Note: This article has been written in a light-hearted and satirical way, and not meant to cause harm or hurt.
Donald Trump. Trump Empire. Sepp Blatter. FIFA. Even though Gianni Infantino is the man in charge of world football’s largest governing body now, one simply cannot, not see the parallels between the ‘Godfather of FIFA’ and the American President in the running. Both are obnoxious, self-centred old men who don’t really seem to care about their job!
While the Trump Organization is a group of diversified investments. It’s not hard to see that FIFA was seen as something similar, a comically grotesque organisation, especially after the news of corruption relating to accepting bribes and other favours was released. More of a money earning business than a non-profit governing body for the world’s most popular sport.
So it wouldn’t really be surprising to see Donald Trump sitting at the head of the organisation in Zurich. In fact, the mad as hatter personality of him could surely be seen overshadowing Sepp Blatter’s reign with his very own antics!
The level headed Trump?
The entire world is in outrage of Donald Trump running for Presidency of the United States. Most of us perhaps did not even take him seriously until he actually was the only remaining Republican candidate and was elected to do so too.
Truth being you cannot take a person seriously if they objectify women blatantly accuse the minorities of terrorism and threaten to expel them and even build a wall to keep illegal immigrants out!
But the point is, America is lucky to have someone as level headed and kind hearted as Trump running for president, who only wants to “make America great again”. FIFA, had a president too. A president so corrupt that the FBI investigated him. Yes! The FBI of the USA, a country that gives as little attention to football that they refer it with a different name, Soccer!
Also Read: Donald Trump mocked by an Argentine TV ad for promotion of Copa America
And while Trump’s opinion women are one thing. The point is he’ll surely be willing to fund Women’s football just like he funds Miss USA. Rather than a certain ex-president who wanted to increase revenue by decreasing the shorts size. It doesn’t get more disgusting than Sepp Blatter!
With Sepp Blatter now suspended, it is hard not to look at the brighter side. Donald Trump can be president! Surely if he has the confidence of a lot of people of the World’s most developed economy, who they believe can grant them a better future. It’s easy enough for an intelligent man like him to garner the trust of the pea-brained officials who run FIFA.
Not only that. He is sane enough not to allot the next World Cup to a country where temperatures are so high, let alone playing football, even living is impossible. While Sepp Blatter apparently fell for the money. Trump wouldn’t even consider a Muslim country as a member of FIFA, let alone allow a World Cup to be held there.
A World Cup “NOT in Qatar”
The way Trump is able to sway crowds solely based on emotion and populist assumption or “feeling” is astonishing. A testament to how much of a level-headed person he is compared to Sepp Blatter. No wonder he would look perfect as he announced the World Cup venue, in what is not a 3rd world country and surely would be America. Because, “Make America Great Again”.
You don’t need is corrupt officials who want to ruin the game by plastering it up by mentioning the need for football to reach new people. What we do need is a discussion by Donald Trump with Donald Trump on how walls need to be built around countries like Qatar, forget playing football there.
And these walls would probably keep the workers out too. Isn’t Trump being a big humanitarian then?
Also Read: Qatar 2022 – FIFA in shambles
And so does a wall need to be built around Mexico. Because no team that is thrashed 7-0 in a major international championship match should be allowed to play football ever again. That’s probably what Trump would say.
FIFA is so crooked an organisation that they’d probably award the World Cup to ISIS if given money by the Muslim jihadis. At least with Donald Trump at the head of FIFA, we know no Muslim country will buy off the World Cup with its oil money.
Unpredictable and Entertaining
Surely if one has been following Donald Trump’s election campaign through the US primaries, one knows how much of a colourful character he is. From his weird orange fake tan to his permanently wind kissed hair, one cannot deny that it always has to be these maniacal megalomaniacs who stay in power. Be it the President of USA or that of FIFA.
His twitter feed is objectively funny. He keeps contradicting himself. He doesn’t want to debate but is happy to accuse. All this clearly reminds me of a certain bald old man who ran an empire. The hair is there, the charisma too. A little bit of madness is all you need and Donald Trump more than satisfies it. He blows the competition away!
But, where Trump clinches is where people believe him to be an outspoken person who tells as it is. A person who doesn’t mince his words. He doesn’t speak the facts, yes. He speaks bullshit, yes. Case in point being, it is better than FIFA’s current predicament.
Probably just what FIFA needs to clean up as an organisation? Unlike Blatter who succumbed to pressures here is a man who has taken America by storm and no doubt will do the same with the footballing world too.
As an entrepreneur surely, we’ll be in for a surprise as he creates lucrative and sensational business models out of football. Rather than take bribes and increase the number of teams in the World Cup, I believe Trump can come up with mad ideas like 20-20 football!
FIFA could certainly do with a bit of it after being more or less a very stagnant organisation under the same president for 4 terms.
Death Knell for Muslim Players?
A major decision that could well shake up the football landscape if Trump were to takeover would be a possible ban on Muslim players. His Islamophobia is well documented and could certainly hit the footballing community in a bad way. Surely we all love Mesut Ozil, Karim Benzema and many others strutting their stuff in the best matches of Europe.
But, being the mad-man he is, Trump wouldn’t hesitate to pass laws banning Muslims from kicking the ball just for self-satisfaction. This would obviously be met with a lot of outcry from the fans. But then that’s the man for you.
No International Transfers
Trump being, well, Donald Trump, could as well demonstrate his hate for non-natives by probably making transfer rules very strict. If he can go as far as building walls to stop Mexicans from entering the USA, who knows he might be against international transfers and might seriously change transfer laws.
While this certainly would be a boon to national teams which are helped in retention of talent. Stricter transfer laws could rob millions of football fans from watching assembled club dream teams on a regular basis like Barcelona. It certainly would up the ante in national leagues but then would also make players lose out on the chance to gain experience.
A conclusion?
Now certainly we do not want Donald Trump to be president. Neither of the United States of America and definitely not of FIFA. So for now, it will remain confined to the imagination of my not so funny article.
Just imagine waking up to realise that Football has been officially renamed as Soccer by Trump all for the sake of establishing a true American master race, surely gives the chills! No?
