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Not every pay per view can be an instant classic, and as such, not every pay per view match can tear the house down. Whether it be because of storyline reasons or just because you need a good squash match from time to time, the majority of bouts on WWE PPV cards as of late haven’t actually gone that long.
A few of these are almost certainly going to frustrate fans who wanted to block these contests out of their minds forever, but hindsight is a funny thing. Some of these booking decisions may have come across as utterly ludicrous at the time, but when looking back on them, they become more and more logical.
Of course, a select handful of them will never be justifiable, which is one of the many reasons why the burning passion of the IWC will likely never die. Oh, and by the way, pre-show matches and NXT shows aren’t included.
With that being said, here are the 10 shortest WWE pay per view matches of 2017.
#10) Rich Swann & Sasha Banks vs. Alicia Fox & Noam Dar – 6 mins 20 secs
While Rich Swann may be nothing more than a distant memory in the present day, he was actually quite a popular figure in the early stages of 2017. He was so popular, in fact, that he got the chance to team up with Sasha Banks in an intriguing mixed tag bout against Alicia Fox and Noam Dar at Extreme Rules.
Contrary to what many fans were expecting going in, it was actually a decent match. The four were able to mesh well together and while some people thought it was a waste of time, it gave them all something to do. It was quick, it was entertaining, and it helped to raise the profile of two cruiserweights if only for one night.
#9) Naomi vs. Bliss vs. Lynch vs. Carmella vs. James vs. Natalya – 5 mins 35 secs
Despite being the penultimate match of WrestleMania 33, this six-woman cluster didn’t exactly feel like the spectacle it should’ve. Sure, it led to Naomi being crowned champion once again in her hometown of Orlando, but beyond that, it suffered greatly due to being just over five and a half minutes long.
This brought back memories of WrestleMania 30 when every single woman on the roster was thrown into the ring in order to try and take the title off of AJ Lee. It felt clunky, and while we’re happy to see that they were all given a featured spot on the card, we’d like to see something that’s not quite as ‘thrown together’ for this year’s SD Live women’s title match at Mania.
8) Big Cass vs. Enzo Amore – 5 mins 25 secs
When Big Cass and Enzo Amore initially split up in the months following WrestleMania 33, very few people thought it was a good idea. The duo seemed to bounce off of one another brilliantly, and now with Enzo being gone for good, we’re left to question whether or not Big Cass has an extended future with WWE.
This match, however, was just about perfect in every sense of the word. Cass manhandled Enzo for five minutes before putting the former Cruiserweight champ out of his misery, firmly establishing Cass as a monster heel in the process. Unfortunately an injury derailed his progress not long after, but for now, we’re choosing to think about the positives.
#7) Alexa Bliss vs. Bayley – 5 mins 10 secs
The feud between Alexa Bliss and Bayley seemed to start off hot before quickly running out of steam, with Alexa dominating from the word go. The Blissful One had transitioned over brilliantly from SmackDown Live, and after taking the title off Bayley within a matter of weeks, she proceeded to embarrass The Hugger at Extreme Rules.
The Kendo Stick on a Pole concept really didn’t work, and it made Bayley look weaker than she ever has done before. These two simply weren’t ready for this kind of spotlight match, and after it was all said and done we were left to wonder whether or not Vince decided to call an audible and cut the match short.
Keep these two away from each other for the foreseeable future, please.
#6) Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar – 4 mins 45 secs
The six-month-long feud between Goldberg & Brock Lesnar was much more enjoyable than hardcore fans will care to admit, with their hard-hitting styles meshing together perfectly between Survivor Series and WrestleMania. The end result, as we all know, was Lesnar capturing the Universal Championship last April in Orlando.
But that doesn’t quite tell the entire story because despite their match at the Citrus Bowl going less than five minutes, it was actually really enjoyable. They battled inside the ring and out, with both men hitting their big finishers in an attempt to get the job done early.
It felt more like a Heavyweight title scrap in the UFC and considering that Lesnar was involved, that can only be a good thing.
#5) Breezango vs. The Ascension – 3 mins 50 secs
Given how close these two teams are in the present day, it’s almost odd to look back at a time when they were rivals. Their story together has been extremely amusing over on SmackDown Live, despite the fact that we’d probably prefer to see The Ascension being featured in feuds that are a little bit more serious than this.
They went up against each other at the Money in the Bank pay per view back in the summer, which is a good indication of just how far the prestige of that event has fallen in recent years. Still, they continue to be one of the most entertaining parts of SD Live, which also doesn’t bode well for the public image of the blue brand.
#4) Heath Slater vs. Curt Hawkins – 2 mins 10 secs
In 2016 Heath Slater was a champion in WWE, which was a huge achievement given that the WWE Universe didn’t expect him to rise above the status of a ‘jobber’. In 2017, however, things took a turn for the worse as Slater was featured in a pay per view match at Great Balls of Fire that re-defined the meaning of the word ‘pointless’.
We barely got to see any of the in-ring action because of what was happening with Braun Strowman backstage, and if we were Slater or Hawkins, we’d be a little bit insulted by that. Obviously, the outcome of the match wasn’t likely to impact any storylines moving forward, but it’s always nice to see underutilised talent being showcased on the PPV stage.
#3) Bludgeon Brothers vs. Breezango – 1 min 58 secs
Breezango makes a somewhat surprising second appearance on this list courtesy of the last pay per view event of the year: Clash of Champions. Breeze & Fandango were quite literally thrown to the wolves as the debuting Bludgeon Brothers dismantled them, and it took less than 120 seconds for them to do it.
The Bludgeon Brothers now seem destined to go forward and win the SD Live Tag Team Championships, which would potentially lead to another series of matches with The Usos.
So if this squash means that we’ll get to see that iconic showdown once again, then we’re okay with having to sit through this.
#2) Kevin Owens vs. Goldberg – 0 mins 20 secs
Kevin Owens was once known for being the longest reigning Universal Champion in history, and now, the majority of people only remember his reign because of how it ended.
Sure, we all saw it coming, and sure it was inevitable, but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. Owens carried Monday Night Raw on his back for the better part of six months, only for Goldberg to come in and dismantled him in less than half a minute.
Owens managed to bounce back as he always does, but Fastlane will always be known as the pay per view in which KO’s title run died in the most painful of ways possible.
#1) Randy Orton vs. Rusev – 0 mins 10 secs
The Randy Orton & Rusev feud that took place over the summer felt a bit off from the very beginning, with there being no real motivation for these two to fight whatsoever. It was clear to us that they were being thrown together because neither man had anything better to do, and the end result was absolutely baffling.
Orton managed to catch The Bulgarian Brute off guard and pin him within 10 seconds back at SummerSlam, in a match that summarised why the event was so distinctly average this year.
Randy has been in desperate need of a heel turn for quite some time now, meanwhile, Rusev continues to be the most underrated member of the SD Live roster.
