Satire: The Institute of Premier League - An Analogy

At the Institute of Premier League (IPL),

CSK is like the consistent college topper. He competes with himself. He manages his time well. Buys the right books, makes proper notes and has been a consistent 9 pointer every semester, earning respect as well. He utilizes foreign authored books well and is resourceful in using the local authors as well. He even went to a foreign university on scholarship and dominated there as well (Champions League).

Hyderabad is like the student who once suffered the ignominy of a year-back but emerged on top the next semester (real inspiration) but has since been in a dilemma whether to work hard again or wait for other students to flunk so he could be in the limelight again.

Rajasthan is like this unknown, young, inexperienced village boy no one expected anything from. Surprising everyone, he came on top, winning hearts and accolades in the first semester. But he struggled after that with the extreme hardship and burden the expectations bring along.

Kings XI Punjab is this enthusiastic hostel dweller who prepared well in the first semester but messed up his priorities after that. With no one imposing discipline on him, he spent all day watching Preity Zinta movies. Studied at the last minute and didn’t care enough to make timely submissions. Did manage to pass, but was that enough? Yes, at least for him.

Mumbai, a real Indian deep down, is the brightest. He has the potential to be the finest, considering his performance throughout every semester, every minor and major, internal and external. But unfortunately, he succumbs to his exam-phobia and misses the chances (choker). However, he overcame his choking skills and received the ever eluding gold medal he so came close to once. (read IPL Championship).

Pune Warriors is the lateral entry student who, eventually, realised he has run into an unfamiliar and hostile stream. Dodging and clearing backlogs is really going to be tough.

Kolkata is this spoiled management quota brat, always showing off, banking on the reputation of his parents. Tired of all criticism owing to his failure to perform till fourth semester, he shut everyone up securing a mind-boggling percentage in the fifth semester and the serial topper CSK was put to shame. But having tasted roaring success once, he couldn’t keep his feet on the ground and failed miserably the next semester. He borrowed a pretty big, bulky book from good friend Rajasthan (it had 999 pages). It doesn’t cover too many significant topics from the syllabus but he just likes tagging it along, hoping someday an exam will have questions from the book (talking about Yusuf Pathan)

RCB is the kid from a rich background with booze-and-air-hostess loving parents. He was the back-bencher-best-bro-forever with Hyderabad. They flunked in first semester together and then both secured a very good percentage the next semester. But they parted ways after differences started creeping up. RCB has been over-dependent on a single book (CH Gayle) and they also bought a last-min preparation guide from Delhi (AB devilliers) which has been reliable for them as compared to its original owners who misjudged its worth.

Kochi Tuskers (lateral entry student) was the aspiring young student who was fascinated by after-school life and wanted to live the hype of the college life. But tragedy struck and the education loan got denied so he had to drop out. He was ragged badly and hammered around for the one semester he was in business. Literally, he had his tusks removed.

And Delhi… umm…err… Let’s just say, he has really been a ‘devilish’ pain in his own a**. He believes that rock bottom would give him a push towards glory, upwards. But there aren’t that many semesters at his disposal. He is a student who prepares hard once in a while, then goes to the exam centre and just smokes a cigarette, sitting outside. Relies too much on foreign authors.

Disclaimer: This is a satire written with humorous intent and should not be taken seriously