Within the ranks of pro wrestling's hierarchy, there's sets, clique's, fraternities and of course, clubs. Amongst those clubs, some are devoted to fellow Hall of Famers, some are just guys associated to one championship or another, some are simply just good ole' boys clubs and so on. But, out of all of the various clubs and sets created, there is one that no one really comes into the business with a sincere desire of joining. This club is one that one won't be bragging to their grandkids one day about and you surely won't have fond, lasting memories of your membership. This club I'm referring to is the "Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club."
The Mr.McMahon Kiss My Ass Club was officially born at the 2001 Survivor Series pay-per-view. This was at the time of the collapse of the WCW/ECW Alliance. For those who are not really familiar with how this club works, well, it's basically consisted of members who are ordered by Mr.McMahon himself to kiss him right square on the rear, in a public showing of ultimate loyalty and respect to the chairman.
This is typically done while Vince is either wearing one of his nicest thongs, or in special members inductions, Mr. McMahon will commence the ceremony completely bare-assed, completely commando....wearing no under garments whatsoever. The prospective members are usually threatened with some sort of disciplinary action, including suspension and/or termination, in the event they refuse to pucker up!
The following is a complete list of all of the official members of The Mr. McMahon Kiss My Ass Club.
1: William Regal
Regal was forced to join the Kiss My Ass Club in order to be rehired after he had previously joined the now defunct Alliance. During Mr.Regals’ induction, Vince proceeded to flex his gluteus maximus muscles and even displayed his special talent, which was making his butt cheeks do various tricks. It was really an amazing feat for all in attendance, those watching around the world and of course, for the man of the hour, who happened to have the front row seat of this show, William Regal.
Mr.McMahon even had Regal apply a liberal amount of lip balm, prior to laying one on him, or on his bottom anyhow. I mean, after all, we surely didn't want to risk the richest rear in wrestling getting nicked by a possible chapped lip! In the end, it was a glorious event, capped off by William Regal becoming the first official member of the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club.
2: Jim Ross
Good Ole' JR is loved by everyone. So, what on earth could be the cause for someone so beloved amongst fans and peers, to have to join something as deplorable as Vince McMahons Kiss My Ass Club? Well, it actually took place in front of J.R.'s hometown, Oklahoma City crowd, on a November 2001 episode of Monday Night Raw, which made things even more humiliating for the Hall of Fame broadcaster.
It was November 26, 2001, the Ford Center in the heart of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma that Monday Night Raw was live in Brick City. After Mr.McMahon had recently caught Jim Ross laughing at him, for failing to force Stone Cold Steve Austin to join the Kiss My Ass Club, he then turned his attention to the voice of the WWE.
As Vince got Ross into position, he began to laugh and mock J.R. and while doing so, he encouraged the fans and everyone else to do so as well, in an attempt to make this whole ordeal as humiliating as possible. Just as Jim was about to finish the deed, The Undertakers music came on and Deadman made his way to the ring, in what appeared to be an honourable run-in by Taker, to save Jim Ross from further humiliation.
However, much to everyone's surprise, Taker actually joined forces with McMahon and Kurt Angle, as they all three together, forced Jim Ross to not only finish what he started but also give the billion dollar arse a big hug as well.
After the segment, Angle, The Undertaker and McMahon all celebrated in the middle of the ring, together as one big happy, evil family.
3: Shawn Michaels
The Heartbreak Kid would become the third member of The Kiss My Ass Club during the February 27, 2006 edition of Monday Night Raw, live from the Nations capital, Washington DC.
The Spirit Squad came out first, introducing a special cheer they had created specifically for the boss man. Vince praised the Squad, mentioning how The Squad reminded him of another former team...The Rockers. Marty Jannetty came to the ring next, as McMahon stood there smiling, with his muscle for the evening, Chris Masters. Marty pleaded with McMahon to give him a job. Vince ordered Jannetty to his knees and as he began to drop his drawers, Marty begged for an alternate method of obtaining a job, to which McMahon answered by having Masters apply the Master lock on Jannetty.
As Jannetty was subdued by the Master lock, Vince barked for Chris to "break his neck," until finally, Shawn Michaels raced down the ramp to save his friend. Unfortunately, HBK was nailed by a steel chair, compliments of Shane-O-Mac. Vince then once again revealed his bottom for the world to see, as Shane McMahon lifted Michaels' lifeless body up and forced his lips onto his dad's rear-end, resulting in Shawn forcibly joining the Mr.McMahon Kiss My Ass Club.
4: Shane McMahon
Shane-O-Mac would become the fourth member of his father's Kiss My Ass Club, on April 22, 2006 at Wrestlemania 22, making him the only member or this historic club to join at the years biggest event, Wrestlemania.
The Heartbreak Kid waited over two long months for the sweet revenge he would get on this night. Sure, Shane McMahon had plans on making Shawn Michaels replicate what happened to him on Raw, earlier in the year. However, just as Shane attempted to once again force Shawn’s face into Mr.McMahon’s backside, Michaels countered, overpowered Shane and completely turned the tables, forcing Shane's face into his own father's bottom, unbeknownst to the Chairman.
The whole time, Vince thought he once again had Shawn Michaels lips planted on his rear. Mr.McMahon even offered up a good gesture of appreciation, by passing gas, directly on his son’s face, much to the delight of the fans.
5: Mick Foley
Mrs.Foley's baby boy joined the Kiss My Ass club on the August 21, 2006 episode of Monday Night Raw, live from Bridgeport, Connecticut.
On this particular night, Foley was trying to prevent Melina from being terminated. So, in order to keep her job, Mick Foley was given the opportunity to be a hero and save a damsel in distress. All he had to do, was pucker up and plant one on wrestling's wealthiest bottom. This would actually make Foley the first, since William Regal, to join the Club willingly.
Being the good, loyal friend he was, Mick took this one for the team and dropped to his knees and planted his lips firmly on McMahon’s cheek. Foley delivered a surprisingly long smooch to the chairman's bottom, all out of loyalty to who he thought was his friend. Unfortunately for Mick, Melina turned on him, betraying their friendship and in the end, Mick Foley ended up losing his job.
6: Hornswoggle
Vince McMahon's illegitimate, bast bastard child, Hornswoggle become the sixth and final member of the exclusive Kiss My Ass Club on Monday Night Raw, back on February 6, 2008 in the Texas capital city of Austin.
During the segment, Vince spent a lot of time mocking and ridiculing Hornswoggle, trying to embarrass the little guy as much as possible. Vince then told the fans that he was rather gassy that particular night long insinuating what sort of deplorable acts he may add to the induction. Just as Vince bent down to Hornswoggles height, Finlay interrupted. Mr.McMahon warned both Hornswoggle and Finlay that Finlay was placing himself in danger of joining the Club after Hornswoggle, had he decided to get involved in the festivities.
Nonetheless, the ceremony moved on and just as Mr.McMahon bent over and ordered Hornswoggle to kiss his ass. Hornswoggle attempted to allude joining, as he then opened his mouth and bit Vince on the bottom. However, when it was all said and done, Mr.McMahon confirmed that regardless of the fact that Hornswoggle had bitten him, his lips still made contact with his backside, thus making him an official member of the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club.
Near Misses
Along with the six official members of the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club, there have been several superstars over the years, that have alluded membership in some way or another. The following list contains names of superstars who narrowly avoided membership.
-Stone Cold Steve Austin: On the November 26, 2001 edition of Monday Night Raw, Stone Cold Steve Austin was slated to become a member of the Kiss My Ass Club. However, in true Rattlesnake fashion, Austin attacked Mr. McMahon until Kurt Angle frantically raced in to make the save. As the brawl spilled into the crowd, Jim Ross started laughing, which is ultimately what got Ross into the predicament, which caused him to be the one being inducted that night.
-Trish Stratus: During the November 29, 2001 episode of Smackdown, The Rock saved Trish Stratus from becoming the latest inductee into The infamous Kiss My Ass Club. Rocky did his best to then humiliate Vince, just as he had done everyone else in the past. The segment quickly turned into a brawl, but when it was all said and done, it was Vince McMahon who ended up being forced to kiss Rikishi's ass.
-Zach Gowen: Zach desperately wanted to land a WWE contract, so in order to do so, Mr. McMahon decided he would come up with a way for Gowen to get what he wanted. However, it would include Vince getting something that he wanted in return. In exchange for a WWE contract, Gowen would have to join Mr. McMahons Kiss My Ass Club. Just as Vince assumed the position, Zach opted out by delivering a low blow, instead of doing such a vile act for a contract.
-Eric Bischoff: Eric Bischoff had made a career out of not necessarily doing things the right way. In fact, Bischoff is not a very well liked figure in professional wrestling. At this point, Eric found himself in a predicament in which he was trying to salvage his own job. Of course, Vince offered Bischoff an opportunity to save face, simply by joining The Kiss My Ass Club. In the end, Eric simply couldn't do it. In return, for his disobedience, Vince had Bischoff face Steve Austin at the No Way Out pay-per-view, in what he called the "Get My Ass Kicked Club."
-Marty Jannetty: As we mentioned earlier, when Shawn Michaels joined the Kiss My Ass Club, Marty Jannetty was originally supposed to kiss the boss man's bottom, in exchange for a job. However, it was The Heartbreak Kid who ended up being forced to kiss Vince McMahon's backside and as for Marty, he ended up in the arms of Chris Masters, in a Master Lock.
-Triple H: During an episode of Monday Night Raw, on April 2, 2008, Vince McMahon wanted Trips to prove his loyalty, prove to him that he was willing to do anything for the cause and that he was indeed the true leader of the locker room. In order to prove his loyalty, Mr. McMahon wanted Triple H to join the Kiss My Ass Club, as this, he thought would be the ultimate display of his allegiance towards the company and towards Vince himself. As Vince ordered Shane to force Triple H's face into position, Trips took control of the situation, overpowered Shane and forced the baby boy to kiss his own dad's ass. He then turned to Vince and with his trousers still at his ankles.
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