What the Pak!!!

Players must realize that they should not cross their limits

The last fortnight has all been about Balls and Butts for Pakistan. Just when one thinks the Pakistan controversy saga is nearing an end, like an Ekta Kapoor serial, we have a new unexpected twist from nowhere. The latest to have his name added to the prosecutor’s list (or rather have his name restored to the list) is Shoiab Akhtar, who has been ‘alleged’ for ball tampering.

Meanwhile, Pakistan officials have, out of habit, refuted all allegations. Ijaz Butt made it clear that all allegations are baseless and without any proof, choosing to forget all about the video footage. He said, “We have increased the gap between the floor and the base of the door so that dossiers can be slipped between them”, adding that he would we go all out to ensure justice. A leaked footage reveals the Pakistani president in conversation with his lawyers discussing the implications of denying that Asif, Aamer and Butt are Pakistan citizens. He was recorded as saying, “In this way, we can delay proceedings for up to six months, by which time people would forget everything about the matter”. In related news, the website WikiLeaks has refused to accept submissions on the Pakistan cricket team as their servers are incapable of handling so much load.

Look who is endorsing Dr. Fixit

But all has not been tough going for the three players banned by ICC. The trio have been made the ambassador of Dr. Fixit. Also, they have been receiving motivational talks from an Indian ‘management guru’ who refused to be identified. “Dare to think beyond ICC”, is what he told them. He reportedly met the tainted players to work on his forthcoming book ‘Know your no balls before they are bowled’ which would be a sequel to his ‘Count your chickens before they hatch’.

Also in news is Asif’s ex-girlfriend, Veena Malik who said that she was expecting a bravery award for testifying against Asif (No jokes on this as I could not find anything funnier than this piece of news itself). She has been receiving death threats after this. Ijaz Butt has blamed the Indian Government for this, as seems to be the trend nowadays. He also blamed the Indian Government for Federer’s unforced errors in the US-open semi-final match, Rooney’s infidelity, Flintoff’s retirement and the failure to properly organize the CWG. (Please ignore the last one – it is actually true).

Meanwhile, Chairman of Selectors, Krishnamachari Srikkanth explained that spot-fixing would never happen in Indian cricket. We have already taken proactive measures to prevent this. We have Ravindra Jadeja in our team who under performs for free so no one would ever pay him to do so.