Disclaimer: All of this is fabrication and is not meant to offend. Please don’t fine me.
Kumar Sangakkara, the Kings XI captain, hailed his team’s momentum during their latest game. Sangakkara, who was linked up to the commentators during the game, was asked what he felt about the team’s prospects after the fourth delivery of the fifth over was bowled. He said, “I think we have got much needed momentum now, and as you know, momentum is everything in this game. The last two deliveries have been bowled in the right areas and the boys are executing their plans very well, taking each ball one at a time.” Sangakkara was referring to two consecutive deliveries bowled by the (‘now stopping at all stations and at some fields too’) Kerala Express, S Sree Santh. One of them was a dot ball and the other a leg bye, reducing the batting team’s run rate by 0.44 and thus affording the Kings XI the aforementioned momentum.
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Preity Zinta, the team co-owner, promptly launched into a bhangra when the leg bye was taken thinking that it was a leg before wicket dismissal. On being curtly informed by Tom Moody that it was only a leg bye, and after a long moment of confusion, she immediately called up Lalit Modi, aka LKM, asking him to brand leg byes and LBW’s differently so she can make out which is what. LKM, never to let go of an opportunity, has signed up a fitness academy as the sponsor for all extras from now on. Robin Jackman is said to be thrilled at the news and has climbed aboard the blimp-that-isn’t-a-blimp to profess his gratitude to LKM for adding some more brands to his limited commentary vocabulary.
Earlier in the day, Navjot Singh Siddhu was in the news for taking out the stadium sound system when he responded to Ravi Shastri’s uber-rhetorical shout to the crowd at the toss, “Are you ready?” Siddhu’s reply, “Ravi, my dear friend, I am as ready as the goose that’s been cooking for two score centuries in my grandmother’s oven”, though originating from the broadcaster’s studio, was loud enough to destroy all the acoustic sensibilities of the sound systems. Fortunately, Ravi Shastri himself was unaffected as his ear drums have been permanently shattered by his own voice which resembles my great-uncle shouting over the telephone during the trunk-call era.
Impressed by this bravura performance, Siddhu has been appointed as the ambassador for the Kings XI team. He is in charge of the cheer-leading duties. And the cheer-leaders. To show how earnest he was about his duties, Siddhu stationed himself beyond the long-off boundary. As David Warner was settling under yet another skier, Siddhu yelled out “One who keeps his eyes on the sky, loses his balance and trips on even the tiniest blade of grass my friend, like a snail trying to hurry to the arms of his long-lost lover”. Warner was helpless against this assault and promptly collapsed onto the ground. Miraculously, the ball stuck between his feet as he lay prone and he completed another Karbonn Kamaal catch. In recognition of his superlative catching efforts, the IPL is likely to re-name Warner as Karbonn Kamaal Catch Khan. On hearing this, the original Kamaal Khaan of Bigg Boss fame has threatened to sue the IPL, failing which, he will form an alternative team comprising Rakhi Sawant and himself to take on the winner of this edition of the IPL.
Further developments are awaited.
