Parenting a sporting child: Aparna Popat talks to the GoSports Foundation

aparna popat
Indian shuttler Aparna Popat talks about coaching young athletes

The GoSports Foundation has launched a first-of-its-kind initiative in the sports ecosystem – the GoSports Foundation Athletes’ Education programme. The programme aims to impart life skills for athletes, and create awareness about crucial supplementary disciplines such as injury management, rehabilitation, mental conditioning, and nutrition.

This is achieved through sessions conducted by subject matter experts. Interestingly, the sessions cover not just athletes, but also their ‘first circle of support’ – coaches and parents. GoSports Foundation views the programme as a way to create ‘Smarter Athletes for Tomorrow’.

Ahead of the first workshop for parents, Programme Mentor – former Olympian and nine-time Badminton National Champion – Aparna Popat shares her suggestions on the various complex considerations parents of athlete are routinely faced with, and how to tackle these.

Parenting a sporting child

Between the cheers and tears there is a lot of work that goes into parenting a sporting child. Apart from the numerous daily struggles to arrange the logistics for a child's sports routine and requirements, there are a few other points that I would like to elaborate on.

When your child tumbles and turns and twists, sprints and swims, leaps and lunges on a sports field, the intensity of emotions a parent feels is indescribable. It’s a heady concoction of runner’s high + expectation + protectiveness + ambition + hope that is hard to contain. And that is precisely why a lot of parents act out of character and some even turn into demi-monsters during competitions.

In sports, to succeed at making your child succeed (success is relative of course), in my opinion, parents need to look at these three 'knows':

Knowing your role

The role parents play is vital, diverse and, hard. In order to excel, an athlete has two basic sets of requirements - first is good coaching and training, and second is good food and adequate rest. Parents play a critical role in ensuring both these things.Parents are the providers and caregivers - they need to help identify the right sport for their child, identify a good coach, manage the costs for coaching / equipment / tournaments, make a routine toand fro for practice, organize a special diet etc.

In today's day and age of easy access to information, it is very easy to overlap roles. A lot of parents have their own take on training and game technique, on sports psychology and diet. This results in players getting bombarded with conflicting pieces information from their coach, trainer, parents,psychologist, dietician, the internet, etc.

This not only affects the clarity and performance of the child but sometimes leads to embarrassment for the child and in some cases strains the parent-child and parent-coach relationship. Therefore it is advisable to keep it simple - know your role as a parent along with its responsibilities and then strictly adhere to that. It is very demanding as it is.

Being a role model

The most challenging role for parents is being role-models for their children. Children watch their parents closely and learn from them. Hence the cardinal rule for parenting goes: 'children do as you do, not as you say'. Therefore, parents need to be as committed and disciplined to their child's sports as they want their child to be (being regular and on time for practice for starters).

Children watch how their parents react to wins and losses, the importance they attach to results and how much they appreciate excellence. Children listen to their parents’ conversations and absorb what is being said as well as what is being implied. I have come across so many parents who openly discuss their child's weaknesses or the politics prevalent in the game. This is not such a good idea as it can create a negative environment for the child.

Ethics are of the essence. Children are watching what routes are encouraged in the attempt to achieve success, and the boundaries for what is acceptable/permissible behaviour in the pursuit of success. . Hence, it is important that parents encourage honesty, integrity, commitment to hard work and ethical behaviour.

Knowing your goal

A lot of parents mistake sports to be only a zero sum game - one wins while the other loses. Sport, thankfully is much deeper than that. Sport has the capacity to explore the different characteristics of a child. Some children are born to be champions and some to be great team players. Some love to compete against others, while some are content in competing with themselves.

Also, there are players who are physically strong versus those who are mentally strong; the talented ones and those who are supremely persevering. Some play for health and some for...wealth.

Keeping these things in mind, a parent can help set a reasonable goal for their children. What do you want your child to gain from the sport? An ideal scenario is when the child, coach, and parent are on the same page while answering this question. Nevertheless, as a parent, you can see the larger

picture - you know the limitations and motivations. Therefore, it is very important that you are honest and set a realistic goal.

Unrealistic goals put undue pressure on the child. They also cause friction in relationships and disappointment. But what pains me the most is to see that this frustration is taken out on the children and they are blamed for not living up to the parents' expectations. In such a scenario it’s common to see some children begin to hate the sport.

A goal helps chart out the roadmap for the journey. Therefore, this is only logical that utmost care and thought needs to be taken while identifying it.

Knowing your child / soul

A child is the soul of its parents. And, in knowing this soul lies the key to being a good sporting parent.

While competition is the general idea of sports, different children approach and react to it differently. This needs to be acknowledged and respected. Children need to be given the space and encouragement to be the best they can be. They need help to deal with the many pressures of sport and cultivate habits such as persistence, team work, and enjoy learning, irrespective of the outcome.

There can be no greater affirmation for a child than that of his parents. Parents can be critics but should also be their greatest fans. There is no substitute for believing in your child.

Put simply, the sports success triangle consists of 3 things - the child, the coach, and the parents.Synergy in these relationships is crucial and can be created only through effective and honest communication and feedback between these 3 parties.

To conclude, here's a quote:

Your child's success or lack of success in sports does not indicate what kind of a parent you are. But having an athlete that is coachable, respectful, a great teammate, mentally tough, resilient and who tries his/her best is a direct reflection of your parenting.