Signs of narcissistic moms that are a red flag for mental health

Recognizing that you have been living with a narcissistic mom is not easy. It often crushes us to realize that the person who's our first primary caregiver is one with extreme manipulative tendencies.

Just becoming aware of these facts becomes a trigger for many, especially those who continue to live with their patterns. A narcissist has an extreme inflated sense of self and often lives by discouraging and belittling others.

Unfortunately, there isn't a quick fix for narcissism, and a lot of individuals have minimal insight into their behavioral patterns. However, you can create a low-contact relationship with your parents.

That will challenge you to establish boundaries, set realistic expectations and maintain emotional distance from your mother. Slowly and steadily, you can move towards gaining emotional freedom from the behavior of narcissists.

---

Signs of narcissistic moms that impact your mental health

It can be tough to read the signs. (Image via Vecteezy/Volodymyr Herasymchuk)

You need a survival guide to live with a narcissist parent. Recognizing that a parent is narcissistic can be life-changing.

It can help you become aware that you were not wrong as a child and that it was not your mistake. A lot of us can carry guilt, shame, anger and other negative emotions even into adulthood.

That can also influence how we are with our children. By identifying signs of narcissistic moms, you allow yourself to break free from the intergenerational trauma.

#1 Gaslighting language

"You are a burden," "After everything I have done for you, is this what I get in return?" "You are so ungrateful," or "You are so dependent." How many of these have you heard of?

Would you have known that they were gaslighting phrases? These phrases can often be reeled out as a last resort when a narcissistic moms' behavior is called out. The words are meant to hurt you and make you question your own decisions.

---

#2 Controlling behavior

Narcissistic mothers achieve control by gaslighting you. (Image via Vecteezy/Marian Vejcik)

Perhaps the most characteristic narcissistic behavior traits is control. As much as they justify it, individuals with these traits can't stop exerting control.

Narcissistic moms want things to be done their way and by hook or crook, they will make you do it. Mostly, it entails emotional blackmailing or name-calling if you try to oppose their decision.

---

#3 Invalidation and lack of support

As you may have guessed, narcissistic moms are less likely to lend support to you when you really need it.

One of the common signs of narcissistic behavior is that they may belittle you and call you too 'weak' to manage your concerns. They may not be there with you when you need them the most.

However, this pattern can change when you stop giving in to their demands. When they feel like you are going to leave, they may suddenly love-bomb you.

---

#4 Disrespect for your boundaries

They might look into your information and stomp over your boundaries. (Image via Vecteezy/darkstars 1120)

Individuals with a narcissistic personality pay no attention to their children's boundaries. They may storm into your room when you are on an important call; they may look into your personal stuff; they may call your friends behind your back and may body-shame you at every opportunity they get.

Thus, they are likely to disrespect your physical, time, intellectual, social and emotional boundaries.

---

For a lot of adults who have lived with narcissistic moms, celebrating Mother's Day is not an option.

For them, the day is often filled with angst and anxiety. With therapy and professional help, it can become a day to celebrate by clearing out the past trauma and leaving the emotional baggage behind, though.

There are many other ways in which narcissistic moms may want to control and manipulate you. By working on your health and identity, you can learn to live a life that's your own.

---

Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a Master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.

---

What do you think of this story? Tell us in the comments section below.