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2800 years ago...in search of 'truth'!

Humor 05 Dec 2012, 12:22 IST

So as you may have heard, India has been suspended from Olympics by the IOC!

As a news (read rumor) monger, it is of utmost importance that I bring out the ‘truth’ behind this. It took a lot of rummaging through history, geography and mythology to unearth the biggest and the most unbelievable conspiracy since the beginning of time! (I myself could not believe it and had to pinch my roommate to realize I was not dreaming! He screamed in my ears and is now all bandaged!).

The story runs across centuries, across countries and across civilizations. Some important characters appear throughout the story, and this ‘revelation’ will change most of your preconceived notions. What appear to be mere coincidences at different periods of history, are in fact well thought out and executed plans!

Your life will never be the same again! (If you want to wake up tomorrow the same person as today, read further at your own risk!!)

Olympia, 776 BC

Lord, saviour and Olympic world record holder

He had just finished his ‘karma’ on Earth. But He had one last duty to fulfill before He left this place. He started building the Stadium of Olympia, as an honour to his father. Every four years, people from all over the world would come here and participate for the ultimate glory in the world of sport. His country, the most advanced civilization in the ancient world, would be the proud progenitor of these Games. But He would keep them in ignorance of this fact. They must not know the deeds of God.

The peacock feather in his crown flew gently in the breeze. He was Heracles.

Later, in the early 2nd century BC, the Greek scholar Megasthenes eventually discovered that Heracles was known in his country by many other names – one among them was Krishna. (Yes, the same cow-herd who defeated his uncle in Wrestling, was unmatched in ‘Discus’-throwing and touched the sky with his foot in ‘Gymnastics’! A worthy man to start the iconic Olympics.)

Greece, 323 AD

The Roman Empire laid siege to the Olympic Games and soon the name ‘Olympics’ was forgotten all over the world. Quietly, the Greeks hoped for retribution. But first, they had to revive the Games. They had clearly not forgotten the humiliation that they had suffered at the hands of India and were itching to pay back.

Panathenaic Stadium (modern day Panathinaikos Stadium), 1896 AD

Baron Pierre De Coubertin stood proudly on the podium, as the inauguration ceremony unfolded before him. He had managed to revive the Olympics. He had set up the International Olympics Committee and unlike the ancient Games, other countries had also been allowed to participate. It was just a matter of time before India would be invited to participate.

And, in the very next edition of the Olympics, India made its Olympic debut, blissfully unaware of the fact that it held the ‘Patent by Invention’ of the Games.

Athens, 1912 AD

Baron Pierre De Coubertin was deeply worried. India had not participated in the 3 editions after the one in 1900. He would be guilty of dereliction of the duty that his ancestors had passed on to him. He racked up through the pages of Bhagavatha Purana, a book about Heracles aka Krishna, the inventor of the Olympic Games, and flash in front of him was a the brilliant idea.

He had to design a symbol for the Games and he chose the 5-color rings symbol and the 6th color – white – as the background. The 5 colors will represent the 5 Pandavas, the closest friends of Heracles. The 6th color, white, which is an embodiment of all the other colors on Earth, would represent Heracles Himself. The sentiment would appeal to the Indians.

The 5 Rings were the 5 Pandavas. The White background was Krishna Himself!!

The plan worked. India re-entered Olympics in 1920. And in what style!!

Amsterdam, 1928 AD

India had picked up its first Gold medal, in its National Sport (this is the pre-RTI Yuga) Hockey. However, they could not be touched  yet, as they were being ruled by the British. The British are not one to be made enemies with, and hence, the IOC did not dare try anything aggressive against India. They had to silently watch India rake up Gold after Gold in 5 consecutive Games.

Melbourne, 1956 AD

‘India has finally settled after the Independence and the Partition. It is the apt time to start punching back. They would not be the same here anymore. We will send them packing, gradually… ’, said the IOC and a high pitched ‘Gabbar Singh’-ish laughter echoed across the Stadium.

(Here, readers will have to reflect back on India’s performance since 1956 till date. India could not win even in its traditional sports like Archery, Fencing etc, where the likes of Arjuna, Karna etc had made the world look back in their times. (Even Eklavya was a national record holder until he retired due to a thumb injury). Bronze became the new Gold and sometimes even those were won only because the opponent withdrew from the competition (those who do not have short term memory loss know what I am talking about).

India’s Report Card (Refused to be signed by parents!!)

In due course, even without reading this article, some Indians came to know the details of the origin of the Games. But they did not spread the word, out of fear of going against Him. Hence it remains a secret; well, at least until you innocently clicked the link to this page!! You are now ‘Enlightened’ and your salvation is near!

Lausanne, Dec 4th, 2012 AD

The IOC suspended India citing its “failure to comply with the Olympic Charter and its statutes and failure to inform the IOC in a timely manner”. Some insiders were overheard mocking about ‘not being  able to win enough gold to make even 5 rings’. The debt had been paid back 2500 years later and the length of the ‘payback period’ naturally attracted a lot of ‘interest’!!

So, what was the reason behind this ‘centuries-old’ desire for revenge and retribution?

Modern Day Punjab, 326 BC

The Great had fallen. Alexander could not cross the Ganges and had to turn back to Macedonia. (Centuries later, Steve Waugh would emulate him as he too failed to conquer the ‘Final Frontier’). He had ‘lost’ to India.

Alexander plunged into utter ignominy.  A one-time ‘many-time’ champion was reduced to an ‘all-time’ laughing stock. Soldiers could not believe they were now forced to turn to farms and mills.

India, Dec 4th, 2012 AD

India plunged into utter ignominy. A one-time ‘many-time’ champion was reduced to an ‘all-time’ laughing stock. Athletes could not believe they were now forced to register in Employment Exchanges. Vendetta Achieved!!

Athens, 326 BC

Greece was stunned into silence. Their beloved leader Alexander had just been defeated by a group of tribal warriors called Mauryas in the far away land of India. The seeds of hatred had been sown. Athens will have its revenge one day! After all, the path of revenge had been shown by one of their enemy himself – The Olympic Games!!

India, Dec 4th, 2012 AD

The IOA was last found searching Wikipedia for records of the battle between Alexander and Chandragupta Maurya, and was unavailable for comments. However, one official, who did not wish to be named, confided in us that there is a reference to this in the Bhagavath Gita. “When evil takes root, I will take birth’ says Lord Krishna. We plan to start a new version of the Games. We will hold it every year and bore the TV watcher further, after all the T20 and T20 and T20 cricket. We will have kabaddi, book cricket, gilli-dhanda and all our ancestral sports in it. We will be calling it… the ‘Sill’y-mpics”.

While it is all glee and fun to mock this situation, it deeply pains every true sport lover in this country. The tri-colour seldom appeared on the Olympic podium of late, but when it did, a hundred crore proudly saluted it together. A humble request, please keep politics away from sports.

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