Satire: 5 completely ridiculous reasons why some people dislike Ajinkya Rahane

There are some who feel that Ajinkya Rahane must take responsibility for his ODI record. After all, the team management only took him out of the position he has batted in his entire career; thus forcing him to adapt to a new position and learn the kind of game that it requires at the international level.

Clearly, it's all his fault. Everything is his fault. The Greek economic crisis is his fault. Let's all blame Ajinkya Rahane. Lynch him. Flog him. Hang him by his thumbs.

Lock up your bats and cricket balls, or he may try to practice with them. Don't criticize his performance; he may take it on board and use it to become a better player. Don't send him overseas or he will score runs there.

The man is out of control! Something must be done about the Rahane menace.

#1 Indecisiveness

Ajinkya Rahane is too indecisive to make it as a top flight cricketer. The man can’t even make a decision on that crucial part of an international cricketer’s repertoire; facial hair. What’s with all that stubble?

Mitchell Johnson has his Mitch-stache. Moeen Ali has his beard. Shikhar Dhawan has his Gabbar inspired moustache that helps him strike fear in the hearts of the opposition. Virat Kohli rocks his bad boy look, complete with appropriate facial hair. Imagine these players without their facial hair. Go ahead. Not the same, is it?

Alternatively, Steven Smith has no facial hair. He’s the best batsman in the world. His clarity of thought process is reflected in both is batting and grooming. What is Rahane playing at with his stubble? Does he imagine himself to be some sort of cross between Smith and Kohli? Is that what he’s trying to prove with his look?

For his sake and ours he needs to make a decision. Shave it all or go all in and commit to a role. How can he be expected to handle attacks like the South Africans’ on grounds like the MCG in high pressure situations like the World Cup if he can’t even sort out his personal grooming?

#2 Lack of ambition

International cricket is not for the faint of heart. You need to be ambitious. You need to want success. You need to need success. Ajinkya Rahane clearly doesnt want it very much.

Hes an opening batsman batting out of position in the middle order just because thats what the team wants him to do. How meek. It's best for the team so hes batting out of position. That may be the most idiotic thing I've ever heard; even surpassing the time that chap told me that R Vinay Kumar was not the greatest fast bowler in the history of the universe.

Theres no team in Cricket. There is, however, an I. His lack of ambition was exposed to the whole world when he threw away a Test 100 against Bangladesh to score quick runs for the team. What would Boycott say?

Wheres the public statement by him coveting a batting spot that isnt his, la Shane Watson? How can he be expected to stand up to an Australian pace attack in Test matches at the MCG if he cant even stand up to his teammates?

#3 Not enough first class success

Ajinkya Rahane had represented his country in all 3 formats by the time he was 25 years old. Chris Rogers only got a proper crack at international cricket once he was 35 years old. Clearly, Rahane was hot-slotted into the team based on his IPL success.

He only averages 58 in First Class Cricket and has less than 7,000 First Class Runs. Its not all his fault, he just wasnt equipped to handle international cricket. As many as 11 players in the history of Cricket have a higher first class average than him. Thats a whole Cricket team! But worry not, dear reader, Rahane can take on the role of 12th man, something he has become accustomed to in his time as an international cricketer.

Having said that, how can he be expected to score centuries while opening the batting in ODIs in England with little to no First Class pedigree?

#4 Too stylish

Ajinkya Rahane is too stylish. Hes adept on the front and back foot. He can play any shot with the greatest of ease. This has a two-fold damaging effect on the very structure of Indian cricket.

For one, he lulls the top order into a false sense of security. Everybody knows that the best cricketers thrive under pressure. With such an adept technician coming in, who can blame the top order for getting out cheaply because they know hes coming in next? Who could hold it against them for expecting him to start scoring boundaries from ball one?

After all, hes just an opener batting out of position. Its not like India had a lot of patience with another stylish Mumbai batsman who hadnt found his niche in the batting order. *Cough Cough Rohit Sharma Cough Cough*

The second, more damaging effect is that hes setting an unrealistic standard for youngsters. Not many can bat like Rahane. Not many are as comfortable against pace and spin as he is.

Indian Cricket needs more poster boys of the Ravindra Jadeja variety. His Test debut came ahead of Rahanes; now thats the story you want to tell.

#5 Poor role model

Ajinkya Rahane needs to realize that thousands, nay millions of young children grow up emulating sportsmen, even sportsmen likehim. What sort of example is he setting for them?

This is a new, assertive India. Where are the expletive-ridden tirades against journalists? Hell, the Captain openly criticized him and singled him out after the entire batting order failed and he decided to take his comments positively. He bats out of position; thus being forced to learn his game on the international stage and has taken it into his stride.

This is a world of instant gratification. Do we really want our kids growing up emulating this guy? What sort of message are we trying to send here; that you should put your head down, work hard, wait for your opportunities and take criticism in your stride as a way to improve yourself?

I save this phrase for special occasions only, but this seems to demand it. Pish posh.

Where are the fast cars and scandals? Who do you want your kid emulating; Ajinkya Rahane or Justin Bieber?

Yeah, thats what I thought.