Pankaj Singh asks a lot of questions with little reward

An appeal that vehement meant that world peace was at stake.

If you were an avid television watcher in the early 2000s, you have noticed a certain set of ads that featured on Channel V. These series of advertisements had a certain Simpoo Singh Sodhi, an affable mathematics teacher who also had a thing for music and grooming pop-stars.

Ask the Pankazz

Lovely and idiosyncratic, Simpoo Sir also had a rustic and a very Chandigarh based accent (which in itself is a source of entertainment for the young children). Hence, yes became yuzz, joke became zoke and Pankaj became Pankazz. Now, this Pankazz is a pretty hard-working and dedicated chap and perhaps has the distinction of being Simpoo Sir’s favourite student. Pankazz acts like an intermediate link between Simpoo Sir and the class, and hence is mocked around, albeit jokingly, by his classmates. Also, he aspires to be a pop-star. He wants to sing well and make a name for himself. But what does Simpoo Sir’s protégé know about the things that await him in the real world?

Come to the 2010s, we see Pankaj Singh in the same situation as our dear Pankazz. He is a dedicated fast bowler, played in the Under-19 side for India and was a quick bowler. Then he turned up at the MRF pace academy to hone the skills and came out as a good-but-medium-paced swing bowler. Then he played one long-forgotten ODI somewhere in Zimbabwe, and was with the touring party to Australia. But then what did Pankaj Singh know about the real world?

Since the Australia tour, India have tried so many fast bowling options. They have even asked to convert a few spin bowlers to change their bowling speeds so as to fill in that role. But ask Pankazz? Naah.

A long-awaited comeback

But somehow, by sheer determination and God’s grace, Pankaj managed to break into the playing XI for the Southampton Test. But soon, that grace was going to leave his company. Pankaj, by nature, is a bowler who works his fields with captain and then plans accordingly. He comes around the wicket and swings the ball away from Cook. That in itself is a phenomenal skill, and with his consistency Pankaj almost persuades Cook to edge one.

As the projectile moves towards Jadeja, the face of the Rajasthan bowler shows elation thinking that misery has finally ended. But then Jadeja has some match-altering plans of his own. He shells the catch. Pankaj does a half shrug, and goes back cursing his bad deeds in the past. Later on, he goes wide in the crease, pitches one on the leg stump and outswings it to hit Bell plumb in front. He appeals. He appeals as if the Israel-Palestine peace depends on the outcome.

He knows that he has Bell. His face is lit up. But then Rod Tucker deems it not out. The spectators can only sympathize. They know that this guy deserves a wicket thoroughly. But they cannot do anything. The moment is so infinitesimally small that they even forget to applaud its magnificence.

Move on Pankaj, get one more intense over in, they say. And he does so. With the same intensity, he bowls 6 more. This time the batsman knows better. He covers the line and renders respect. The captain feels for him.

Luck continues to fail Pankaj

Next time the second new ball is taken, it is put in the hands of the 29-year-old. The captain is egging him to go on. And he bowls out his heart again with no avail. Along with Dhoni, Pankaj hatches a plan to get Balance to play a ball to the leg-slip. He put a ball on the leg stump and swung it back to the off stump. Balance fell for it and nicked it. Had it been Shami, it would have carried to the leg slip safely. But Pankaj being Pankaj, the temporary elation vanished and turned into frustration and anger and finally acceptance. All in the blink of an eye.

But then as luck had deserted him, even discipline started following the trend. Pankaj Singh got mauled by every English batsman when he erred. Most of the damage was inflicted by Buttler. That 20-odd run over catapulted him over Bryce McGain in the worst debut statistics ever. A rare phenomenon in itself, this statistic was accompanied by another rare occurrence. No one criticized him, not even the English media. Usually there are snide remarks, chuckles in reserve for 0 for 179. But not this time. Something had snapped. They supported Pankaj. They wanted this lovable chap to get one. They thought that he deserved one, at least one. But he had to settle with none.

And in Simpoo Sir’s class, suddenly as Sir was checking the homework, Neeraj, a mischievous kid, decides to impress the girls by making fun of Simpu’s accent. So, he irritates Sir by asking him doubts on tough Maths problems. Simpu, being simplistic as ever, delegates the job to Pankaj by saying “Arre bhai abhi nahi, ask the Pankazz” As Neeraj pressed further, and the girls snigger even louder, Simpu understands that the decorum in the classroom has gone for a toss. Then he just blurts out,”Boyz, bhai zoke kya hai? What’s the zoke? ” Neeraj then cheekily interjects “Sir, ask the Pankazz!”

Today, even Neeraj wouldn’t have had the courage to mock the Pankazz. It just wasn’t the debut Pankaj Singh had dreamed of while toiling in those 78 FC matches.