Satire: India vs Pakistan, 3rd ODI: LOL report!

The BCCI had almost decided to cancel the Australia series and invite Zimbabwe instead, looking at the way the Indians had performed over the last couple of months. Rahane’s inclusion made no difference initially; he scored just as many runs as Sehwag would have scored. The only top order batsman who was batting well was Sachin Tendulkar, but against Baroda in the Ranji Trophy game where he ended up scoring a hundred.

MS Dhoni was not in his usual Test match mode despite knowing he might end up being the lone warrior yet again. Sakshi’s only complaint is that Dhoni loves being not-out more than he loves her. Apparently, the last time Dhoni was dismissed was in an ODI on Indian soil was in the 2011 World Cup semi final against Pakistan. Ravindra Jadeja did however manage some big hits. “I thought I was batting in an IPL game,” he told us. India folded up for 167. Against an inexperienced bowling attack, in a 50 over game, when you’re doing so well, it seemed like the only team that could lose the game from here was South Africa.

Saeed Ajmal, after taking five wickets, requested the umpire to give him the match ball. Minutes later, the ICC tweeted saying, “Ajmal took the ball that was used from the other end, not the one that he bowled with.” Well, the two new balls rule is confusing bowlers off the field too.

Kamran Akmal more than made up for his good keeping in this tour by getting out cheaply early on. Suddenly, the Indian bowlers started bowling like Hrithik Roshan playing basketball in Koi Mil Gaya. Pakistan were two down when Misbah came in. He has been requesting for an India-Pakistan Test series since God knows when. Look at his strike rate. Pity the organizers don’t get it.

Rahane saved more runs than Sehwag had scored in his last 10 games, courtesy some unbelievable fielding. The Indians gave nothing away and the pressure started to mount. Shami’s bouncer hit Umar Gul on the helmet. The last time an Indian bowler did this was perhaps back in 345 B.C. Jadeja, after completing his unbelievable spell of 10-2-19-1, signalled to the dressing room asking Duncan Fletcher to take a screenshot of his bowling figures.

Of course, the wrong decisions from the umpires helped India get closer. Hafeez, who came lower down the order after Dhoni struck him on his finger in the first half of the game, failed to take his team home. Sachin scored a hundred, but India still won. Dr. Manmohan Singh should probably ask the Pakistan Government for two more ODIs. “Else, we’re not sending them back home”, he must say. Of course, Shoaib Malik will be happy.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and not intended to hurt anybody’s sentiments.