Curtains for the IPL saga?

I'm in running for the oscars!!

At a press conference in Nagpur on the eve of the new year, BCCI President Shashank Manohar wished all Indian cricket fans a very happy new year. After that,he said,” I have a confession to make. The whole IPL saga that kept you engrossed in watching news channels throughout the year has come to an end. Regretful though the step that has been taken, I must announce now the end of the IPL saga.” He said cricket fans should not get dismayed at the prospect of not seeing him or N. Srinivasan on television or reading Lalit Modi’s tweets. He said that the BCCI was going to organize a tournament called the ICC Cricket World Cup and that although ODIs were no match for T20s in terms of entertainment, they also offered decent entertainment.

“I want to thank all the people involved. They have played their roles to perfection and have ensured that the IPL was the biggest soap opera for this year. The main protagonist, my good friend, Lalit Modi, was simply outstanding. He tricked yo into believing all that was real, didn’t he? Shashi Tharoor, N. Srinivasan, Mehmood Abdi and Sunil Gavaskar to name a few acted excellently and in fact they were better than seasoned actors like Shahrukh, Shilpa and Preity.

Once again, I profusely thank all our cast- the Bombay High Court, Justice B N Srikrishna, the Chennai Police and all other officials involved. Although it has been a great delight to direct and be a part of this show, we have some minor issues to look into which will keep us busy for the next three months. There is this small matter of hosting the ICC World Cup.

It was a huge surprise for me when Haroon Lorgat called me up yesterday to ask about our preparedness for the world cup. I asked, “Which world cup?” He said, “The ICC Cricket World Cup 2011 to be co hosted by India, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh“, he said. ”It was then that the bells rang in my ears. Immediately, I took the regretful and most painful decision of my life, to end the IPL drama. These are my newyear resolutions- to make the World Cup a huge success and not follow in Suresh Kalmadi’s footsteps. Hope I can stick to them.

Anyway, so there we are. We can successfully come to the end of IPL3. Stay tuned for IPL4. Hope you can find some other form of entertainment till then. This is Shashank Manohar, signing off for the IPL.

The other hot news this week is the rumor that New Zealand players accepted money from bookies to perform poorly in the final T20 match in Christchurch. New Zealand was beaten hollow by Pakistan and lost the match by 103 runs. This rumor has enraged Pakistani players. One player who did not wish to be named called our reporter. He spoke out saying, “This is rubbish. How can the bookies approach other cricketers when we are playing? Pakistanis are the best when it comes to fixing. We are very professional at it and do our job thoroughly. This is a shame on Pakistan cricket”, he said and threw his phone in a fit of rage.

“It is a far,far better thing that I do, than I have ever done”, Shashank said quoting Sydney Carton from the ‘Tale Of The Two Cities’ at the end of the press conference. As a fitting gesture, we end this article here and fully reciprocate the President’s wishes and pray that he won’t emulate the honorably dishonorable Suresh Kalmadi.

The author wishes to inform the readers that this is purely a work of fiction and there is no intention to malign or discredit any of the individuals mentioned.