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Loving someone who has depression is not an easy thing, and it's not easy to have depression either.
A lot of times when we try to help our loved ones who are depressed, we try to be there for them, and do things for them we think are helpful but are not. It's not our fault, as we have good intentions, but there are some things we need to know about loving someone who has depression.
There are things we need to know about what's helpful and what might not be. We also need to be aware of how they experience depression and why they sometimes treat us the way they do, and what some of these things can mean.
Ways to Support Your Partner through Depression
Depression is a complex disorder and your support is crucial. Although you can't treat your partner's depression, you can aid in their recovery.
Here are six ways in which you can support your partner through depression:
1) Be Mindful of Your Words
There are things we think are helpful but are not. Statements like, "You just need to get out of the house", or "You just need to look on the bright side", or "You need to think positive", or "You just need to get some fresh air and you'll feel better".
Saying things like these to someone who's depressed doesn't help them feel better, as depression is not just a matter of having a bad day or feeling sad. It's a mental illness and is not something a person can help or just get over.
Saying things like the above can often make them feel even more helpless, as they can't just get over it. Some of the things we can say that are helpful and meaningful are: "I believe in you", "I love you and care for you", "I am here to support you.
By being honest and genuine and using words of encouragement, you can support your partner through depression.
2) Avoid Advice
Offering advice is a very typical habit in all of us. This is not only for those with depression, but people in general don't like it when they are offered advice. Telling someone who has depression what they should or shouldn't do can make them feel bad.
Even if it's coming from a good place where someone with depression is hearing stuff like that again, it makes them feel helpless and frustrated. Instead, you can ask them, "What have you tried?, "What things have you found helpful?
3) Encourage Treatment
Many people with depression experience symptoms that are evident enough to interfere with daily activities, including work, school, social interactions, or romantic relationships.
However, others might not be aware that they are depressed. They might not be aware of the signs of depression and might believe that the emotions of the depressed people are something that must put up with.
People frequently believe that they simply need to wish themselves better, yet depression rarely improves without treatment. By advocating therapy and being there at appointments, you can support your partner.
4) Encourage and Remain Active
What if your partner rejects therapy? Even if you may feel hopeless, strive to maintain your optimism, as depression is usually treatable. Up to 90% people with depression recover with treatment, even though your spouse might need to continue taking their medicine and/or attend therapy for a few months.
The most crucial thing is to show them love. You might feel unwelcome, but it depends on the circumstances, and their actions are only a symptom of their depression. Invite them to engage in more enjoyable things together. Exercise or do anything active.
5) Focus on Small Goals
Depression can be extremely overpowering. Even the simple act of getting out of bed can seem like an enormous task for someone who's very depressed.
You can support your partner by establishing realistic goals and praising minor accomplishments throughout the day. Your partner can begin to resume normal daily activities by breaking down larger tasks (such as applying for new jobs) into smaller ones (such as updating their resume, writing a cover letter, or researching job opportunities).
6) Keep Learning
While a period of at least two weeks of sad mood, loss of interest or pleasure is required for major depressive disorder, depression is not a static illness.
People who suffer from depression may enjoy several days in a row of pleasant moods before falling back into deep despair. Depression has an ebb and flow that loved ones don't always comprehend. It's important to keep learning and looking out for signs and symptoms of depression.
Takeaway
Depression can have a detrimental impact on relationships by causing conflict, disengagement, and poor communication. You may experience loneliness and isolation. Others may be concerned and apprehensive about their depressed partner's general well-being if they're having a bad day.
It's crucial to find communities of support to aid spouses in overcoming depression jointly because of how complicated depression is and how it can impact both partners in many ways.
Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a Master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.
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