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Cewsh reviews WWE Immortals

WWE Immortals is an exercise in technological futility on par with Skynet. Only instead of destroying the entire world in a firey robot apocalypse, it commits the arguably higher crime of being so dull and uninspired that I wish that it would.To Be Continued »


WWE Immortals is an exercise in technological futility on par with Skynet. Only instead of destroying the entire world in a firey robot apocalypse, it commits the arguably higher crime of being so dull and uninspired that I wish that it would.

It has long been an issue for mobile games to create gameplay that feels fresh and interesting despite a very limited set of interactive tools to work with. You have the swipe, the other swipe, the tap, the FAST tap, and the kind of swirly motion that you will never get right even if you designed the game yourself. Despite this, there have been some really interesting and worthwhile mobile games, from console game ports like Chrono Trigger to addictive puzzlers like Candy Crush and on to unique oddities like Flappy Bird. All of those used the tools at their disposal to deliver a gaming experience that fit the device, all of them were fun to play, and all of them taught valuable lessons that went entirely unheeded by WWE Immortals.

Now, it must be said, WWE Immortals is a fighting game, which is much harder to make work on mobile devices, and there is some tremendously cool design work here. The character models are gorgeous, the backgrounds are varied and interesting, and the atmosphere of the thing gets you pumped up to play it from the very first screen.

Indeed, the only problem with this game is that you have to play it. If it were being offered as a cool picture simulator then I would give it two big thumbs up. But since this is a game, and is intended to be played for fun, we have an issue. After 5 minutes of play, you will already have done everything that there is to do with WWE Immortals. After 10 minutes it will begin to dawn on you that all of the new unlockables that you're working towards are just slightly different looking versions of the characters that you started with. After 20 minutes of play, you are faced with a decision to stop playing, and move on to more engaging activities like watching paint dry in slow motion with your parents, or risking your brain forcefully escaping your body and charting a ship to the new world in search of happiness and adventure. Even though the second option sounds like the start to a charming Pixar adventure, that doesn't make the experience any more pleasant for you.

Now, there are some people who will like this game. After all, there is a huge group of people who enjoy the game that this is an almost direct ripoff of, (Injustice: Gods Among Us,) and who enjoy pouring money into an endless vortex of nothingness, that rewards you with brief glimpses of new colors and leaves you to imagine that that means that something has changed. It hasn't. It never will. WWE Immortals is an unchanging, relentless assault upon your basic human need for stimuli. But if you downloaded this because it looked cool and find yourself despairing at the time you've already wasted on it, it's okay to feel better. There are still worse things you could do with your time.

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