Indian Olympics Association sends swimming squad to Delhi airport for training

Delhi airport before the deluge turned it into a vast swimming pool

Disclaimer: This is a piece of fiction written for humorous purposes and should be taken in jest.

Following the flooding of Delhi Airport thanks to shoddy infrastructure and lax government attitude incessant rains, the government has tried to make the best of the situation.

The Indian Olympic Association has decided to send its squad of swimmers to the airport to train. “What’s to complain? So many square feet of world-class infrastructure, air-conditioned, easy access to refreshment and washrooms… This is much better than most conditions we’ve ever provided them,” said Indian Olympics Association president Abhay Singh Chautala, speaking with Digvijay Singh-esque logic.

“In fact, with so many people at the airport, these guys can never complain that nobody watches their sport,” he said, with a big grin.

The swimmers themselves are not too sure about the move.

“Well, the Association says its an improvement over the practice pools we’re used to – which was basically a marsh in a jungle. But then, I don’t agree. In the marsh, the worst that we would have had to risk encountering was a bloodthirsty hungry crocodile. Over here we risk bumping into a South Delhi guy who goes, “Jaanta hai mera baap kaun hai?!” – it’s quite a dangerous scene,” said one swimmer.

“It’s not very easy to practice here,” said another one. “For some reason, there was an outrage when I told my team to do the breaststroke and now a gang of feminists has banned me from ever entering the Delhi Airport.”

Passengers inconvenienced by the rain wading into the airport were not particularly amused. “This is ridiculous,” pointed out one elderly gent who looked like he had a disdain for anything born or invented after 1970. “I have to see disgusting sights like that – see? That swimmer wearing ridiculous headgear, stupid-looking glasses and no upper body clothing…”

At this point, our reporter corrected him saying: “Sir, that’s not a swimmer – that’s Siddharth Mallya”.

As with all hare-brained schemes, this has sparked off other ideas within the Association. Said a secretary, “From now on, we’ll look at such natural / man-made disasters to get our players from various sports to practice.”

So, wrestlers will now be made to scour the countryland to rescue trucks that have fallen into wayside potholes.

Runners will be dropped off in the middle of an underworld don’s fiefdom.

Hurdlers will be asked to run on any typical Indian road.

And finally, all athletes will be made to travel by the 8AM Virar Fast to Churchgate five times a day to build endurance.