SATIRE: 7 things N Srinivasan will change as ICC Chairman

The magnificence of Narayanaswamy Srinivasan shall never fade. The highest judiciary in the land may expel him from the BCCI Presidents honour, but it can hardly impinge on his nauseating hunger for power. Srinivasan was never born to spend his days in ignominy, he was always meant for superior vengeance.Come Thursday, and what was bound to happen, did.Srinivasans reprisal was complete as he was confirmed as the Chairman of the newly revamped ICC after certain constitutional changes earned unanimous approval from the governing body in Melbourne.Cricket administration has finally landed in the corridor of uncertainty and what ensues now on is bound to go into the annals of history as exemplars for future reference.The enigmatic figure known for his measured shrewdness may defy all efforts of clairvoyance, but I will, nonetheless, present you with seven ways in which he can change the face of the game and how it is run.Disclaimer: This article is a satire, andis only meant for humour.

#1 New Era begins

“I want to see more strong teams in international cricket. For this to be achieved, we all need to work hard to develop local talents in our countries. Naturally, there will be more support to those who first show they can help themselves,” stated Srinivasan after taking over as ICC Chairman.

Well, there are a number of decent and altruistic interpretations of course, but one who has known the speaker, cannot but chuckle at the subtle irony of the statement. There must be no delusions to the fact that Srinivasan’s ascend has finally paved the way for a long cherished supremacy of the Big Three – England, Australia and India.

The promise of rise in stature of other cricketing nations holds as much truth as does the existence of Suresh Raina’s nephew. For all that are expected, ICC is set to function as a subset of BCCI – something that it always have been, albeit unofficially.

Appeasement is a keyword in the Indian constitution, and such ventures are definitely aimed at satiating the appetites of the authority-hungry Indians who had, not long ago, exercised open hypocrisy by burning Srinivasan’s effigies.

#2 Corruption free cricket

“I will leave no stone unturned in trying to strengthen the pillars and foundations of our sport, both on and off the field.”

Not everyone is so sure about what Srinivasan implied by saying ‘off the field’. The reasonable and most pertinent conclusion, therefore, would be that he meant he would make every effort to ensure international cricket remains as corruption free as the Indian Premier League.

The recent betting scandal, the concerned authorities have confirmed multiple times, had been nothing but a reality show gone all wrong with the no-nonsense police force and the Supreme Court stepping in and refusing to acknowledge the humour of it all. The IPL has always been free of corruption regardless of what sting operations may suggest.

Srinivasan has epitomized honesty right from his days as the BCCI treasurer and none can doubt his ‘clear’ conscience when there is evidently no ‘stain’ on him. Cricket followers and ‘enthusiasts’ can certainly brace themselves for better days with the man at the helm of all the power.

#3 ICC to stand for India Cements Council

The blueprint of starting afresh has been endorsed by all the members present at the meeting, according to sources. The idea of rechristening the organization was firmly in harmony with the revamp and it remains only a matter of time before ICC officially comes to be an acronym for India Cements Council.

It is only rational, therefore, that the headquarters of the ICC to be shifted to Chennai and Chepauk will come to acquire the same status as MCG. The pondering thought which looms is that whether the national team will be forced to change its name to Chennai XI.

“I want to ensure that cricket retains and grows its popularity, and that the ICC plays a leading role in this global growth,” said Srinivasan when asked about how the renaming will affect the game. Evidently, he had been giving it a thought for quite some while.

Nothing to complain at all, though. That Indian tourism will receive a major boost is doubtless, and the Tamil cuisine is sure to go down well with the general preference of foreigners. Whatever benefits the Indian team, cricket-wise, will be a bonus.

#4 The D-day for cricket \'enthusiasts\' has arrived

Following Srinivasans appointment, Gurunath Meiyappan has emerged as the Most Interesting Man Alive and is soon expected to shatter records as the most powerful son-in-law in the world of sports overtaking Sergio Aguero.

Unsurprisingly, the efforts of India Cements president to defend Meiyappan all along have not been all futile, for he has suddenly shot into prominence as the ambassador of all enthusiasts around the world. Once the legal proceedings are over, Meiyappan will take over as the first ever holder of the post of Cricket Enthusiast in the BCCI.

Whats more, he is scheduled to form a Guild of Cricket Enthusiasts which will groom and nurture young talents for future appointments to the international boards. Talks are on and spirits are high, because the wait is almost over for the day when sports enthusiasm will be portrayed along a whole new dimension.

#5 Chennai Super Kings to be visiting participant in KFC Big Bash

With the headquarters being shifted to Chennai, it’s only a matter of time before Channai SuperKings emerges as the iconic franchise and a fine paradigm for the entire cricketing world. Srinivasan’s affection for the franchise is as unquestionable and unadulterated as a mother’s love for her child. His appointment at the helm of the cricketing world will certainly augur well for the Men in Yellow.

If rumours are to be believed, Chennai Super Kings have already been invited by Cricket Australia to participate as a visiting team for the KFC Big Bash next season. A similar proposal from the Chairman of the Bangladesh Premier League, however, has been declined owing to conflict in interests between the BCCI and their Bangladesh counterpart.

#6 India to taste victory on English soil

The immediate effects of Srinivasan’s elevation may not be too pronounced in quantity, but the implications are, undoubtedly, significant. Srinivasan has always been a patriotic man, and his welfare is bound to benefit the Indians ‘both on and off the field’.

A particular source eavesdropping on the meeting vouched that he had heard Giles Clarke, the ECB chairman assuring Srinivasan of Indian victory in English soil. Of course, the ‘friendly negotiations’ was for only one match since none in his senses would gamble the odds of winning the series in favour of this Indian team.

The last thing the Tamil administrator needs is found guilty in a fresh sting operation by some hitherto anonymous news channel in their quest for acknowledgement. Especially when India Cements is struggling to take over from Star Group for the sponsorship of the national team.

#7 Srini Review System (SRS)

Step aside Decision Review System (DRS); here comes Srini Review System (SRS).

The failed love story between Narayanaswamy Srinivasan and the DRS is an extremely familiar fact used for exemplifying purposes in Indian matrimonial relationships. Now that he gets to take the call himself, Srinivasan will certainly go to the extent of deleting the DRS from even local cricket clubs in Australia and England.

In order to remind the fathers of the game about his authority and his belief in manual command ahead of technology, the newly appointed ICC Chairman is to introduce the Srini Review System soon. The essentials will be chalked out in further meetings in a way which would guarantee that Srinivasan has the last word in every possible instance.

There is no word available, but it promises to be an interesting move to modify or alter the Duckworth Lewis system as well, if it happens. What remains to be seen is how long Srinivasan continues to be content operating under the rain gods’ authority.

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Edited by Staff Editor