Satire: Venue for IPL 7 decided

N Srinivasan into the act

With the Indian Home Ministry not ready to provide security for the IPL matches during the 2014 general elections, confusions were looming large on where the tournament is going to be held. South Africa was the most talked about choice, with Bangladesh, Sri Lanka and the UAE in contention, as well. Sources from the BCCI had earlier told that a part of IPL 7 will be held outside India and the remainder of the tournament will be played at home. The dates and the venues were to be announced a week ago, but the fans were kept waiting by cricket’s most powerful body.

N Srinivasan finally broke the news this morning announcing the host country and venues for the 7th edition of the Indian Premier League. “After a long discussion with my astrologer and several other cricket enthusiasts, we have come to a decision. This year’s IPL will be held in…cough cough…Bangkok.”

The capital of Thailand, famous for shopping amidst various other things, will be the new venue for the Indian Premier League. “Yes, we said there won’t be any cheerleaders on the field in this year’s IPL. But we have now decided to pack half the stadium with Thailand’s cheerleaders. I’m trying to be nice by using the word cheerleaders,” he added.

This decision of the BCCI has been welcomed with open arms by the young cricket fans, who always wanted to find a reason to go to Bangkok. “Now I can proudly go to my dad and say that I’m going to Bangkok,” an 18-year-old massage enthusiast said. Thailand is expected to make huge profits through the IPL deal that they’ve cracked with cricket’s most powerful board.

Virat Kohli, in a tweet of his, mentioned, “Enough of theory. Time for practicals,” talking about his Gaalis. Suresh Raina also vowed to learn to tackle bouncers and excel in the after parties at Bangkok.

Ravi Shastri, speaking to the media, said, “This is just what the doctor ordered for the young talent in India. All three results are possible here, and it will certainly go down to the wire.”

N Srinivasan also spoke about the other options the board had considered before arriving at this decision. “We were thinking of shifting the general elections to another country or postponing it, but we eventually decided to be a little nice to the politicians who allow us to be as corrupt as we are,” he said. On reducing the impact of bookies and fixers on the game of cricket, N Srinivasan said, “Their attention will be elsewhere in Bangkok. They’ll easily be caught if they try to multitask.”

A reporter, who also happens to be a fan of the movie Hangover, asked, “Bangkok experiences 15000 power outages per year; would that affect the night games?”, to which N Srinivasan said, “We’ll only have day games. There are better games to be played during the night and power outages help in that case.”

Disclaimer: The article is a work of fiction and should not be confused with reality.