Is self-gaslighting real? How can I stop engaging in it?

Gaslighting is a type of manipulation technique and self-gaslighting is an internal voice that makes you question your own reality. Unfortunately, when we have others around us who invalidate our experiences or belittle our feelings, we may end up doing that to ourselves. You may tell yourself that you are being 'too sensitive', or that perhaps you are 'overthinking it'.

Self-gaslighting makes you invalidate your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. As a consequence, you force or convince yourself that things are not as bad and that you need to control your reactions.

You end up taking responsibility for things and experiences you are not responsible for. It is not uncommon for us to second-guess ourselves. However, if it happens too frequently and causes distress, it can lead to gaslighting patterns.

Self gaslighting is a form of self-doubt. (Image via Pexels/ Andres Ayrton)

---

What is self-gaslighting?

Self doubt can creep in anytime and undermine your sense of worth. (Image via Pexels/ Andres Ayrton)

Self-gaslighting is not the same as self-doubt. While both of these are associated with your self-worth and self-esteem, self-gaslighting is more pervasive and negative in its effects. It instills a feeling of doubt as well as shame. Most of us are familiar with gaslighting, which is an emotional manipulation tactic often used to instill doubt and fear.

Gaslighting happens externally, but self gaslighting develops internally. It is often a product of growing up in toxic and threatening environments. It is possible that your parents or caregivers criticised or questioned you when you expressed your thoughts and emotions.

This injects doubt into your mind and you prohibit yourself from expressing your needs. You call yourself 'needy' and it often adds to your low self-esteem.

---

How can you break free from the effects of self-gaslighting?

Is there a way to stop self gaslighting? (Image via Pexels/ Pavel Danilyuk)

Any form of gaslighting harms your emotional health. The first step is to acknowledge that you have been doubting your reality. This realization in itself can be difficult, so take your time to fully grasp the impact of gaslighting yourself. Once you feel ready, you can try and take the following steps:

1. Choose self-validation

Gaslighting yourself can be dealt with when you start acknowledging your reality. This means that you quit doubting yourself and try to validate your experience. While self-gaslighting can sound like, 'I am being over dramatic', validating yourself can sound like, 'My feelings are valid even if others don't agree.'

---

2. Positive self-talk and self-compassion

Positive self-talk can become a tool for fighting self-gaslighting. (Image via Pexels/ Sam Lion)

Talking to yourself positively can be hard if you have always criticized yourself or your behavior. You may even feel that you are faking it. However, as much as your inner critic enjoys discouraging you, positive self-talk boosts and enhances you. This slowly but surely helps you build a more positive self-image.

---

3. Therapy

If your negative self-talk stems from traumatic experiences, the above two techniques may not be enough. Through psychotherapy, you can learn in-depth about your thought patterns and coping strategies to help you self-soothe. The mental health professional is also an objective guide to reflecting on your thoughts and feelings.

---

Self-gaslighting can be detrimental to your well-being. In the long term, it can make you question who you are and what you need. By working on these patterns, you can not only manage your self-talk but also cultivate a healthier relationship with yourself.

---

Janvi Kapur is a counselor with a Master's degree in applied psychology with a specialization in clinical psychology.

---

What do you think of this story? Tell us in the comments section below.