SATIRE: the Champions League should be a part of the Winter Olympics - BCCI

After the abysmal performance of the IPL teams in the ongoing Champions League that is being held in South Africa, the BCCI has come down heavily on the organizers for failing to control the weather in South Africa.

Said a spokesperson, ‘As you can visibly see, the conditions in South Africa are just untenable for playing cricket. How can you possibly expect the Indian players who are accustomed to playing at temperatures of 25-35 degrees to play in sub-zero temperatures of 15 degrees? It is preposterous. What is this? The Winter Olympics?!

He continued, ‘We would like to make it officially known that the organizers ought to be ashamed of themselves for failing to control the climate in South Africa. If this were held in India, we would have so easily made sure that all matches were played in sweltering heat, a condition that is diametrically opposite to the freezing cold of South Africa, and which is the best climate to play cricket in. Why? Because it suits us the best.

‘In addition, I see that some matches are played at altitudes of something like 6000 feet above sea level. What is this? A skiing competition? A few feet further and we could be playing atop Mount Everest. This is just unpardonable. We at the BCCI believe in fair play and in the interest of fair play, we strongly believe that this is unacceptable. Rest assured, we will be taking this matter up with the ICC.

He added, ‘We are going to strongly pitch to the ICC to have matches henceforth in neutral venues only. By neutral venues, we mean in India, of course. You might think that we are being biased but look at the bare facts: India is the home of the IPL and IPL is the second home of many foreign players, coaches, physios, other staff, tourists and just about anyone else you can think of; and not think of. Hence, there can be no doubt that India is the most neutral of neutral venues and we strongly moot for all further editions of the Champions League to be hosted in neutral India.’

When quizzed about the exception among the IPL teams in the competition, viz, the Delhi Daredevils, he said, ‘One swallow does not make a summer.’ Visibly quite pleased at his pun, he added, ‘See what I did there? I cleverly manipulated a saying to emphasize my point. Ha!’

This is no new claim by the BCCI. It may be remembered that not long ago, the BCCI declared the World T20 a warm-up tournament. The ICC is still waiting for an official report from the BCCI. Watch this space for more.