Five stages of grief: Navigating loss and healing

Grief is a primary emotion experienced by all human beings. Many theorists have come up with the theories of how we process loss, and one of the most significant theories is the five stages of grief.

This theory was introduced by Kubler Ross, a psychiatrist who was interested in understanding our emotional journey after experiencing a loss.

Why do we need stages to understand grief? Why is grief given so much importance? The experience of loss can look differently for everyone. For some, it's losing a loved one; for others, it may be undergoing a major transition or when a relationship ends. There is no comparison in the way you experience loss.

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What are the five stages of grief?

The five stages of grief is one of the first theories to follow an individual's emotional journey. (Image via Pexels/Rdne Stock)

Five stages of grief is not a linear model. Yes, the steps are written in an order. However, we now recognize that the process after experiencing a loss is very unique and complex in nature. The theory may be a simplistic representation of what individuals may experience.

In reality, most of us shift in between the stages or remain stuck in one of them for a long time. Grief is influenced by various factors, internal and external to the individual.

The following are the five stages of grief:

Stage 1: Denial

Denial is one of the five stages of loss and can last the longest. (Image via Pexels/Pavel)

Denial is a defense mechanism that's generally activated in the face of something that's traumatic or extremely stressful.

It's an avoidance coping mechanism that protects an individual from the overwhelming feelings of loss and pain. Denial is a typical response and should not be seen negatively.

A person may self-isolate, ignore the facts and convince themselves that they have not experienced the loss. Temporarily, it can be helpful, but in the long term, it can influence a person's mental health.

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Stage 2: Anger

After an individual is able to acknowledge the loss, it's met with a rush of negative emotions.

In most cases, an individual expresses anger and frustration at what they have lost. This anger might be directed at the self, for instance, if they have lost a loved one, they may feel that they're responsible for the situation. The anger may be directed at other people or even a higher power.

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Stage 3: Bargaining

The five stages of grief should be seen as circular and not linear. (Image via Unsplash/The good)

We all look for a sense of control after experiencing a loss. As a result of that, we begin to bargain.

You may in your head bargain with God, to return the person or experience back to you. You accept the defeat or loss, but at the same time, want a way out or something for yourself.

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Stage 4: Depression

When the bargaining fails, which is in most cases, the person experiences a significant amount of dread and sadness.

To be clear, depression here is not the same as major depressive disorder. What Ross wanted to draw our attention was towards the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness an individual experiences during bereavement.

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Stage 5: Acceptance

What does acceptance look like in the five stages of grief? (Image via Unsplash/Shane)

This is perhaps the toughest among the five stages of grief. While it's a single word, for most individuals it can be a long journey to reach the stage of acceptance.

Here, acceptance does not simply mean forgetting about the loss. Rather, it involves moving forward with the experience and incorporating it in your life.

Some individuals also engage in grieving rituals that help them to move forward in their journey. Acceptance is difficult, and you don't have to force yourself into it. A mental health professional can take you through these stages while acknowledging that the five stages of grief are not set in stone.

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Ross introduced the five stages of processing grief in 1969. This framework provides a valuable lens through which to understand the complex emotional journey following a significant loss. It's best to see as individuals moving through these stages circularly and randomly.

All humans have the ability to heal and learn ways to grieve. However, the wounds can leave different scars on different individuals. The five stages of grief adds to our understanding of grief but should not be seen as the only theory to explore this complex emotion.

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Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a Master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.

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