Satire: ICC reprimand India for 5-0 whitewash

The ICC called for a press conference in its headquarters soon after the young Indian side whitewashed hosts Zimbabwe 5-0 in the ODI series and expressed total disappointment in the way the world champions treated the minnows. “The team is getting highly influenced by its board and it is trying to bully everyone, which is unacceptable,” an ICC spokesperson said. “One sided tours like this will result in the death of cricket betting and lead to recession,” he added.

Celkon Mobiles, sponsors of the ODI series, also declared bankruptcy moments after the presentation ceremony. They also have a long overdue of payment to be done to Virat Kohli and despite getting so many missed calls from the Indian captain on tour, they didn’t bother to respond. “@!#%#@%^ !$!@#$$% ! !@$@#%@ !@$!#%#$ !@@#%@ B#$@#@%D M#%$%!!@D,” said an angry Virat Kohli.

The ICC also decided to include the concept of fair-play awards to avoid such humiliating treatment to the minnows henceforth. Speaking to a Pakistani news channel, Shahid Afridi said that the Indian youngsters should learn from Pakistani youngsters like himself, to play stupid shots and give the opposition team a chance to stay in the game. He also said India miss guys like Misbah, who would ensure the game turns out to be interesting even if their team is chasing a score less than 150.

The Zimbabwean cricketers were seen crying like Sreesanth after the game. They used their towels too, but just to wipe their tears. Balaji Telefilms captured the scenes and had a training session with their actors to help them try and emulate the Zimbabwe cricketers when it comes to crying abilities.

Virat Kohli was also fined 40% of his next year’s IPL fee for letting his team finishing the game well before the stipulated time that resulted in tremendous losses for the ICC. MS Dhoni had a witty tweet for this too. “Huh! Does this mean the ICC is ready to apologise to me for all those slow over rate fines?”

Amit Mishra, a minnow within the Indian team, surprised everyone with a spectacular performances during the series and was offered Zimbabwean citizenship by their President. When the media asked Kapil Dev for his reactions on the boring ODI series, he said, “I used to switch on the television only during the breaks to get a glimpse of Mayanti Langer at the studios. Star Cricket should learn from Ten Sports or Set Max and get female anchors instead of the annoying Navjot Sidhu and boring Harsha Bhogle.”

N Srinivasan and Jagmohan Dalmiya called for press conferences and the press lost their way trying to figure out where to go. They ended up going to Sharad Pawar’s house. “We are ready to play Sri Lanka next week if the ICC is ready to put us back at the top of the ICC rankings,” he said. “We’ll also have a ’1 compulsory Zimbabwe player’ rule for teams in the next IPL,” he added.

DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fiction written for humorous purposes and should be taken in jest.