10 reasons why signing Usain Bolt is good for Manchester United

“People think I am joking. But if Alex Ferguson called me up and said, ‘OK let’s do this, come and have a trial’, it would be impossible for me to say no.”- Usain Bolt

Manchester United has a storied history of great players. This is one guy who needs to be a part of it. Sir Alex Ferguson needs to sign up Usain Bolt to play for Manchester United. He needs to. Right away. Why so you ask? Here are ten reasons why:

1. Lightening speed

Lets get the obvious out of the way first of all. Usain Bolt is insanely fast. Unlike most sports like basketball and cricket where the scope of running is limited to smaller distances, a football field is big enough for someone like Bolt to get the maximum advantage from his speed over the competition.

When I play FIFA with a created character, the first stat I look to max up is speed. On long crosses speed makes the difference between a goal and a interception. I’m already salivating at the prospect of watching Bolt blaze through on counter attacks.

2. He’s got game

“I wouldn’t take such a challenge if I didn’t think I was good enough to make an impression. I know I can make the difference and I would be the fastest player on the squad”- Usain Bolt. No questioning the second, as to the first Bolt does have game.

Well from what little he has shown, there is probably more to come. And the coach expects that too: “The people from these small islands, like Dwight Yorke from Trinidad & Tobago, they all play football and he probably played at school level or youth level or something like that. It’d be nice to get him up here, I think it’ll be good.”- Sir Alex.

3. Height and headers

Bolt is really tall. Six foot five. And he’s been referred to as a knucklehead for slowing down at the finish line. That gives him a strong head for headers. Think of a defender trying to body the offense out of the box, and before the defense can blink, Bolt blows in and explodes up for a header to net the goal. Being superhumanly fast also gives Bolt a good vertical and lateral aerial movement. He can leap around a wall in a single bound. It’s rare to see a guy in football who is that tall and can jump the way Bolt can.

4. Persona

“Usain’s a character and a big United fan.”- Sir Alex.

Usain Bolt is one of the most charismatic athletes in the world. He has a larger than life persona and something like that serves to buoy fans up on one hand and deter the opponents on the other. This is a man who taunts opponents in a 100m race! Where every millisecond matters he still finds time to play with their heads. Imagine the impact of his personality on a football field where he has all the time and privacy to taunt players into red cards.

5. Pose

See above picture. That is one of the most iconic celebrations around.See below pose, how even the stoic Bobbies are not immune to striking this pose.

How much more fun will it be to watch United fans do the Bolt instead of doing the Wave. Every fan wants to look cooler than the next and more supportive of his/her team. They go to the extent of painting their entire bodies to stand out. But Bolt’s pose is a great unifier which will bring all fans together.

This is one homogeneous style which can be caught on easily and become a sign of a United supporter. Walking down streets Man U fans will just do the Bolt instead of shaking hands or exchanging pleasantries.

6. Marketing/Public relations dream

It’ll be one of the greatest marketing coups ever for a football team. One one hand you have the most recognizable runner in the world. On the other you have the most popular football team. A confluence between the two will have their fan bases overlapping and multiplying each other resulting in perhaps the most recognizable sports brand. Carrick and Vidic wear Puma as well. There’s money here waiting to be made.

7. Gamblers dream

In sports, gamblers gamble on just about anything. Not just the outcome of the match or the goals scored. Will the striker strike a defender?Will the goalie get bored and start chasing butterflies? With Bolt you have at least a few surefire winner of categories to bet on.Will he get to a long ball before the defender?Will he celebrate a goal before its scored?Will he strike the pose?

With Usain Bolt there are a few things you can always count on. That he will be the first, that he will be cocky and he will strike a pose. And Sir Alex knows the infallibility of Bolt’s characteristics. He has already cleaned up by betting on Bolt. He said: “I must thank him because that was my biggest bet. Bolt was 4/5 to win each of them, the 100m and 200m, a week before the tournament started. It was a brilliant bet. I couldn’t believe it. He’s the fastest man in the world and the others would have to have taken half a second off their running to beat him.

It’s nice to be certain of some things in life. Sun rises in the east. Terry bangs WAGs. And Bolt will always be Bolt and do Bolt things.

8. Premature celebration

One Bolt thing I’m really looking forward to. Bolt has been known to slow down before the finish line. Normally that kind of thing would be unheard of in 100m races.

But well when you can build up a lead like that you can afford to prance around even during the race. He is making world class athletes look pathetic in the picture above. Premature celebration is like a compulsion with him.

I can’t wait to see how he’s going to prematurely celebrate a goal. Start running at the sidelines before netting the ball in? Strike his infamous pose during a corner kick leading to a handball instead of a header? Only Bolt knows.

9. All eyes on him

Usain Bolt has a magnetic presence. In a 100m race he is all that anyone can look at. You can’t take your eyes off him for one instant because he is so alluring to watch and because if you do take your eyes off, he will be gone before you can say Usain. There’s a great side effect here. Teammates can get away with all kinds of hanky panky while everyone including the refs are mesmerized by Bolt. Get away with blatant offsides, pull down the shorts of the opponents, and cause mayhem while Bolt keeps everyone preoccupied.

10. Chemistry

“We’re going to get him up. He’s been here a couple of times and he did help Cristiano Ronaldo with his sprinting.” – Sir Alex.

Bolt has already been there and established a rapport with the players. Maybe Ronaldo had taught him a thing or two in return too.

He has the backing of Rio Ferdinand. And of Alex Ferguson. Couple that with the reasons outlined above can conclude that Usain Bolt needs to be signed up by Manchester United asap. “It’s interesting he says he’d like to play in a charity game. It could be brilliant and next year, when we play Real Madrid’s Legends again, there could be opportunities to bring him up and see how he does.”- Sir Alex. That charity game could be a precursor to great things. All Bolt needs is a shot.

Give it to him.