El Hadji Diouf, the spitter: Tracking the notorious habit of football's most hated man

When Charlie Sheen was fired from his role on Two and a Half Men by CBS, he allegedly stood on top of his Beverly Hills mansion and screamed his lungs out shouting “FREEDOM!”.

On 31st August on the final day of the transfer deadline El Hadji Diouf was released from his contract at Blackburn Rovers. It was said that both the parties terminated the contract by mutual consent. But was it really the case?

I can only imagine a Steve Kean sitting behind his managerial desk with his mouth stuffed with fried chicken, threatening Dioufy with a Venky’s chicken Lollipop in one hand to terminate the contract on his own accord. Kean must have got direct orders from the chair-woman Anuradha Desai to pluck the extra feathers in her chicken (read squad) to make way for a “Rooster” Raul or the other big names they are usually linked with.

A typical Dioufy would have sucked in a lot of air and spat right on the dotted line. If Mario Balotelli liked to throw darts, Diouf loved to unload a mouthful of spittle.

First signs of this unpleasant habit emerged only after he signed for Liverpool in 2002 after the World Cup in South Korea. So between this time window of his move from Lens to Liverpool via South Korea, some strange and inexplicable thing must have happened to him, which changed his behavior forever.

To investigate this matter further, I have put on my Inspector Clouseau hat and set off sniffing around Tim Berners Lee backyard for clues.

I have learnt that in most of the Asian countries spitting publicly is as normal as men holding hands in the West. South Koreans do not think twice before painting their roads red after chewing tobacco.

Diouf traveled to Seoul with the Senegal national football team for the Fifa World Cup. His team defeated France in the first round group game and reached the quarter finals for the first time. They were eventually beaten by Turkey in extra time.

I found that a pattern has emerged from the data I collected from 2002 till 2011. I can safely say that Diouf started spitting only after setting foot in England. It all started in 2003 during a Uefa Cup quarter final tie against Celtic at Anfield, he spat on a couple of Celtic supporters after Liverpool drew the first leg.

It doesn’t take one to have a doctorate in clinical psychology to understand that Diouf had a mental break down from the pressure of facing a back to back quarter final defeat in two years.

Diouf was fined two weeks’ wages by Liverpool, was slapped with a £5,000 fine by the Glasgow Sheriff Court and was also handed a two-match ban by UEFA. He missed the second leg at Celtic park and Liverpool were beaten 3-1 on aggregate.

Liverpool shipped him off to Bolton Wanders in 2004 after making 80 appearances for the Merseyside team. They usually say that Red is the color of fire and blood, so it is associated with energy, war, and danger. Even the change of colors from red to white – a color associated with Light, goodness and innocence – did not stop Diouf from gargling a drink and shooting phlegm at a 11 year old Middlesbrough fan. He was charged by the Police and was fined £500.

Just 12 days later in a home game against Harry Redknapp’s Portsmouth, Diouf’s mucus had found the target yet again. Diouf’s other talents apart from spitting include, winning free kicks by theatricality and manipulation. He tried to cheat the referee into giving a penalty but was let off without even a booking. Portsmouth captain Arjan de Zeeuw confronted the “Artist” and it is best that you hear it from the victim himself rather than me.

I thought it was a dive and I told him so, but he just spat on my face.

Bolton fined him a fortnight’s wages and banned him for three games.

You might ask if the 2002 World cup in Seoul inspired Diouf to start spitting, then what inspired him to spit again after the 2003 incident in Anfield. Well I can back that up as as well.

I traded my Inspector Clouseau hat for an English barrister’s short horsehair wig with curls at the side to make make my opening statement.

Your Honor….

Diouf did not go on a summer vacation that year after 2003-2004 season had ended. He was holed up in a small room with no windows watching the Euro 2004 championship on his telly.

Evidence number #1

In a match between Italy and Denmark, suddenly something has happened that lit up his swollen pupils, Francesco Totti spat on an unsuspecting Chrsitian Poulsen straight on his face and jogged off without turning back.

Evidence number #2

Just two days after Totti was handed a 3 match ban, the UEFA launched a probe to investigate an alleged spitting incident in which Steven Gerrard is said to have been targeted by Switzerland striker Alexander Frei. Subsequent video footage showed the Swiss shooting a gob full of spit from behind on Gerrard’s neck.

So my Lord, my client is not guilty of his actions in 2004 at Bolton. He was only influenced by what was shown on TV. I strongly recommend the censor board to be more stringent on such acts of vulgarity as their influence on young minds is greater than its face value.

With that I rest my case.

In my POV, Diouf is a “spitting” image of Patrik Vieira. The Frenchman is possibly the most captured face on camera, who is caught spitting on the ground during a game.

Recieved a six-match ban and a £30000 fine after spitting at Niel Ruddock

Football analysts usually record the distance covered by a player during a game, if they start counting the number of times a player spits on the ground during a 90 min match, it would come as no surprise if Vieira top the charts followed closely by his compatriot Theiry Henry.

Over the years Diouf has inspired other players to aim for the stars…erm…. for the face I mean.

Cesc Fabregas baptizes Michael Ballack

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oH2kB3t7b3U&feature=player_detailpage

Lionel Messi during a La Liga game

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlSe4uLumC4&feature=player_detailpage

Will Charlie and Diouf, both notorious for their explosive tempers find new contracts? As of now, the picture is bleak. Only time will tell.