Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction.
As a wrestling fan (I am not really an MMA fan), I’m used to Raw and Smackdown erupting with C.M. Punk chants long after his departure from the company. I do watch the occasional UFC pay-per-view when a big star is involved. When I heard about C.M. Punk entering the octagon to face Mickey Gall, I was intrigued and of course, rooting for the guy.
I couldn’t watch the fight live, because of prior commitments, and received messages such as – ‘Epic Fail. He lasted 2 minutes, and couldn’t get a punch in’, ‘Heart of a lion, heart of a champion...he’s living his dreams and lives to fight another day’, ‘LOL Punk got clobbered’, et al.
Nobody understands the concept of entertainment in sports, quite like Punk does, as was aptly demonstrated by his unwillingness to shake Mickey Gall’s hand at the weigh-ins. And when I was asked to do a parody/satire piece on ‘5 Alternative Careers for C.M. Punk After his UFC 203 Loss’, I jumped at the chance.
This is not meant to disrespect this amazing athlete. It’s meant to do what Punk himself does best- entertain you guys. So read on, and laugh on.
#5 Jobbing for Braun Strowman
Recently, Raw has been hard to watch. It often becomes tiresome, boring and lazy over 3 hours. But one of the highlights every week is meeting a new jobber who gets squashed by Braun Strowman in a matter of minutes. Much like C.M. Punk was at Mickey Gall’s hands. Hey, and in this case, he does not legitimately have to even get hurt.
Plus, it looks more believable losing to a certified monster as opposed to Gall, who looks like he’d not make the lower weight cut for the Cruiserweight Classic. So what does he do after he gets beaten by Strowman? Well, there’s always Nia Jax. We hear Bo Dallas is squashing jobbers too. There’s a sea of opportunities in WWE if Punk returns as a jobber.