Disclaimer: These are fake tweets, created with a humorous intent and not to be taken seriously.

Disclaimer: This is a fake twitter timeline and should be read with a pinch of salt.

DISCLAIMER: This is a fake Facebook wall and it should not be confused with a real one.

Note: This is a fake FB wall. Please click on image to enlarge

With all the scams and a hundred household problems, there’s just one thing which binds all Indians. The gentleman’s game of cricket. However, the word ‘gentleman’ is a tad misleading. Indians follow cricket like a religion and it gives them an undisputed right to make cricketers Gods and then back to mere mortals within a span of a lost series. But what drives them from childhood to a 6×6 cubicle to follow the game? Here are a few quirks one must have to be a Indian cricket fan:

1. ODIs, Tests and T20s are not the only forms of cricket. You must have played at least one of book cricket, gully cricket or one-tip-one-hand cricket in your childhood.

2. You must have collected cricket trump cards during your childhood, which were later confiscated by your class teacher.

3. You must have batted with at least one of a long notebook, a wooden plank or an exam pad mimicking Sachin’s cover drives, Dravid’s square cuts, Ganguly’s down-the-track lofted sixes or Laxman’s flicks. You must have tried to mimic the bowling actions of at least one of Kumble, Zaheer or Harbhajan.

4. You must have jumped on your bed trying to take a one-handed diving catch.

5. You must save crackers from Diwali for obvious reasons. You must always believe that there’s no greater rivalry than India vs Pakistan.

6. You must possess more knowledge on team selection than the BCCI, the coach, the captain and all the cricket gurus on TV put together.

7. You must have used at least one of these sets of keywords: “Yuvraj Singh 6 sixes”, “Aamir Sohail-Venkatesh Prasad”, “Sachin 200” to search on YouTube.

8. You must have trash-talked on the comments section of the above mentioned videos.

9. You must have always liked cricketers in TV commercials.

10. You must want Sachin to score a hundred every match. You must always switch off your TV once Sachin gets out.

11. Always remember – if India wins, it’s Dhoni’s luck. If India loses, it’s Dhoni’s fault.

12. No, you can’t and you shan’t stop trolling Rohit Sharma and Ravindra Jadeja, irrespective of what they do.

13. You must have debated on “Who is the better captain – Dhoni or Ganguly?” more than a dozen times.

14. Even after 5 years, there’s no clear answer to “Do you like IPL?”.

15. For you, Sachin is God and Dravid always lives in his shadow.

16. You have no idea what ‘VVS’ stands for apart from Very Very Special.

17. Superstitions include ‘sitting in the same posture for the entire over’, ‘praying for the rain when India is losing’, ‘not to change channels while Sachin’s batting’, etc.

18. If you are stuck in the office or in traffic, checking the scorecard on your minimized window or refreshing it on your smartphones more than 5 times per minute is perfectly normal.

19. You must have used commentary clichés such as “like a tracer bullet”, “at the end of the day, cricket won”, “to go right down the wire”, etc. more than a dozen times while commenting on Facebook.

20. You must possess a short memory span to support Team India but 24th September 2007 and 2nd April 2011 are the happiest days of your life apart from 25th June 1983, which you knew was a historic day.

Disclaimer: This article is written as a humour piece and should be taken with a pinch of salt!

DISCLAIMER: This is a fake Facebook wall and a work of fiction.

DISCLAIMER: This is a fake Facebook wall and a work of fiction.

The lightening has struck at Stamford Bridge for the 9th time in the last 10 years today. Roberto Di Matteo has been sacked today after a series of poor performances from the Blues. He is the league’s first managerial casualty this season, with the club sacking him after suffering a loss at the hands of Juventus last night, which has left them on the brink of elimination from the Champions League. Arguably, if it happens, Chelsea will be the first defending European champions to be knocked out in the first round itself.

Rafa Benitez and Pep Guardiola are the top names linked with Chelsea for the vacant post. Who succeeds Di Matteo remains to be seen, but for now let’s enjoy the best tweets on Roberto Di Matteo’s sacking:

Being sacked before Mark Hughes this season is an achievement. Well done Roberto Di Matteo. #CFC

— trollkeeda (@trollkeeda) November 21, 2012

Reporter to Pep: ”Chelsea sacked their manager, you want to be their new manager?”Pep Guardiola: ”I Dont know how to drive a bus.”

— Football Jokes (@Footy_Jokes) November 21, 2012

Am I surprised di Matteo has been sacked? Yes. Is six months a long time to go without a trophy? Personally, no.

— Wenger Knows Best (@wengerknowsbest) November 21, 2012

FACT: Chelsea have spent £86m since 2004 in compensation for managers, more than Everton‘s entire net spend since the Premier League began.

— BBC Sporf (@BBCSporf) November 21, 2012

Fernando Torres has scored 2.75 goals per Chelsea manager. #StupidFootballFacts

— Stupid Football (@StupidFootball) November 21, 2012

BREAKING NEWS: Pep Guardiola has been sacked by Chelsea for failing to win a trophy since being linked with the job this morning.

— Mario Balotelli (@MarioBaloltelli) November 21, 2012

mailto: ogsolskjaer@molde.no Dear Ole, don’t even think about Stamford Bridge. JT’s a git and Fernando’s shit. Remember that poem. Love Kai.

— Kai Wayne(@KaiWayne) November 21, 2012

3 – Roman Abramovich decided to sack Roberto Di Matteo because Chelsea have not won the Champions League in the last 3 months. Patient

— Opta Parody (@OptaParody) November 21, 2012

BREAKING: Abramovich is set to offer Pep Guardiola a 4 season deal! Summer, autumn, winter and spring.

— Football Jokes (@Footy_Jokes) November 21, 2012

Di Matteo 262 days. Villas-Boas 257 days. Scolari 244 daysThe next one is going last 30 days. Because Mayan apocalypse.

— trollkeeda (@trollkeeda) November 21, 2012

Di Matteo was manager for 262 days and won the Champions League, Wenger has been manager of Arsenal for nearly 6000 days… 0 CL titles.

— Sport Jokes (@FootballFunnys) November 21, 2012

BREAKING: Further bad news for Roberto Di Matteo. Sacked by Chelsea, and getting home early to find John Terry’s car pulling off his drive.

— BBC Sporf (@BBCSporf) November 21, 2012

FIFA 13 Achievement Unlocked: Complete a season as Chelsea manager.

— Stupid Football (@StupidFootball) November 21, 2012

FACT: Chelsea have spent £86m since 2004 in compensation for managers, more than Everton’s entire net spend since the Premier League began.

— BBC Sporf (@BBCSporf) November 21, 2012

Y’know what the worst part of Roberto Di Matteo’s sacking is? Mark Hughes still has a job. Think about that.

— FourFourTom (@FourFourTom) November 21, 2012

]]> http://www.sportskeeda.com/2012/11/21/top-tweets-on-roberto-di-matteos-sacking/feed/ 13 134540144 http://www.sportskeeda.com/2012/11/04/manchester-united-vs-arsenal-twitter-reaction/ http://www.sportskeeda.com/2012/11/04/manchester-united-vs-arsenal-twitter-reaction/#comments Sun, 04 Nov 2012 13:53:10 +0000 vandiablo http://www.sportskeeda.com/?p=918528

This was written in the script all along – Robin van Persie scoring against Arsenal at Old Trafford. The Dutchman scored before the travelling Gunners could finish their first chant after kick off, and like a gentleman of the game, van Persie chose not to celebrate against the fans who loved him for 8 years, and the manager who moulded him to what he is today.

One would argue, and rightly so, that this was not the Manchester United vs Arsenal match one would expect. Arsenal looked like they wanted United to repeat the 8-2 drubbing from last year and on the other hand, United were not at all willing to take their chances. Wayne Rooney blasting the penalty wide, Valencia missing from 5 yards out, were notable mentions.

The final score read 2-1 in favour of United, with Robin van Persie and Evra the goal scorers. Santi Cazorla scored a beautiful goal in the dying minutes of injury time to provide something to cheer for the away fans.

Here are the reactions we received on twitter.

Q. What were your thoughts on the game?

@sportskeeda United showed purpose in the game. They shut down Arsenal well. Rooney was brilliant- his passes, final balls and workrate.

— Kaustav Ganguly (@OneHungryBong) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda United were great from the get-go. Arsenal were on the back foot from the start. Rooney – MOTM despite missing a penalty.

— Adit Ganguly (@tidalganguly) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda Wilshere looked good,reckless though with his challenges.Rooney dictated play beautifully,rvp clinical!Arsenal were never in it

— Shashank Mouli (@Shashank_Mouli) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda Arsenal missed Diaby who was magnificent against Liverpool and City earlier this season. No driving force w/o him in the team.

— Red Devil Rohit (@Alex_IS_God) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda laboured passing and no incisiveness by #AFC. They missed RvP’s intelligent & clinical play and an engine like Rooney.

— Joel Menezes (@joelmenezes95) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda Santos exposed,RVP ultimate no.9,Vermalaen had a bad day,UTD nt clinical,Arsenal need to bolster their attack to cme in top3

— paritosh mehta (@paritoshdmehta) November 4, 2012

 Q. Who was your Man of the Match?

@sportskeeda Evra. His movement around the field was wonderful. His passes played a major role in creating chances, and his header was EPIC.

— Rishabh Gupta (@rishabh_05) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda Surely RvP. Was classy as ever. Santos is probably the worst Brazilian LB ever.

— Arjun Rao (@OnjiFullKapi) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda Rooney,hands down. He was virtually everywhere on the pitch. #WorkHorse

— Sharath Venkatesh (@SharathVenky) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda would be the silent Michael carrick. Was every where. Full of energy in assisting up front as well as defending

— Krishnan (@krishramiyer) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda Rooney. Even Michael Carrick is a candidate. Was immense defensively.

— Shounak Mukherjee (@TheShounak) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda Rooney hands down.Gr8 passing,superb work rate only blemish the penaltyXcept that gr8 playScholes can finally hang his boots

— paritosh mehta (@paritoshdmehta) November 4, 2012

 Q. Any silver linings for Arsenal? What they need to do?

@sportskeeda What Arsenal need? Maybe a backbone?

— Ashwin Sivakumar (@_s_a_s_h) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda get a striker n a lb.Cazorla only postive sign he’s been fantastic bt Podolski needs to buck upPlay Walcott behind striker

— paritosh mehta (@paritoshdmehta) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda have a better game plan. And need a better, out and out striker. Not Giroud nor Walcott

— Joel Menezes (@joelmenezes95) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda Arsenal needs to bring accuracy in their passes. Most of the times, they just lost possession due to their foolish passing.

— Rishabh Gupta (@rishabh_05) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda AW needs to stop sucking up to mediocrity like Santos. Ramsey can be used well as CM but NOT on the wing.Hv to buy goalscorers.

— Shishoo (@MainBhiPhenku) November 4, 2012

@_s_a_s_h @sportskeeda maybe a new managernee board room,new philosophy.

— Shashank Mouli (@Shashank_Mouli) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda have a winning mentality n stop playing with a mentality of swapping shirts at half time..disgraceful!

— rohan s nimbal (@rohan_mufc) November 4, 2012

 Q. Where do you think Arsenal will finish this season?

@sportskeeda 3rd, unless City relly pull up their socks

— Shounak Mukherjee (@TheShounak) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda They didn’t have a good start,and forwards need some time to settle in, but I’m sure they’ll finish in Top 5.

— Rishabh Gupta (@rishabh_05) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda The history says, post-Christmas, the performance of Gunners takes an upward movement. So I’m predicting 5th, below Tottenham.

— Tarun Raman (@raman_tarun) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda diaby stays fit,Cazorla n Podolski play too their potential n if ARS buy a gud striker in janThen top 5Else it doesnt matter.

— paritosh mehta (@paritoshdmehta) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda arsenal have a very strong squad wid quality depth. They lack a quality poacher. Buy a top class ST in jan, they’ll be in top3

— Saquib Fabregas(@Saquib_AFC) November 4, 2012

@sportskeedalast season after the hammering against United,Afc went on a bad patch and was rescued by Rvp. This time who’s gonna do it?

— Sid (@siddharthsr) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda CHL with all this new signings,City has gud squad,UTD are marching fwd this means top3 will be really hard for Arsenal

— paritosh mehta (@paritoshdmehta) November 4, 2012

@sportskeeda I would love to but can’t see AFC in top 4. Chelsea and Manchesters will take top 3 for sure.Gonna be 10x more comp for 4th.

— Sid (@siddharthsr) November 4, 2012

On our YouTube segment #KeedaRants @LadyClonidine was VERY ANGRY. VERY.

One of the most anticipated matches in English football. One of the most enthralling rivalries in world football. The Red Devils versus the Gunners. Two key points to this match are:

- United have scored the most number of goals in the league (23 goals) so far.

- Arsenal have conceded the least number of goals in the league (6 goals) so far.

- Both are coming from previous games after conceding 5 goals each in the Capital One Cup.

- Arsenal are visiting the Old Trafford for the first time after the 8-2 drubbing last year.

Meanwhile, the build-up to the game leads to Arsene Wenger’s latest quotes. You can read them all in detail here.

A few excerpts: ex-Arsenal captain Robin van Persie chose the red half of Manchester as compared to the blue half. Also, Arsenal fans should show him respect when they visit Old Trafford on Saturday.

Only time will tell if the Gooners will actually listen to their manager and refrain from booing van Persie tomorrow but here’s what our writers have to say regarding this:

Krishna (Arsenal fan):  “When his name is announced, there will be definite booing… But will the fans boo every time he touches the ball? I don’t think so.. When he scores, he will be booed again.. And yes, I am sure you’ll hear the “she said no, Robin” chant, as disgusting as it is…”

Hardik (Manchester United fan): “Don’t know about the boos, but if United end up losing this game, the Arsenal fans would surely have a custom made RVP chant to make the occasion even more special! What has been disgusting for the fans is not just his move to United but also how easily he’s been accepted by the United contingent..So it’s almost certain that the travelling Gunners will make a point to show the what they feel about RVP in some way or the other.”

Sheikh Ahmed Saquib (Arsenal fan): “Arsene has always been against public speaking. So his words were clearly just a formality, like a gentleman. Those words came from a manager who was let down by a player he nurtured into a superstar. Deep down, he knows how Gooners would react on Sunday. And I expect massive anti-Robin chants and boos from arsenal fans. You can clearly read the tweets of many travelling Gooners, they are hurt.”

Sushant (Manchester United fan): “Booing will be there and even though there are some Gooners (can see through twitter) who are not necessarily enthusiastic about the ‘she said no chant’, they believe that it will be sung (mob mentality) but they themselves shall not be taking part in (as tweeted by them). Don’t see anything wrong with the boo-ing. Interesting will be if RVP scores..does he celebrate or not. It could be Adebayor scenario once again. SAF may tell RVP to not celebrate…but if he gets wound up by Arsenal fans..he possibly could.”

What do you feel about the game? Leave comments below.

On a Halloween night when the United away fans owned Stamford Bridge for the greater part of the game with some epic banners and  with Lee Mason under tremendous pressure to perform, Chelsea had the last laugh and a much needed ‘revenge’ against Manchester United following the controversy at Stamford Bridge earlier on Sunday. Losing to Shakhtar at Champions League and losing to United back to back was too much for the Champions of the Europe. It was the Capital One Cup (read: The Mickey Mouse Cup), and Chelsea emerged victorious from the brink of elimination to beat United in a 9 goal thriller.

The starting line up for United and Chelsea were in contrast as Sir Alex made as many as 10 changes from the team that won on Sunday and decided to field reserve centre-backs Michael Keane (19 years) and Scott Wootton (20 years) against the Premier League leaders with the likes of Moses, Sturridge and Mata. Later Oscar, Ramires and Hazard were introduced by Chelsea while United introduced Powell, Tunnicliffe and Macheda. Contrast, one would argue. As I said, 3 back to back defeats would have been too much for the morale for the Blues. But yes, Chelsea showed character and rightfully hold the bragging rights now.

Now analytically, United had a good game with “young” Ryan Giggs playing the entire 120 minutes and scoring twice, Anderson being part of all three goals before being substituted for tiring – Abravomich’s facepalm on Little Pea’s goal was somewhat funny! Chicharito has scored 5 times in 6 appearances against Chelsea now. (and rumors at the starting of the season were that Chelsea inquired about Hernandez – Ahem!).

Chelsea, on the other hand, were without the likes of Lampard, Terry, Ivanovic, Cole and Torres. (Needless to say, some United fans would have been happier if he played instead – for the obvious reasons, of course!). Moses was brilliant but defense looked disjointed; conceding 4 goals is not how Champions should be made of. Cech has to be blamed for passing the ball to Romeu with Anderson in pursuit. Oh wait, where were David Luiz and Gary Cahill? To be frank, inclusion of the valiant trio of Hazard, Ramires and Oscar won the match for Chelsea.

In the post match conference Sir Alex was really pissed at Nani.

“We gave the ball away for the third goal,” he said. “We were in complete control of the match at that point, playing really good football and all we needed to do was see the game out and keep possession.

“Nani decided to try and beat a player, lost the ball and we ended up conceding a penalty kick.”

Nani is the scapegoat then. Anyway, here are the for and against by our writer Sushant Kaw:

For: “Apart from the goal, Nani was frustrating mostly. There were glimpses of an improvement in him accepting more defensive duties, but what he did at the end (as SAF mentioned) showed that even at the age of 25, he has not yet reached a level of maturity. You see the game out rather than what he tried to do. Also it is clear he is on borrowed time at MUFC. Relations between him and club are at an all time low. From what I have read, MUFC are not giving the 130k per week contract he believes he deserves. Also he had a recent bust up according to rumors and apparently he refuses to apologize for that. So, his time is all but over and only a miracle can save it. Maybe a Hat trick against City?”

Against: “Although, Nani is not the only person to be blamed. Inexperience cost us in the end with our CB’s both of whom were quite lucky to be on the pitch. They did manage to do well till the fatigue set in. A good learning curve for them, especially Keane who seems to be certain to make the cut at Manchester United.”

What do you guys think? January exit for Nani perhaps? Please feel free to leave your valuable comments below.

Troll as we put it, Robin van Persie. Ring a bell?

When the actual saga started to form a script, my friend who supports Chelsea asked me, “Hey, what do you think of Van Persie coming to United?” I took it bluntly to be precise and replied, “We don’t need him.” Well, Chelsea fans can be annoying at times, but who isn’t? I was rather pissed at Eden Hazard at that time for ditching us to play for the club who won a “Champions League”. He simply rode the ‘bus’.

The saga started to grow further, “Do you still need him?”, I said, “He is a luxury, I want Welbeck and Hernandez to get more games. Better get someone in the defensive midfield or an experienced Left Back to cover Evra – even though Brady from the academy might be used in the absense of Fabio.”

Juventus and Manchester City pulled away from the race. “Atleast NOW accept, you will be happy if he arrives at Old Trafford.” I had no answer, I was in two minds. And a question erupted deep inside me, “Really?”.

Alas! PSG hijacked another big target from the Gaffer, Loucas Moura. (Thank Heavens for that).

Now, the equilibrium had been compromised. Sir Alex was adamant. “He gets what he wants” posts started chirping here and there. One thing here, we United fans really don’t argue with Sir Alex. Just like the players in the dressing room. Glazers? F**k Glazers! Personally they are nothing for me, just money. There’s this kind of respect that binds us, thanks to the quarter of a century services to the great club, and well I am 24. You-simply-can’t-shouldn’t-question-his-moves. Simply can’t. Personally I can’t. Proven so many times.

I started looking at the possibilities, pros and cons of a coveted transfer – even if we signed Bundesliga‘s player of the last season Shinji Kagawa and Crewe prodigy Nick Powell. But it was not enough – no it was not. The noisy neighbours have an attack to reckon with. We needed someone.

Well ofcourse, Arsenal started playing the ‘game’. The game of business. 20 Million overseas, for you he is 25 Million. Take it or leave it. Now I knew we actually have a genuine chance of signing the player from the last season on English soil.

Then it started…

This was true, for every word – this was true that day when I wrote it, this is true today. You know Arsenal-United rivalry, don’t you?

And then it happened, I was sleepy and wanted to sleep. Then I thought, why not check the social network before I hit the bed?

Twitter went berserk. Arsenal fans went berserk in agony and despair. United fans were on top tonight. Needless to say, I had a ‘discussion’ with an Arsenal fan on twitter who is a true fan of Arsenal for their ‘mentality’ – called me a Glory Hunter because United win and Arsenal can’t win like City or United everytime. (Logic?) He asked me why I like United? I said, “Because of their winning mentality and ability”. He asked, “Will you support them if they start losing?” I said, “Even if they get relegated I will”. He asked me, “At one point you say you like them for their winning mentality and one point you say you will support them if they get relegated, I am confused”. (Logic?) Anyway, then @SoundsofDementia pointed out that the guy is cheering in an Arsenal jersey in a Mumbai Indians match. I stop here. Now even for Arsenal fans, it must be getting laughathon for a change. If you think, I am kidding with you Arsenal lot, please feel free to visit my twitter timeline. It is not locked.

It was 4 am and I knew I had to sleep because I had to go the office next day and Arsenal fans would be waiting for me. :P

Now as I said, the transfer saga brings the worst in us. When I think about it, I remember Luis Figo. Enough said. But it brought three sides of Arsenal fans. Sad, Funny and Ugly.

Sad: 

Trust me, I am with you guys in this. I respect Arsene Wenger for making him what he is today. I respect Arsenal for what he is today. I have nothing but empathy.

Funny:

The top one is rather funny. It is further portrayed here brilliantly.

And Ugly. I could see comments like, “hope he gets injured from the edge of the paper while signing the paper”. “hope he gets injured at training and never play again”. “hope he gets injured…” Can you make out the trend here? Can you see one common word here? Injury. Why curse someone for an injury? Just because he went to your rivals? I fail to understand this. Always. Why not simply throw a swine head on RvP when he visits Emirates? Why not curse him to end up like Torres?

Well, let’s get things sorted in order.
1. RvP was not Arsenal last season. Team is above any player. Agree. But as a captain – leading from the front – he took you to a Champions League place. No denying there.

2. RvP questioned the running of his club publically. Wrong on his part, absolutely wrong. But was it not the trophy drought which made him go frustrated and speak?

3. RvP said, “He wants to win a trophy as a Gunner.” Good for him. But what happens when you feel you won’t? You are 29, playing the best football in recent years but being at Arsenal simply won’t fetch you a winners medal. You get a better opportunity and move ahead.

4. RvP was an Arsenal fan since childhood. Kissed the badge several times. Good for him. Even Rooney was an Everton fan.

5. United fans cursed Rooney when he said he wanted to leave the club. That’s why we are cursing RvP. Rooney made a U-turn and won our trust back, RvP didn’t. Sir Alex’s convincing power is more than Wenger’s. Accept it. Accept the difference here.

6. RvP wanted more money and hence he went to United. Well, I think I heard somewhere Arsenal offered him more money. But he wanted trophies. At United he is getting money + a realistic chance to win a silverware.

7. Not all Arsenal back stabbers are successful elsewhere. They are made to sit on the bench. RvP is injury prone – There’s no guarantee that RvP will start every match like last season at Arsenal. United have a lot more attacking options and Sir Alex will make sure RvP remains injury-free with proper rotation of the squad. Well of course, no one can predict an injury. Funny part will be if RvP ‘actually’ goes injury free this season and win something which he never did at Arsenal apart from some banners from the crowd.

8. RvP was just a one-season wonder. Arsenal made a good business out of him. Yup! Arsenal made a huge business by selling off RvP. As if they had any other option than letting him go with just a year remaining on his contract. But one season wonder? Wiki stats might be wrong then. My bad.

Did I miss something?

Anyway, the United angle.

1. Formation: Personally, I really don’t know what formation we might be playing this season. I just want Welbeck and Hernandez to get games along with Rooney and RvP. I respect Berbatov but it seems his career at United is over. Macheda will stay as a fifth striker.

2. Midfield problem: Kagawa is an Attacking player. So he will be pivotal here. Giggs, Scholes are not finished yet. Cleverly is the future. Anderson might be getting yet another chance at United this season. Valencia, Nani, Young in the wings. Fletcher is back. Carrick is better than he was. Powell – wait and see. Doesn’t look bad to me.

3. Defensive problems: No cover for Evra they say. He played the most games last season, not the best but you never know if he won’t do it again. Brady from the academy is his cover at the moment. Transfer season is not over yet – so a Left Back (Baines) is still a probability. If not now, in January perhaps. Smalling and Jones are the future at United. Ferdinand and Vidic – The Serbinator is back!! 1-6 you said? He didn’t play that day, did he? Evans will continue from last season – whatever he did in the absence of Vidic. De Gea is a class goalkeeper – seems to settle down at United now. Lindegaard is otherwise there. Both fighting for the GK slot – always good to see.
Wow! Can’t wait for the first match to start.

It’s been long, will finish it from where I started. Transfer seasons are cruel and bring the worst out of us. Get the positives and keep moving ahead. To my Gunner friends, Good luck – will see you on the field. To my United family – #LetsDoIt #Champ20ns #BELIEVE.

To Robin van Persie.

To sign off, Samir Nasri is the happiest since Thursday for some reasons. Mancini? Your guess is good as mine.

“A Myth Called Gravity” by Chris Gayle #BooksByCricketers

— Rofl Indian (@Roflindian) May 25, 2012

Me and My Middle Finger – Virat Kohli. #BooksByCricketers

— Youth Star Yuvi (@YouthstarYuvi) May 25, 2012

New swear words. Vol 1.0 – Virat Kohli#BooksByCricketers

— Indian Cartman (@ka_unplugged) May 25, 2012

Put on your dancing shoes – By Sanath Jayasuria #BooksByCricketers

— ZENIA D’CUNHA (@ZENIADCUNHA) May 25, 2012

Ravi Potter and the Goblet of Wire – Ravi Shastri #BooksByCricketers

— aCoolFunnyTweetTypo (@coolfunnytshirt) May 25, 2012

#BooksByCricketers Spot Fixing made easy – Salman Butt.

— Clifford (@cliffordsouza) May 25, 2012

#BooksByCricketers: “The God of Small Things” by Rahul Dravid.

— Customer Helpline (@customer_help) May 26, 2012

#BooksByCricketers: “No franchise for old men” by Souurav Ganguly.

— Shashank M (@shashankm14) May 26, 2012

My Ten Best Retirements – Shahid Afridi #BooksByCricketers

— utsav panchamia (@utsav21) May 26, 2012

A Cricketer who sold his Ferrari – by @sachin_rt #BooksByCricketers

— ANKUR MANIAR (@ANKURMANIAR) May 26, 2012

 

#BooksByCricketers Stay angry stay serious – Gautam Gambhir

— NishadSonawane (@imNish07) May 25, 2012

Can you do it better? Leave comments.

Click the pictures to enlarge:

Disclaimer: Purely intended for fun, not to be taken seriously.

Here’s our compilation:

Best Player: Ryan Giggs(Manchester United).

Ryan Giggs, 38 who is the only player to have played and scored in all 20 Premier League seasons, beat off competition from nine other nominees to win the award.

Other powerful nominees were:

Dennis Bergkamp(Arsenal), Eric Cantona(Manchester United),  Thierry Henry(Arsenal), Roy Keane(Manchester United), Paul Scholes(Manchester United), Alan Shearer(Blackburn Rovers/Newcastle United), Patrick Vieira(Arsenal, Manchester City) and Gianfranco Zola(Chelsea) and Cristiano Ronaldo(Manchester United).

Best Manager: Sir Alex Ferguson(Manchester United).

12 time Premier League winner in the last 20 seasons, Fergie was the undisputed choice among the experts and fans.

Other notable nominees were: Jose Mourinho, Arsene Wenger, Harry Redknapp and David Moyes.

Best Team: Arsenal invincibles(2003/04)

Hardly anyone would have doubted this amazing team of Arsenal from 2003/04. Invincibles, as they were referred, went on without losing any of the 38 league matches in that season and were crowned as the English champions.

The campaign stood at 26 wins, 12 draws and 0 losses in the entire season with 73 goals scored in total.

Best Season: 2011/12 (Winners – Manchester City)

Arguably the best season in 20 years which saw the pendulum swing between both sides of Manchester for pretty much the whole season. Needless to say, it went on till the last minute of the season only to see City piping United in injury time  with a Sergio Aguero winner. City were crowned English champions after 44 years.

In the mid-table, the fight for remaining two Champions League places went on to the last day as well. In the end, Arsenal and Tottenham finished at 3rd and 4th places respectively.

The competition was so tough that 2009/10 winner Chelsea finished 6th, 18 times English Champions Liverpool were 8th. Everton, their cross city rivals managed to finish one place better than them.

Ofcourse, 1994/95 winners Blackburn Rovers were relegated along with Bolton Wanderers and Wolverhampton Wolves.

Best Quote: “I’ll tell you, honestly, I will love it if we beat them. Love it.” - Kevin Keegan, 1996

Who can forget Kevin Keegan’s memorable quote against Sir Alex Ferguson on a TV interview in 1996:

“When you do that with footballers like he said about Leeds, and when you do things like that about a man like Stuart Pearce…

“I’ve kept really quiet but I’ll tell you something, he went down in my estimations when he said that. We have not resorted to that. You can tell him now, we’re still fighting for this title and he’s got to go to Middlesbrough and get something. And I’ll tell you, honestly, I will love it if we beat them. Love it.

“But it really has got to me. I’ve voiced it live, not in front of the press or anywhere. I’m not even going to the press conference. But the battle is still on and Man United have not won this yet.”

Arguably this rant got the attention of both fans and experts to get their vote  among other memorable quotes:

Eric Cantona (1995)

“When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown overboard. Thank you. “

Alan Hansen speaking about Alex Ferguson (1995)

“The secret is to buy when it is strong, so he needs to acquire players. Do not win anything with kids. Look to the eleven that Manchester United and Aston Villa used today, when at 14:15 I saw the team, I received an injection of moral. That will happen when he plays with the kids. He has to buy players, it’s as simple as that. “

Alex Ferguson (2003)

“We must continue to do our best. Now is that time that tickles – time of tight ass, as I call it. Few weeks will be interesting and the level of the Premier League is such that nothing is easy.”

Jose Mourinho (2004)

“Do not call me arrogant because what I’m saying is true. I’m European champion, I’m not a normal one. I think I’m special. “

Best Goal: Wayne Rooney (Man Utd v Man City, February 2011).

Wayne Rooney (26% of votes) won the best goal award for this majestic overhead kick which incidentally came against arch rivals Manchester City.

Other two notable goals by Dennis Bergkamp (19% of votes) and Thierry Henry(14% of votes) respectiavely.

Best Match:  Man Utd 4-3 Man City (September 2009).

Another Manchester Derby living up to the expectations, only to see Michael Owen score a last minute goal to seal the match 4-3 in favor of the Red Devils. It got the majority of 18% of votes.

“It’s probably the best derby of all time”
- Sir Alex Ferguson in 2009 after the match.

Other worthy mentions were:

• 15% – Liverpool 4-3 Newcastle, 03/04/1996
• 14% – Liverpool 4-4 Arsenal, 21/04/2009

Best Save: Craig Gordon (Sunderland v Bolton Wanderers, December 2010).

Gordon’s save against Bolton Wanderers scored majority of 18% of votes.

Other worthy mentions:

• Peter Schmeichel, Newcastle v Manchester United, 21/12/1997
• Jussi Jaaskelainen, Manchester United v Bolton Wanderers, 20/10/2001

Best Goal Celebration: Eric Cantona (Man Utd v Sunderland, December 1996).

King Eric as Manchester United fans used to call him came up with this wonderful goal and the celebration after that, to bag the best goal celebration award. 26% of votes were credited to it.

Others:

• 18% - Lomana Lua Lua, Newcastle, multiple times – 18% of votes
• 15% - Jimmy Bullard, Man City v Hull City – 15% of votes

Fantasy Team – Public

Goalkeeper – Peter Schmeichel
Left-back – Ashley Cole
Centre-back – Tony Adams
Centre-back – Nemanja Vidic
Right-back – Gary Neville
Left midfield – Ryan Giggs
Centre midfield – Paul Scholes
Centre midfield – Steven Gerrard
Right midfield – Cristiano Ronaldo
Forward – Thierry Henry
Forward – Alan Shearer

Fantasy Team – Experts

Goalkeeper – Peter Schmeichel
Left-back – Ashley Cole
Centre-back – Tony Adams
Centre-back – Rio Ferdinand
Right-back – Gary Neville
Left midfield – Ryan Giggs
Centre midfield – Paul Scholes
Centre midfield – Roy Keane
Right midfield – Cristiano Ronaldo
Forward – Thierry Henry
Forward – Alan Shearer

Twenty Five years, twenty five bloody years!

6th of November 1986, when Sir Alexander Chapman “Alex” Ferguson took over 2nd from bottom placed Manchester United. Rest they indeed say is history.

Here’s a few things we tried to sum up which was trust me, which was a Herculean task:

1986: Takes over from Ron Atkinson as United’s manager from Aberdeen. Loses his first match 2-0 to Oxford United.

1989: “Three years of excuses and it’s still crap … ta-ra Fergie” : A banner at Old Trafford. 

1990: Wins his first FA Cup.

1991: Ryan Giggs makes debut for United. Rest is history.
Sir Alex on Ryan Giggs: “I remember the first time I saw him. He was 13 and just floated over the ground like a cocker spaniel chasing a piece of silver paper in the wind.”

1992: Signs Eric Cantona from bitter rivals Leeds United for £1.2m. Rest is history.

1993: United win their first Premier League in 26 years. Ferguson receives the first Premier League manager of the month award.

1994: Ferguson wins his first league and Cup double in English football.

“Come back when you’ve won 18″: A Liverpool banner at Anfield. Rest is history.

1995: “You can’t win anything with kids.” ranted Alan Hansen. Fergie’s Fledgings came up and delivered. Enough said.

1999: The treble. Premier League, FA Cup and his first European Cup, United’s second.

“At the end of this game, the European Cup will be only six feet away from you and you’ll not even able to touch it if we lose. And for many of you that will be the closest you will ever get. Don’t you dare come back in here without giving your all”. : Alex Ferguson’s half time team talk during the 1999 European Cup Final.

“I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it. Football. Bloody hell.”: Fergie, after the European Cup final.

FA Cup semi-final win: The famous and memorable Ryan Giggs run from the half line to score against Arsenal.

Same year, just like Sir Matt Busby, he was knighted for his services to football just after the European cup triumph.

2002: Signs a new contract extension of 3 years despite claiming retirement. HUNGER!
“My greatest challenge is not what’s happening at the moment, my greatest challenge was knocking Liverpool right off their fucking perch. And you can print that.” responds to Alan Hansen questioning Sir Alex Ferguson’s future as Manchester United manager in September 2002 in the Guardian.

2003: Notable Hairdryer treatment gets ugly. Throws a boot at David Beckham, gets 3 stitches over his eye.
“Just fucking patch him up” to a club physio after the incident.

“It was a freakish incident. If I tried it 100 or a million times it couldn’t happen again. If I could I would have carried on playing!” to the media after the incident.

Note: We won’t even try to defend Sir Alex, but what you do when players themselves have no remorse of what happened. Beckham for example claimed  just the day before that Fergie is a father figure for him. Sigh!

The same year, sells the prolific Beckham and signs 18 year old Cristiano Ronaldo from Sporting Lisbon.

2005: The Glazer family buy Manchester United. Ferguson is criticised by some fans, for being seen to endorse the takeover.
Following a 4-1 defeat by Middlesbrough, the inspirational captain Roy Keane takes several team?mates to task in an interview with MUTV. The Irishman leaves the club two weeks later. But Alas! No remorse either side. Still they maintain a healthy and decent relationship.

On Roy Keane after the European Cup semi-final in the 1999: “I don’t think I could have a higher opinion of any footballer than I already had of the Irishman, but he rose even further in my estimation at the Stadio Delle Alpi. The minute he was booked and out of the final he seemed to redouble his efforts to get the team there. It was the most emphatic display of selflessness I have seen on a football field. Pounding over every blade of grass, competing if he would rather die of exhaustion than lose he inspired all around him. I felt it was an honour to be associated with such a player.”

2008: United win the Premier League and 2nd Champions League trophy under Sir Alex. A double!

2009: Equals Liverpool’s record of 18 Premier League titles.

And needless to say, United fans went berserk, and returned the favor with a fitting banner.

2010: Ferguson breaks Sir Matt Busby’s record and becomes the longest?serving Manchester United manager.

“I’m privileged to have followed Sir Matt because all you have to do is to try and maintain the standards that he set so many years ago.” after the achievement.

2011: Finally knocks off Liverpool of their perch. 19 league titles. Who would have thought.. And gave the fans to visit Anfield holding their heads high.

Of course, United fans had already shown the banners a number of times at Anfield by now.

Meanwhile, today he’s busy making Fergie’s Fledgings 2.0 with youngsters in the ranks like Hernandez, Jones, Welbeck, Cleverly, Anderson to name a few. Time will tell..

Here’s a slideshow of the great man over the years(in pics): In order 1986 onwards left to right from the top row.

OTHER MEMORABLE QUOTES:

“What the fuck are you lot playing at? That is the biggest load of shite I’ve ever seen. Not one of you can look me in the eye, because not one of you deserves to have a say. I can’t believe you’ve come here and decided to toss it off like that crap you’re playing out there.” : Half-time at Sheffield Wednesday, 1998.

“Sometimes we can get too emotional as a club with things that are happening. But we’re both of a common denominator – we don’t want the club to be in anyone else’s hands.”

“I have always tried to be the bridge between the club and the fans and I have tried to support the fans in a lot of their pleas and causes.”

On Arsene Wenger: “They say he’s an intelligent man, right? Speaks five languages! I’ve got a 15-year-old boy from the Ivory Coast who speaks five languages!”

On Rafael Benítez, reacting to the Spaniard’s infamous ‘facts’ press conference “I think he was an angry man. He must have been disturbed for some reason. I think you have got to cut through the venom of it and hopefully he’ll reflect and understand what he said was absolutely ridiculous.”

On Jose Mourinho: “He was certainly full of it, calling me Boss and Big Man when we had our post-match drink after the first leg. But it would help if his greetings were accompanied by a decent glass of wine. What he gave me was paint-stripper.”

On David Beckham: “David Beckham is Britain’s finest striker of a football not because of God-given talent but because he practises with a relentless application that the vast majority of less gifted players wouldn’t contemplate.”

On Peter Schmeichel: “At his best, I don’t believe a better goalkeeper than Peter Schmeichel has played the game. He is a giant figure in the history of Manchester United and our debt to him will never be forgotten.”

On Wayne Rooney: “When we signed him at 18, everyone said ‘what will he be like at 21?’ Now he’s 21, people are saying ‘what will he be like at 25?’ It was always destined to be that way”

On Cristiano Ronaldo: “I bet him he wouldn’t get 15 league goals and I’m going to have to change my bet with him. If he gets to 15 I can change it and I am allowed to do that because I’m the manager. I’m going to make it 150 now”

We might have missed many, like on other notable players, other managers, the FA, FIFA etc which tickles you. But as we said, a Herculean task.

IN NUMBERS:

37 major trophies.
12 Premier League titles.
2 Champions League titles.
5 FA Cups.
4 League Cups.
10 Community Shields.
1 each of UEFA Cup Winners’ Cup, UEFA Super Cup, Intercontinental Cup, FIFA Club World Cup.
45 United’s longest unbeaten run in all competitions.
9-0 Manchester United’s biggest win under Ferguson, against Ipswich Town at Old Trafford in 1995.
1-6 Ferguson’s heaviest defeat, a few weeks ago at home to Manchester City.
17 Games missed by Ferguson due to touchline bans.
7 Years without giving interviews to the BBC after a controversial Panorama investigation into his son Jason.
26 Premier League manager of the month awards.
10 Premier League manager of the year awards.

Last but not the least, 25 glorious years.

His mission was to knock Liverpool, he did. Two Champions League defeats to Barcelona hurts. Manchester City’s fire power is to be noticed after that 1-6 humiliating defeat. Retirement? No way. In his own words, “I’ll leave a legacy of players who will continue to perform at United even when I go.”

With that, we wish Sir Alex A Very Happy 25 years and wish for another 25 years.

With love and respect, Manchester United fans indebted to you.

Pictures courtesy: hamishbrown.com, dailymail.co.uk and of course google.com

Before we get into the matters I’ve a disclaimer to make: My F1 knowledge is limited to a fraction more than the function of a F1 key on my keyboard. Kindly judge me on that.

Also, please note that F1 in Windows OS is for “HELP”. Yes, you guys are smart and by now must have made a logical connection with the new SAHARA Force India. Sahara = Help = F1. How poetic indeed. And I must also add this post was not inspired by a hashtag on twitter trended a few months back with the same name.

Anyway, what matters the most today is Vettel has already won the Championship and the rest are fighting for the 2nd place. So interesting, NOT.

So, here comes the coveted Indian GP in Greater Noida, UP. 50 KMs from New Delhi. Ticket prices sky high. Advertisements all over the park. Blah Blah. Does it make anything interesting? I mean yes F1 is a freaking awesome sports to watch and even play. Yes, we are addicted to NFS mostly but yes.

So here are the few tips to make the Indian GP interesting:

1. Thank Mayawati ji. – Yes, she didn’t object as far as I heard that it’s against Dalits or anything or let farmers disrupt the event(so far) or heavy custom duty forcing it not to go ahead. As a token of appreciation ask her to donate a few elephants and her statues to the circuit. Cars zooming, taking turns around the elephants will give a Indian feel no?

2. Ra.One promotion – As we all know Bollywood is an integral part of Indianness. Mr. SRK has been spamming all over the place with this and hence he must step up to support F1 and mutually he can promote his latest venture Ra.One. Of Course, it will be released by then but yes. Put some huge posters around the circuit, huge LCDs to show the video songs in loop. It gives an international feel as well – Akon for example.

3. Cricket – Sigh! I hate to pull cricket into it but as one would argue, “Only three things sell in India – politics, bollywood and cricket”. Playing India vs England again and again is rather monotonous now. Let MS Dhoni and Alliaster Cook drive two Force India cars, whoever wins – wins the series. Yay!! *ducks*

4. Obstacles – See, here the point one can put forward for the budding youngsters is that ‘life’s not easy and you guys must overcome every obstacles blah blah..’ Without stretching this far apart, obstacles we suggest are Potholes and Indian cows on the racing track. Indianness is the theme dude!

5. DRS – Give something to debate and talk about to the fans (at least what they know). Like, some wannabe F1 fans like me will surely visit the arena – let them discuss about DRS. Oye hello!! Not Drag Reduction System, our personal favorite – Decision Reviewing System. Yes, you can pull Sunil Gavasker and Ravi Shastri as well for expert comments on it from BCCI.

6. Flags – As per my findings there are lots of flags used in the F1 circuit. Isn’t it? Red, Blue, Yellow etc. Replace them with IPL team’s flags no? Heheh! I think I should run for cover now for bringing even IPL here now.

7. Penalties – Ask a football maniac like me how his heart skips a beat every time a penalty is awarded/converted/not converted or penalty shootouts after extra time are going on. The number of times I watched F1, I personally never felt that kind of excitement. Let’s tweak it a bit – Ask our traffic police departments to handle it. Simple! Yeah, you get the point.

Kunal Khemu and family can help us here

8. Traffic signals – During the start of the race, make the racers feel how an average Indian feels to be waiting in the traffic signals. Eunuchs, beggars, kids selling ‘hot’ magazines, flowers etc. Going further, put speed breakers traffic billboards when there are none. Make them take  U turn when there are none. Put a Zebra crossing in between. Oh! Sorry – we don’t cross the roads from there anyway, so it’s I assure you it’s safe.

9. Force India – Yes, Metallica and Lady Gaga will perform here in front of a capacity crowd during the time. But what’s the point? We should instead concentrate on making Force India win the race for a change. Do, whatever it takes. I’m being a little over the top but a few sledging won’t put us in a bad taste no? Sheesh! They can always taste the awesome North Indian food with extra cholesterol if it does.

10. Grid Girls and Pit Babes – Whoa! The actual attraction is the last point. For what I’m interested in F1 to be frank. Bring on the IPL style cheer girls I say. For every overtake let the respective teams’s cheer girls to cheer! This will make F1 famous in our rural sectors as well, trust me!