IndiaTV Cricket: Pakistan Wins Cup By Blowing And Sucking Balls

A hearty good morning to all our viewers! For all who don’t speak Hindi, I’m going to provide the English commentary on our news special today. I’ve been briefed on the upcoming program and contrary to popular belief, I’m not doing this shit extempore. I know what’s coming and I have my script prepared.

Before we start, I’m required to read this disclaimer:“We at IndiaTV strive to be factual, informative, politically correct,

…racially sensitive,

Can’t you guys wait a minute? I’m not through with our disclaimer.

Crap.

And avoid offending….

avoid offending the sensibilities of any community. But if we do, we hereby disclaim all responsibility for what we’re about to show. It wasn’t us. Somebody is photoshopping this stuff. Point that finger at someone else.”

Ok. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, lets begin our special programme on…programme on…

The cartoon cricket of Pakistan.

This comedy will defeat Pakistan. Or will it? These are the deep questions we seek the answer to on IndiaTV for your benefit.

…….

They seem quite jolly for someone about to be defeated. That begs the question, will they be defeated? Or won’t they?

There’s a chance that they could be fatigued with all that dancing. It could lead to achy joints.

Or aching hearts.

But all this could make sense. It has to. We’d never show senseless stuff here on IndiaTV.

Ok now, for some reason, the regular practice sessions of Pakistani cricketers weren’t really working out too well.

Practice? We talking bout practice?

Look, here’s a important dignitary. Say hello to the Head of Pakistani cricket. He’s looked up to and highly respected by the Pakistani team.

Well, most of the time anyway.

You can tell that he’s the head as he’s head and shoulders above everyone else and you can’t see his head on the first two pics. He’s on the head of the players, making him their head.

Also he has a difficult time keeping his player’s heads straight.

Quit morphing your heads you two! He’s too old for this shit.

And now. Flying trophy!Yes. A real trophy. Flying.

Even I’m too old for this shit.

Now there’s the World Cup trophy flying around. Let me ask you a question: When it comes to a choice between winning and shouldering their responsibilities, what do Pakistani cricketers do?

Drop the load of course

Admit it. You scoffed at their dancing didn’t you? How do you think one serenades a flying trophy into falling into their lap?

By courting it with dance moves of course.

It worked! The trophy descends. Somebody catch it.

That had to hurt

It has bounced away off the head of…the Head. And right into the hands of…

That takes care of them.

But wait! What’s this? An avalanche of adversaries arrive.

Suck on, boys. Suck on.

Bhag le!

Now that they have eliminated the competition by…blowing and sucking balls…eugh.

Here’s where they put all those hours of practice to good use.

Hours and hours of dancing in a club full of men with no girls, training to blow and…anyway.

Here’s where all that dance practice is put to use.

Practice is very important kids. Just look at the Head who’s out of practice. He collapsed in a heap after a minute of dancing.

Now he needs to be revived.

Have heart! Look at how enthusiastic the Pakistani team is to revive him.

Oh good. He’s fine.

Now after a few minutes of dancing, the trophy will honour you by landing in your midst. At this point, you ought to ply the trophy with coos and gentle caressing dance moves. Don’t rush it.

Of course oldies have a harder time controlling themselves.

This can’t end well. The trophy hasn’t let its guard down yet.

Bijli lagayle jigar me piya! Jigar ma badi aag hai.

The trophy may be out of reach of the Pakistanis. But to assuage their pride/stop all that blowing, sucking, and Backstreet Boys songs, the trophy has rewarded them with a smaller phallic shaped object.

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With that we come to the end of our programme on how Pakistan blows and sucks their competition away. Check back next week to find out the story behind:

I gotta get a real job someday.

Peace out.

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Here are our previous episodes for your enlightenment and enjoyment:

https://www.sportskeeda.com/Sports/stupid-indiatv/