Manchester United vs Newcastle United Live Score and Commentary, Premier League 2017-18 (MUN vs NEW)

PEEP! PEEP! PEEEEEEEEEEP!

Manchester United smashed 4 past Newcastle, 2 of them coming in a second half that they completely dominated against a Magpies side that did ever so well to make the match a tight affair in the first 45.

Zlatan's back, Lukaku's scoring again... but most importantly of all, Paul Pogba's back, he's got an assist, a goal, and generally showed everyone just why United plumped all that much money for him last year. They are simply a different side when the flamboyant Frenchman starts.

That's all from me, Anirudh Menon, thank you for reading!

'twas a pleasure!

Toodle-ooo!

93' No he cant. But little does that matter.

91' THREE MINUTES ADDED ON. Can Zlatan provide ze cherry on ze top of ze red, red, cake that Manchester United have been baking today?

90' From the corner, Zlatan zings past Yedlin and smashes a superb ball across the box that is just barely headed away by Newcastle. Herrera swings it back in and Fellaini's close range header is smacked straight into Elliot's midriff.

89' Ibrahimovic picks out Lukaku - who is playing right wing by the by - but the Belgian's cross back is headed out by Clark. Matic then picks out Ibra - who acrobatically smashes one that Elliot has to scramble to clear! WOOF!

88' Fellaini chests the ball. Fellaini wins a freekick. United play it quickly and Rashford attempts to pick out Ibrahimovic at the far post but it's got a bit too much for the Swede

87' Fellaini, of all the people, curls a lovely ball into the box that Clark does ever so well to keep away from a lurking Marcus Rashford.

84' There's more happening off the field, than on it, as Newcastle fans sing "Alan Shearer turned you down" and are greeted with "Alan Shearer took you down" in retort. Ah, football banter. Long may you live and prosper

83' United suddenly hasten things up but Young's ball into an expectant Newcastle box is woefully overhit. Juan Mata, meanwhile, is subbed off for Ander Herrera.

82' I've seen octogenarians walk with more furious purpose than this bunch of Teessiders sitting around looking at United pass the ball around.

81' HE touches it... United are bleeding Newcastle to death here. Death by a thousand passes as it were.

79' Zlatan update. Still hasn't touched the ball. He will soon, though, and I expect it to simply explode spontaneously

78' OOOO! Jonjo Shelvey is given plenty of time and space to take a shot from just outside the box and he curls the ball just wide of a furious De Gea and his far post.

77' Mo Diame is on for Newcastle, in place of Murphy... but it all pales in significance as ZLATAN IBRAHIMOVIC TROTS ON IN THE PLACE OF ANTHONY MARTIAL

76' Hayden Murphy and Gayle combine well deep in Manchester United territory but Jonjo Shelvey's nice little ball into Yedlin is a touch overhit

75' Zlatan Ibrahimovic has stripped down to his playing kit. Does anything else matter at the moment?

74' Newcastle play the ball around the home sides box, but Mitrovic sends a pass straight to Young and the Red Devils race forward... Lukaku and Manquillo get into a tangle, though, and that's a freekick for Newcastle United

72' Newcastle make a substitution and Alexander Mitrovic is brought on for Joselu. United, though, are in the mood and scythe through Newcastle yet again - but this time Martial has run offside.

The Belgian eased past Clark, ran onto a lovely Mata ball, dummies a shot, sits Elliots down and ABSOLUTELY LEATHERS ONE INTO THE ROOF OF THE NET. NOW THAT WAS EMPHATIC.

71' GOOOOOOOOOOAL! ROMELU LUKAKUUUUUU!

70' Fellaini comes on for Paul Pogba who had been excellent for the duration of the seventy minutes.

69' From the Newcastle corner, United counter... and Manquillo has to be alive to stop Rashford from racing on to Martial's through ball.

68' Chris Smalling smashed into Isaac Hayden at the beginning of that Newcastle attack, and the 'veteran' Englishman is a touch lucky to walk away with just a yellow.

67' Aarons is on for Ritchie, but that makes little difference to Pogba as he looks to bully Hayden off the park, but Newcastle break at pace... Jacob Murphy races into space and smashes a decent shot at goal that De Gea saves with typical panache.

66' From awesome to comic in ten seconds, like only Jonjo Shelvey can... he brushed past Matic and raced past Smalling but just as he looked to pull it back he lost his footing and slammed into the advertising boardings behind United's goal.

65' Mata picks out Valencia with a lovely ball... the Ecuadorian plays it off the Spaniard and swings in a lovely ball that Clark fying-headers it away.

63' Pogba swings an experimental left-footed crossfield ball that only finds the top of Yedlin's head. United are killing this game ever so patiently.

62' Pogba and Lukaku combine superbly to allow Mata to float into space in the middle and he picks out Martial on the left - the Frenchman's early cross, though, is cleared by a panicky Newcastle defence

60' Martial curls a lovely looking ball with the outside of his boot and Elliot does ever so well to race off his line and nick it off Rashford's toes.

59' Shelbey pings a gorgeous ball out to Yedlin but the American's ball into the box is bread and butter for Smalling... United counter at pace, Lukaku screams into space, bullying Lejeune away, before curling a lovely ball into the box that juuuust misses Rashford all alone in the box. That was so close to four!

57' United win a corner. Then they win another... OOOH! Mata curls the second one into the box and Pogba attempts a flying scissors volley but completely miscues it!

56' Newcastle now have no option but to go for it, and United ill look to exploit the spaces that are sure to crop up. Like this one. Matic pings in a superb ball to Mata who races into acres of space a curls a ball into the box that Clark does well to head away.

What an absolutely delightful goal this. Lukaku rampaged down the right, cut in onto his left foot and curled in a lovely ball into Rashford. With everyone expecting him to head it at goal, he cushions a lovely ball across the box that Pogba leaps onto and taps into a empty net. Sublime.

54' GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! POGBAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

54' United counter a failed Newcastle attack.....

52' Martial and Lukaku try a quick one-two but the Belgian's return ball is intercepted well by Clark.

51' Martial skins Yedlin down the left and pings in cross that pings off the American right-back and goes out for a throw-in. That the ref inexplicably awards to Newcastle.

50' Shelvey swings in an interesting looking freekick into the box where the ref sees some pushing-shoving and asks United to take a freekick in return.

49' United are a fair bit more confident on the ball right now... Pogba and Lukaku combine brilliantly down the right and squeeze the ball into the six yard box where an off-balance Martial can only thigh it wide of goal.

47' Some slick football from United this! Pogba chips a lovely ball to Rashford... who draws Lejuene and tries to head-pass it to Lukaku, but just can't get enough ooomph on it to get it to Lukaku ahead of Elliot.

46' Newcastle start the half like they did the game and are pinging it around well... just as I finish type that, Yedlin crosses it to Valencia.

PEEP! WE ARE OFF AGAIN!

PEEP! THAT'S THAT! HALFTIME!

MANCHESTER UNITED 2 - 1 NEWCASTLE UNITED

What a superb half of football punctuated by moments of individual brilliance and collective commitment - from both sides - and it's a pity the ref has to blow for time.

This match can swing any which way, so stick around, eh?

48' OH MY LORD! Isaac Hayden skips past Smalling like the Englishman doesn't even exist before opening himself up and smashing it straight at De Gea. Ritchie sends a wild effort back at goal, AND IT DEFLECTS OFF GAYLE'S KNEE AND FLIES JUST WIDE OF THE UNITED GOAL!

United won a corner which was worked short. Young got onto the ball, dipped in, and played an absolute peach of a ball that Smalling murderalises into the back of the net from three yards out. Superb goal, that.

46' GOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! CHRIS SMALLING!! UNITED LEAD!

45' Three minutes to be added on... CONTROVERSY! How is that not a penalty! Lukaku is almost undressed by Clark but the ref waves play on.

44' Jonjo Shelvey has a pop... always an interesting prospect... but this one thuds into De Gea's gloves.

43' OH HO! Jacob Murphy skins Mata and Young brilliantly but the veteran Englishman slides into him to stop further progress. The ball bounces around dangerously inside the United box but Smalling clears matters up with a blood-and-thunder sliding clearance that you can hear Tim Sherwood and co. orgasming to

42' United sense blood here and Martial tries a give and go with Mata that is just off.