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Have you come across the word daddy issues? It's often used loosely to describe relationships with others that particularly stem from the relationship you shared with your father. While the mental health community may not use the word daddy issues explicity, the impact and effect is very real.
As it's used casually, it becomes important to know about its real meaning and the context in which it can be used other. While it's primarily used for women, it's equally applicable for young men.
What are daddy issues?
You would have heard that people often say that women look for characteristics and traits in a partner that are similar to their father figure.
That's not just a myth, but a lot of times the type of relationship you share with your father influences your current relationship. We develop a bond with our primary caregivers as children. This bond serves as a mental object or reference point for our relationships in the future.
When this bond is not strengthened by love, security and care, it becomes damaging both as a child and an adult. Attachment issues influence the way we bond with other people and not necessarily only with romantic partners.
Daddy issues is a term to describe these emotional and psychological challenges faced due to a disorganized parenting. If you have experienced abuse, distancing, emotional neglect or any similar behavior, you're likely to form an anxious attachment style.
How to know if you have daddy issues: Recognizing the signs of daddy issues
These issues are a set of emotional and behavioral patterns that a person develops.
They can look differently for every one and can create interpersonal difficulties. As it's difficult for the child to build trust, it becomes similarly challenging for that adult to form intimate relationships. Even though their partner may be comforting and supportive, a person with daddy issues is likely to continue feeling insecure.
That often stems from a low sense of self-esteem and self-worth. A person with these issues is likely to feel 'not good enough' for their partner, which often stems from an invalidating parental relationship. If you're experiencing these issues, it's likely that you have not received loving and supportive words from your parents. Instead, you have been ridiculed or scolded for expressing your needs.
Naturally, you will also have difficulties setting limits for yourself. You might place extremely rigid or porous boundaries in romantic relationships. It becomes difficult for you to reflect on your needs and wants as a partner.
Typically, you may struggle with emotional regulation. You may find it challenging to deal with difficult emotions and may constantly experience the fear of abandonment.
How to deal with daddy issues?
Recognizing and accepting that you may have unresolved emotions associated to your father-child relationship can be a daunting experience.
You should know that you're not the only one experiencing it and that it's not a pleasant experience of being called out for daddy issues. It's essential to know that it's normal to experience these feelings and typical to seek help.
That reflection can come from working with a mental health professional. They can help identify your attachment patterns, work around your emotions and help you learn coping strategies to enhance your relationships.
While we want to move on from our past, it's sometimes necessary to look back at patterns and experiences that may be impacting your present thoughts, feelings and behavior. A mental health professional with training in psychodynamic therapy may be best suited for you.
There are multiple ways in which you can achieve a sense of balance and harmony in your relationship with your parents. Forgiveness can be a long way home, but it can start with acceptance and movement towards a better life.
It's important to reiterate the fact that daddy issues is not a medically recognized term and should not be used loosely. The emotional damage that you experience requires attention and care.
This term is not meant for labelling and can stop individuals from seeking professional help. A mental health professional who has expertise in working with attachment styles can help you break away from the chain of daddy issues. You can learn to enhance your relationships without the past haunting you.
Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a Master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.
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