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Satire: 5 Professions Indian athletes can adopt if the country is barred from the Olympics

Humor 04 Dec 2012, 21:50 IST

Disclaimer: This article is fictional and is meant to be in jest. 

This might not come in as a huge surprise. We, the people of India have seen a lot when it comes to Olympics; from drug abuse to scams to collapsing bridges. In a letter to the Indian Olympic Association (IOA), the IOC said it will propose the country’s suspension at its executive board meeting if the elections are not held strictly on the basis of the Olympic Charter and the IOA constitution. And what if this happens? What will the athletes do? Well, there are a few alternative professions:

1) Teachers and Coaches

This is perhaps the only ‘respectable’ job in terms of sticking to conventionalities in this list. In a country of more than 1.2 billion people, it’s not hard to find someone whom you can drill some sense or non-sense into. Offer a degree certificate, like a “Dhanraj Pillai Certificate of Perpetual Legendary-ness” or an “Abhinav Bindra School of ‘Bird Watching” certificate and you’re there. You’ll see rich parents enrolling their kids for these courses. Mint money.

2) Bouncers

With the nation coming under the influence of western culture, club culture is on the rise. And so is ‘vulgar behaviour’. Parties are in vogue and so is getting sloshed. This leads to indecent behaviour which necessitates bouncers! And who better than all our boxers and weight lifters? It’s better to punch a live face as compared to a bag, isn’t it?

3) Policemen

Well, our archers and shooters don’t fare too badly at the Olympics. They might be a tad bit over qualified for the job of a policeman but they’ll have to do something. Kids no longer dream of wearing the ‘Khakee’; they’re much more interested in becoming the next Zuckerberg, but unfortunately for our athletes, the time has passed away. The archers and shooters should become policemen.

4) Thieves

And once we’ve incorporated these athletes into the police force, they’ll need some work to do. Crime will keep them busy but if at all the number of police overshadows, we can have the runners turn into thieves. This will create employment for the P.T.Usha’s of the world and also keep the Gagan Narang‘s of the world busy.

5) Drug Traffickers

Come on, let’s not hide it. Performance enhancement is the name of the game. We’ve a thriving market within the athlete community and an even more vibrant one in the outside world. The athletes can easily merge with the bigger pool and strengthen this multi-billion dollar industry!

This proves that nothing is lost! Where there is a will, there is a way!

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