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Emotional repression is a defence mechanism. These are unconscious coping mechanisms that protect our ego from difficult or overwhelming feelings. Ego in this situation is not attitude or arrogance, rather a component of our personality. In their understanding of personality, theorists came up with three components of who we are today--the id, ego, and, superego.
Id is like a demanding child, often inconsiderate of the society's norms. Superego is like the policeman in your head, constantly being critical of you and holds very high moral standards. Finally, there is ego, that helps to balance the demands of these two. Emotional repression is a tool used by your ego to balance the emotional demands.
Symptoms of Repressed Emotions
Defence mechanisms are used temporarily to protect us from potential hurt, but they don't necessarily mean they will enhance your well-being in the long run. Here are some symptoms that can help you identify if you have been repressing emotions:
1) Physical manifestations
Our body always keeps the score. Since our physical health and mental health are intricately connected, what we don't address mentally may come up physically.
Patients often come to general practitioners for unexplainable pains and aches. A lot of doctors don't find a real physical cause since certain illnesses stem from the psyche. This may also result in the development of somatoform disorders and impact your every day life.
2) Emotional numbness
Emotions are not meant to be repressed but expressed. We often develop an intolerance towards certain emotions, such as anger, hurt, disappointment. Due to this intolerance, we become resistant to facing our emotions and develop emotional numbness. Even though it feels uncomfortable, it is essential for you to feel every emotion even though it is perceived "negatively."
3) Constant discomfort
Emotional repression has also been connected to mental health concerns. These repressed feelings may not just be from the recent past but can be memories, thoughts, and, emotions from your childhood.
These often contribute to a constant feeling of worry and tension. This, in all scenarios, is a draining experience. Longer conversations can tire you, multi-tasking can be challenging and identifying your own emotions can become a complex task.
4) Destructive patterns
Emotional repression does not just affect you, but others around you as well. Your emotional resource bank has a limited capacity. However, putting excessive pressure on it can break this bank, leaving you overwhelmed. This can make it increasingly difficult fo you and others around you to regulate your emotions.
Emotional repression can interfere with fostering empathy and connection. Minor triggers can lead to emotional outbursts. If typically you would be angry, due to emotional repression, you may become aggressive.
5) Avoidance
Naturally, engaging in avoidant behaviors becomes your primary motive. It can be typically challenging to face difficult emotions. However, running away from them can strengthen our belief that we can't handle the situation.
Managing Emotional Repression
At some point in our lives, we may have engaged in emotional repression. We may also repress trauma, which can significantly impact our mental health. However, you can only learn to manage it, when you become aware of your patterns. Once you become aware, you can start working on bringing your emotions up in a non-judgemental manner.
Give yourself permission to experience all emotions. It can be uncomfortable at first, but you can learn to do it slowly and steadily. If it helps, write everything down in the journal. When your brain sees that you are beginning to recognize your emotions, you start experiencing an emotional transformation.
There are also certain thought patterns that may keep you in the cycle of emotional repression. Do you believe that keeping emotions away will make you happier? Or do you think that you will not be able to deal with the flood of emotions? If yes, your thoughts are not allowing you to see potential solutions to the problem. Thinking of alternative thoughts and bringing them in practice can be helpful.
Knowing and becoming aware of your repressed feelings is not a one-day process. It can also be difficult to open up to your friends and family. In this case, it is best to seek a therapeutic space that can allow you to come closer to your real emotions.
Through this process, remain compassionate with your inner self. When was the last time you acknowledged your efforts towards making yourself better? It might be the right time for you to move away from emotional repression and towards emotional expression.
Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a master's degree in applied psychology, with a specialization in clinical psychology.
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