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Brace yourselves for this reactionHave you been trying to get back into seeing WWE after a very long time? A long time as in nearly a decade or more? Well, today might just be your lucky day.Amidst all the interesting feuds, good quality wrestling matches, and reality rooted storylines that WWE produce these days, we have decided to take some time off and provide some tips for the returning acts. Some of these might sound utterly ridiculous in the first read, but once you get back into the hang of things, it will all start making sense.And if you are one among the WWE Universe that has been around for the whole time, do take the tips lightly and spare the heat.
#10 There is this magical place called WWE Network
Ever wanted to see all those old wrestling matches and promos that made you fall in love with professional wrestling? A decade back, getting your hands on these would have been nearly impossible, but today, there is this magical place called WWE Network, where you get the entire WWE archives for $9.99 per month.
Apart from the archives, this amount will also give you the monthly pay-per-views that WWE brings. Considering that pay-per-views cost nearly $50 back then, it is a magical place indeed right? And if you don’t like what you are getting, you can always go to the social media and use the hashtag, #CancelWWENetwork. (That’s the way WWE fans react to bad booking these days).
#9 Cena is still United States Champion, but he has a new move
John Cena was probably the United States Champion when you stopped watching wrestling and guess what? He is still the United States Champion. But there is a twist in the entire angle. He does not have the spinner belt for now and he has a sixth move. Michael Cole for some reason calls it ‘The new Maneuver’ but keeping it simple, it’s just a spring board stunner.
The favorite hobby of Cena these days is feuding with upcoming talent and kicking out at two even if he is hit by a meteor from the outer space. This hobby is fueled by Vince McMahon (who is still the owner of WWE), who apparently thinks that every WWE fan out there loves Cena.
#8 We dont have eye candy matches
If you are one of those superstars who used to tune into professional wrestling because of the hot women in it, I’m afraid I got some bad news for you. WWE is PG at the moment and the chances of seeing an eye candy matches these days is equal to the chances of seeing a Big Foot or Yeti on your couch at night.
And to make matters worse, women’s wrestling is treated as a toilet break by the WWE writers. The situation is changing a bit due to some social media movement that AJ Lee (a modern day version of Lita if you don’t know her) sparked off but you are still not going to get an evening gown match between the ladies unless some miracle happens.
#7 And nor do we have blood
One another thing that WWE keeps away these days apart from the eye candy is blood. The intentional blading is nowhere to be seen these days and though it might sound like a bad idea from a dramatic point of view, it is good for the wrestlers in the longer run.
Again, this is WWE’s way of maintaining a family friendly product. So if you were a fan of all those hardcore matches that had a pool of blood, the current WWE might just not be the place for you. Instead, subscribe to that magical place mentioned earlier called WWE Network for just $9.99 (no, I’m not marketing the product) and watch matches from the original ECW.
#6 SmackDown? Aint anybody got time for that
SmackDown is still as important as Raw as it used to be a decade back. Okay, I’m lying here. Not only is SmackDown nowhere near Raw, apparently none of the WWE writers have time for some good old booking in the blue brand.
Forget about seeing properly worked out storylines and exciting matches on SmackDown, the only thing you are going to get is the random bookings between midcard superstars with no storyline whatsoever. Having memories about all those good SmackDown episodes with the likes of Eddie Guerrero, Edge, Undertaker and more? Well, subscribe to that magical place mentioned earlier called WWE Network for just $9.99 (no, WWE is not paying me to say this).
#5 Meet the new guys on the roster
Okay, getting to know the new wrestlers in the roster is perhaps the most difficult thing to do if you are coming back into WWE after a long time. So lets make the process easy by comparing the newbies with the old ones shall we?
Seth Rollins The guy with the WWE Championship, similar to the Shawn Michaels in 90s. Roman Reigns Wants to become the face of WWE with two moves. Ryback A Goldberg wannabe.
Dean Ambrose The new age Mick Foley (even though WWE doesnt let him get hardcore all the time), Rusev The Russian from Rocky IV, Lana The Russians wife from Rocky IV. Daniel Bryan The guy who knows how to wrestle. Dolph Ziggler Another guy who knows how to wrestle. Usos Twin sons of Rikishi. Bray Wyatt the new face of fear (according to him). Paige the Goth Chick from England who also knows how to wrestle. Bellas biggest proof that talent is not sexually transmitted.
#4 And meet the old guys
Apart from the new guys mentioned in the last slide, there are also a handful of WWE superstars that you would recognize from the past. Here is a look at them and their current situation in the company.
Triple H – Still buries people when he can but does good work at NXT. Vince McMahon – Should retire, but hasn’t. Kane – even he doesn’t know what he is doing. Big Show – 523 turns and counting. Rock – comes around every once in a while. Brock Lesnar – the mayor of suplex city (A place you would not want to visit), still a monster. Paul Heyman – Still the best promo man in the business.
Undertaker – Is at the twilight of his career. Sting – Was a decade late for the invasion angle but made it to WWE anyways. Stephanie McMahon – Still manages to raise the temperature. Goldust – Age is just a number for this guy. Hulk Hogan – Age is not a number for him but still wants to wrestle.
#3 By the way, WWE has a new logo
Speaking about changes, there are two major changes that deserves a mention in the list. One is the new WWE logo that WWE launched in 2014 and the other is the title unification that they did. The new logo is assumed to be an improvement from the old scratch one but in reality, it is just Vince McMahon’s idea of building up the WWE Network brand.
As far as the title is concerned, WWE has taken out the Big Gold Belt (which was with Triple H most of the time) and instead, they now have one WWE Championship belt where the new logo is embedded as well. So are you missing the old logo? Well, you get the drill, $9.99, WWE Network and all.
#2 Chris Benoit was your imagination
Ever heard about that condition where you make up imaginary characters? You apparently have it since you still remember Chris Benoit. According to WWE, there was never a wrestler called Chris Benoit and it was all just the imagination of WWE fans.
There are no official WWE records of Chris Benoit anywhere and at the same time, his matches (memorable ones and non-memorable ones) have been erased. Just mentioning the name of Chris Benoit these days in the presence of any WWE official could get you into trouble. So keep a tab on that.
If you want to have a blast from the past and see all those Benoit matches, go to YouTube and search because you ain’t going to get it on the WWE Network for $9.99.
#1 You can actually see Wrestling in a place called NXT
Finally, if it is some good wrestling that you want, there is always WWE’s developmental territory called NXT. It is basically a one hour weekly show aired on the WWE Network and unlike the three hour crap on Monday and the two hour sleeping pill on Thursdays, NXT is the closest thing you will get to the Ruthless Aggression era.
You might not recognize a lot of wrestlers out there, but that’s the beauty of it. They are sure to sweep you away every week and have some simple yet effective storylines to go with it. WWE also holds a special episode every once in a while, and this episode will be light years better than the WWE pay-per-views.
Tuning back into WWE after a long time is never a cake walk but once you get the hang of it, you’ll join all the internet fans out there and start complaining about each and everything that WWE serves.
