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No Thanks, Plax

What do you know, the NFL lockout is mercifully coming to it’s conclusion just before the greedy owners and ass-hat players will start losing money. Who didn’t see this ending that way? I can’t lie, I’m glad football is coming back, but I still have animosity towards both sides for even taking a lockout that [...]

16 Jul 2011, 11:13 IST

Jay Cutler needs a big legitimate threat at the wide receiver position. However, “Mr. Shoot Himself In The Leg” isn’t the right guy.

What do you know, the NFL lockout is mercifully coming to it’s conclusion just before the greedy owners and ass-hat players will start losing money. Who didn’t see this ending that way? I can’t lie, I’m glad football is coming back, but I still have animosity towards both sides for even taking a lockout that didn’t need to happen this far. So, as I get back into football mode, my attention is focused on a glaring need for the Bears. Can this finally be the off-season where the Bears land a difference maker for Jay Cutler? I hope so, but I hope they stay away from a certain clown.

Plaxico Burress is out of jail and whoring himself out for all 32 NFL teams to bid on. The 33 year old is out of the joint and mentioned the Bears as one of his three preferred destinations. Let me use this space to tell Plax thanks, but never in a million years. It’s a time like these that I wish I was an NFL general manager.

I would kill for Drew Rosenhaus to call me and sell me on a washed up receiver who’s skills eroded him when he was serving his time. I would listen to him as I listened to some “A Tribe Called Quest” and pretend I gave a shit. When that slimy rat was done singing the praises of a guy who will never regain his ’07 form, I would tell him, sorry Drew, but we’re looking for a real receiver who doesn’t bring guns to clubs.

So no, I don’t want the Bears to go anywhere near Plaxico Burress. He can talk highly of the Bears all he wants, but they’re good on that front. Thankfully, the Bears don’t want anything to do with him either. Let him go to Philly, eat cheese steaks, receive a hero’s welcome from those ass-hat fans, and share jail stores with Mike Vick. The Bears, and specifically Jay Cutler, don’t need that headache. I don’t want to have to depend on a guy who has played as much football as you have in the past two years, and has a bum hamstring. I’m good with that idea.

Sidney Rice would be a perfect target for Jay Cutler to throw to. I think I might lose consciousness for a few minutes if the Bears actually signed a high caliber 6’4 receiver.

What the Bears need is a reliable receiver who isn’t 5’9. They need a guy who, unlike Johnny Knox, can go up and rip the ball from a cornerback on a fly pattern down the sideline. You might remember in the NFC Championship when Culer threw a ball up for Knox down the left sideline and Knox couldn’t even prevent an interception. That was just awesome, wasn’t it?

I’m done with the whole kick returners as wide receivers garbage. I want a guy that on a crucial 3rd and 7 can be relied on to run a slant and pick up a first down. My brain rattles when I see Devin Hester stop running on a crossing pattern (same goes for Knox).

When I hear that Mike Martz likes Santana Moss, it makes me want to drive to Halas Hall and knock him out. “Oh heavens yes” would I give a kidney to make that happen. That’s just what they need, another small receiver that the Packers corners can lock down in press coverage. Moss had a career year last year (93 catches, 1,115 yards, & 6 TD’s), but unless he grew to 6’5 during the lockout, I don’t want him.

Free agents to be Vincent Jackson, Sidney Rice, & Santonio Holmes would finally give the Bears a guy that teams have to game plan for. The Bears are too easily defended because other than Matt Forte, who scares anyone?

Isn’t it time to have a threat on the outside that makes defenses second guess blitzing a corner or safety? I’m beyond disgusted with the Bears crop of receivers (Earl Bennett is a solid slot guy, but still) and will gladly take any of the three I mentioned.

Rice had a breakout year in ’09 when Brett Perve’s arm was still attached. His play dipped last year because of hip surgery and Perve’s miserable play. Jackson held out until Halloween last year, but the 28 year old still showed his big play ability by averaging nearly 18 yards per catch despite playing in only 5 games. Don’t you think he would have at least broken up that aforementioned interception in the championship game? He might have come down with it and changed that game.

Holmes is a guy I was hoping would fall to the Bears in the ’06 draft. He is another free agent, and is the kind of sure handed “not afraid to go over the middle” guy the Bears desperately need.  He possess the rare ability to make plays down the field and make the tough over middle catches in traffic that Johnny Knox is petrified to even attempt.

After the Todd Collins debacle, Martz should have as much say in personnel as I do. If I were Lovie, I would get the receiver I want and tell Martz to eat shit and deal with it. Holmes is a big game player, and someone who would let Cutler rest easy at night. Do you think Jay has any confidence in any receiver on the team not named Earl Bennett? I know he and Greg Olsen are tight, but Olsen is soft as puppy shit and is still prone to key drops.

Don’t think I am being shortsighted and ignoring the Bears needs at cornerback, safety, & the offensive line (tackle for sure and possibly center if a team blows away Olin Kreutz with an offer once free agency starts). Knowing Jerry Angelo, the Bears will address the line, and whoever they pick up, Mike Tice will coach him up and he’ll be a solid contributor (much like the Bear Jew Gabe Carimi will be).

I am all about the receiver position because Angelo is allergic to receivers who crack the 6? plus barrier. That has to change and change now. This Bears team is in their SuperBowl window, and need to act like it. No, Plaxico Burress isn’t the guy (thank you for your interest, however), but Jackson, Rice, or Holmes would add a dimension that a Bears offense hasn’t had since the Curtis Conway-Jeff Graham combo in ’95. They all will command a hefty contract, but with the new salary cap apparently to be set at $120 million, the Bears will have plenty of money available (they currently sit at around $86 million). How much say does Martz have in offensive personnel? We’ll find out once the free agent period starts. If they end up with one of the three I mentioned, you will know that they tuned out a guy who still thinks he is coaching in 1999.

Here are some highlights of my first choice to be the Bears new go-to receiver…

Follow me on Twitter @Louie_Ruffolo8

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