Satire: Delhi Police honour Dravid, Dhoni with Bravery Award

Quick question: Which one of these three cricketers will NOT be getting a bravery award anytime soon?

In a special ceremony in Delhi, the Delhi Police honoured Indian cricketers MS Dhoni and Rahul Dravid with Bravery Awards. The award has been given to the two for efficiently handling S Sreesanth under their captaincies of the two sides Sreesanth has been a core part of – Team India and Rajasthan Royal. The Delhi Police recently arrested Sreesanth on charges of spot-fixing and his alleged involvement with bookies. According to Delhi police, Sreesanth, who has been in police custody for 8 days, has become a real nuisance for the police constables and officers, and therefore it made the Delhi Police realize the kind of valour and courage Dhoni and Dravid displayed for so many years by captaining Sreesanth, and decided to honour the two.

A senior Delhi Police officer said, “You see, we face many notorious criminals who possess unusual personality disorders but no one’s been like Sreesanth. Some times, he [Sreesanth] starts crying like a baby and and at other times, sings Malayalam songs and dances on them. Some constables have told me that he talks to himself in third person, referring to himself as ‘Sri Sri Sreesanth’.

Because of him, other jail inmates have started asking us the procedure to change their cell away from that of Sreesanth’s. Even the crime rate in Delhi has reduced manifold in the last few days as the local thugs don’t want to get caught and enter the cell where Sreesanth is staying,” the officer said.

The officer further said that Dravid and Dhoni were epitomes of bravery as they had managed to handle Sreesanth for so many years. He said, “If Mahatma Gandhi’s fight against the Britishers or Nelson Mandela’s struggles against apartheid were brave, then Dhoni and Dravid have been even braver. Atleast Gandhi and Mandela had a largely predictable set of enemies. Dravid and Dhoni didn’t have this luxury Sreesanth’s seems to be from a different planet altogether, or maybe a different galaxy, so the mindset needed to handle him is totally different. And that’s why Dhoni and Dravid stand out. Our police forces need to learn a lot from the two.”

When Dravid was asked how he handled an eccentric character like Sreesanth during team meetings, Dravid said,”It was difficult initially, but years of patience helped. Whenever I talked to Sree, I imagined as if I was batting in a Test match on a seaming Headingly wicket with a military medium bowler like Ronnie Irani bowling half decent over-pitched out-swingers to me. You so want to hit them, but have to resist the urge for the team’s cause. Sree’s a lot like those tempting juicy half-volleys,” Dravid told the media in his usual calm demeanour.

When Indian captain MS Dhoni was asked how he managed to keep the fast bowler under control, Dhoni replied with a smirk, “Simple! I left it to Harbhajan.”

Meanwhile, reactions on Sreesanth have been mixed and have been coming from all corners. On one hand, captains who played against Sreesanth believe they should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for not hitting Sreesanth even after dealing with his irritating antics on the field; while on the other hand, Delhi chief minister Sheila Dixit thinks Sreesanth is a crusader whose presence in the Delhi prison can help curb crime in the capital city, as the Government itself seems completely incapable of doing so.