bored, you could dabble in horticulture and watch the grass grow instead.

If you’re watching it for the cheerleaders, is it really worth it with team owners popping up everywhere? You would be better served watching women’s tennis.

If you watch it because of the bad commentary, I’m sorry I have no alternatives for you. They are doing great things with psychiatric help these days, I’d check that out (don’t forget to wear your Russel is Benaud t-shirt).

Some people tell me that the IPL is entertaining. Personally, I don’t see what’s entertaining about international superstars and domestic wannabes playing Mitchell Johnson meets the England Cricket Team, but there you have it. However, if entertainment is what you’re after, why not catch up on the latest episode of CID? They’re breaking down the doors of conventional detective shows these days.

Other than that, you could spend your time trying to understand Duckworth-Lewis, drawing a square circle and trying to find out what exactly the fox said.

The world is your oyster.

And if you’re a Kevin Pietersen fan, you can curse the ECB, switch on the TV, mute it before you start feeling not unlike dogs when they hear a high pitched sound, and watch the Delhi Dodderers.

I know I will.

Dude looks like a lady? More like the ECB is crazy.

Into all life, some rain must fall.

DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in this article are of the author, and not necessarily this site.