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Satire: "Spot Fixed"(In theatres soon)

VarunR
ANALYST
Modified 23 Mar 2014, 08:33 IST
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Sree 3

Suresh Kalmadi, S Sreesanth, and Renjith Maheshwary meet for coffee at the Indian Coffee House in Bangalore.

Suresh: Hey man, I came across a copy of your infamous diary on eBay, and I have to say, it was truly uplifting.

Sreesanth: Really?! (Observes a minute of prayer and resumes). You know what Suresh; somebody has finally recognized my writing abilities, and, to hear it from such an honest man like you, just makes my day even better.

Both of them now turn to look at Renjith, who seems to be talking to a replica of the Arjuna Award.

Suresh: Hey what do you have there, Renjith?

Renjith: (He seemed to have awoken from his reverie on hearing Suresh’s words) Look at this! (Holding up his Arjuna Award)

Sreesanth: I thought the ministry made it quite clear they were not going to give it you? What happened?

Renjith: Turns out, my friends at Chor Bazaar in Mumbai are running quite the business enterprise. I got this delivered to my doorstep, and the best part is that, I did not have to pay for shipping.

Sreesanth: (Gets up and does a jig in a fit of joy) Maybe, you could get my Team India jersey too. I would need that when I apply for the post of the dance teacher for the Indian Team.

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Suresh: I guess I will tag along Sree, seems like even Congress does not want me anymore. I could not be bad as a member of Board of Swag Control in India (BSCI).

(Turns to Renjith and whispers)

Hope he does not know that I was the only Sports minister to have partied in the Tihar Jail for 10 straight months.

(Both Chuckle)

Sreesanth: What are you two girls so happy for? (Now turns to Suresh) I heard you decided to contest in the Lok Sabha elections?

Renjith: (Claps Slowly) Again! Give it a rest man, you are old. Suresh, I think you better think of some other program to engage yourself with, like gardening. At least, that would buy you ticket to being associated with the Indian Olympics office in Delhi, once again.

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Suresh: Hey look who’s talking?! Aren’t you the guy who is so delusional that he confuses even the plastic water-jug on his dining table to be an Arjuna Award?!

Sreesanth: Oh Boy! I thought I was the better actor, but I sure have to acknowledge both of your acting abilities. <Sigh> If only I had met you guys a bit earlier, we could just have started our own film production company.

Renjith and Suresh (turning to each other): All right! All right! All right!

Renjith: Maybe we could call it Arjuna Productions.

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Suresh: He’s losing it, man. I thought I was the one with Dementia, but his OCD turns out to be much worse.  Anyway, I thought it could have worked well, and we could make something out of our great life stories. I bet after watching movies based on our lives, even Lagaan would seem quite mediocre.

Sreesanth: I bet! You know what, I think I need to work on my journal writing, I seem to have lost my touch, after all the marriage business. Oh, and how about, “Oh God! Please save us” or “Spot Fixed” as the name of a movie on our lives. You know what guys, ultimately when you dissect the truth, we are after all innocent, and our crimes were just as trivial as Crying on live TV, Spot Fixing, Doping and Corruption.

Renjith and Suresh (In Chorus): Wah! We wish your delivery of cricket balls on the the field was as good as your delivery of emotional dialogues.

Note: This is a piece of satire and should not be construed as real.

Published 22 Mar 2014, 23:07 IST
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