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Total Bellas, Episode 6: Finality

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Is Kathy gonna be ok? Will Bryan find his way back to a healthy mind? Who won the season? Was it Cena because Cena always wins?

Spoiler: Josie lives!

Previously on…

Kathy got a weird surprise lap dance from the part of the Jersey Shore underneath the boardwalk. JJ continued to lose his footing as Best Bella, Nikki snuck in another win, and Cena painted neon penises.

Also, Johnny Laurinaitis blew up Kathy’s “possible cancer” spot to the whole family, and Bryan has seemed to improve slightly since removing himself from the show. I wish I could do the same…

Winston probably ate more of his own poop.


The beginning of the end

Tears of joy. Probably because the season is ending.

So I guess this is the season finale?

I didn’t even realise that until the episode ended and the “Next time on…” part was replaced by “Total Divas returns!” As much as I bitch and moan about having to watch this show, I am going to miss judging people on TV that aren’t here to defend themselves. Makes me feel like a big man. 

So the big deal this episode, and I guess a running theme this whole season, is the marriage between Ma Bella (Kathy) and Johnny Ace (Laurinaitis). Family from both sides are in attendance, and everyone is drinking except Lauren, JJ’s wife because she’s pregnant.

The wedding ceremony is on a boat, and it’s nice enough, I guess. Look, I’ve been on a punk rock booze cruise that was classier than this Fancy Dress Float-a-thon. All these people are astronaut rich, so I assumed they could afford a wedding on land. And NOT in Florida. But what do I know? 

My favourite visiting relative is Nana, the Bella Kids’ grandma. She looks as old as time but has plenty of gusto, and genuinely seems to love her grandkids. She gives Nikki and John, couples advice and enjoys the wedding and party. At one point she did say that “Watching television is boring”, so she and I could never be friends.

Bummer, too, I’m always looking for a feisty grandma-type to add to my crew.

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