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Abandonment issues refer to the anxiety an individual faces when regular and cordial interaction or attention isn't provided to them, or when the idea of losing someone that they care about looms large. Abandonment issues are not recognized as a medical or mental health disorder on their own, but rather a form of anxiety.
Abandonment causes people to experience overwhelming feelings of anxiety, which makes it difficult for them to establish and maintain healthy relationships. According to a study published in Clinical Psychological Review, abandonment issues cause people to have poor interpersonal relationships and cause them to experience mental anguish.
Anger and 4 other signs of Abandonment Issues
Abandonment issues do not manifest for individuals the same way since the signs and symptoms of these issues vary from person to person. Each individual expresses their anxiety related to abandonment in different ways, but there are a few common signs.
1) Insecurities
Insecurity is often the root cause of fear of abandonment, and people who experience feelings related to insecurity often feel that they are not worthy of a healthy relationship. These individuals lack confidence, and in order to cope with their lack of confidence, they seek external validation. The fear of abandonment causes individuals to find it difficult to trust their own judgment and other people. According to a study, insecurities can cause individuals with abandonment issues to perform acts for others in order to be accepted.
2) Overthinking
Fear of abandonment causes people to constantly worry about being rejected and how to prevent rejection even before it happens. They focus on every little detail of their relationships and overanalyze their interactions with others. They constantly worry that they may be left by the people in their lives and go to extreme lengths in order to avoid abandonment. This endless loop of overthinking heightens the fear of abandonment.
3) Anger
Abandonment can be caused by a variety of factors, like rejection, loss of a loved one, and the inability to prevent someone from harming themselves. Individuals who have been abandoned or fear being abandoned often process their difficult emotions through anger. Anger is a way for these people to exert control over their lives; it can be directed at themselves, at others, or channeled into behavioral and physical manifestations.
4) Trust and commitment issues
Trust and commitment issues are two of the most common issues that arise from the fear of abandonment. Abandonment causes individuals to have trust issues with the people in their lives, which results in unhealthy emotional bonds that limit their ability to trust and be trusted.
It also causes individuals to be unable to commit to an emotionally engaged relationship or a long-term relationship. This results in individuals repeatedly engaging with people around them without creating emotional bonds or setting expectations.
5) Quick attachments
Somewhat counterintuitively, abandonment issues cause individuals to get attached to other people too quickly. These individuals often feel emotionally dependent on the attention of others without even knowing the other person too well. Since these individuals feel that they will inevitably be abandoned, they rush to create deep engagements. These individuals get attached quickly to people they have just met or to those who are emotionally unavailable.
How to overcome these abandonment issues?
According to a study, issues with abandonment are often deeply rooted in a person's psyche, and the way to overcome these issues is through thoughts, fears, and emotions. There are different approaches to dealing with these issues.
1) Therapy
Therapy is a great way for individuals to overcome their abandonment issues, as therapy can help individuals identify their attachment styles, develop emotion regulation mechanisms, learn how to handle anxiety, heal from past trauma, and learn how to form secure attachments. Therapy can help individuals deal with their mood disorders as well.
Research has shown that the therapeutic relationship itself is helpful in handling abandonment anxiety and how to cope with it. Therapeutic techniques like psychodynamic therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, and emotionally focused therapy have been shown to be helpful.
2) Self care and self love
Since abandonment issues often stem from insecurities, practicing self-care techniques and being compassionate to themselves can be helpful. Engaging in self-care activities like reading books, exercising regularly, regular sleep, balanced meals, journaling, and practicing gratitude are great ways to combat negative self-talk and overcome feelings of anxiety caused by fear of abandonment.
3) Support groups
Our mental health is heavily dependent on the interactions and relationships that we maintain with the people around us. Joining a social group is a great way for a person to overcome their abandonment issues as it facilitates communication and community feeling, which are important parts of healing from trauma.
The first step towards overcoming issues with abandonment is by identifying whether you are suffering from it. Fortunately, there are several common signs of these issues. Once identified, these issues can be dealt with in a variety of different approaches.
Steve George Verghese is a trained psychologist with an MSc in Counseling Psychology from the Indian Institute of Psychology and Research.
