Utterly mundane cliches from cricket commentators

Many a time I wonder, how cricket commentators find the energy to speak the same things again and again (and again) while commentating. Most of the time, cricket is the same humdrum in loop (one of the reasons why I stopped watching cricket) but to the commentators, every incident is like it’s happening for the first time!

Barring a few like Harsha Bhogle, all of them throw cliche after cliche to the listener. Sometimes I wonder if they’ve recorded an hours worth of commentary and are playing it on loop. Here is a list of things commentators have to say during a match, without which it cannot conclude:

You don’t want to get into an argument with Commentator Ravi Shastri.

1) It’s very important to get a good start for the opener so that the middle order players can consolidate and build on to the platform.

Reaction: Oh yes! I thought the openers were only supposed to warm the crease.

2) It will be very important for the bowlers to maintain line and length.

Reaction: Uh huh! Thank you for informing.

3) The bowlers need to get early wickets.

Reaction: Yes, it’s okay if they go for 6 sixes in an over after that.

4) The death overs are going to be the key.

Reaction: Because the middle overs are a complete deadlock.

5) The fielding needs to be very good. It is half the battle won.

Reaction: By this time you’re wondering if there’s something that isn’t a ‘key’.

6) Seems like this was the commentators curse.

Reaction: Yes, Nostradamus. You self-obsessed narcissist!

7) Winning the toss has turned out to be the key.

Reaction: Another key.

8) The umpires need to be uniform in their decision making.

Reaction: Is it! I thought they move their arms in random motion to exercise.

9) Cricket is such that you never know till it has really ended.

Reaction: Yes, yes they all say the same thing about each sport. They’re all so exhilarating!

10) At the end of the day, cricket won.

Reaction: Then, why did either of the teams play?