Ask Yazad - The most burning cricketing questions answered

Q. Australia had unique animal nicknames for their cricketers, ‘Pup’ for Michael Clarke and ‘Pigeon’ for Glenn McGrath to name a few. What are some potential nicknames for the current bunch, continuing with the animal motif? – The Real Crocodile Dundee.

A. That’s an interesting question. Although judging current form, all the animals in the world aren’t going to help Australia beat England. For starters, Glenn Maxwell could be called the ‘sloth’, he does sit around doing nothing (yes I know it’s not his fault they don’t pick him). Phil Hughes could be called the ‘sitting duck’. The ‘Grim Reaper’ might be more appropriate given the way he scythes the ball, but you wanted animals. You could make a case for the ‘Lesser Spotted Warner’, but that doesn’t seem catchy enough.

Seems legit…

Q. Why won’t Sachin Tendulkar just retire? – Ungrateful Dimwit.

A. Don’t. Just don’t. NEXT!

Q. My friend told me Shikhar Dhawan reminded him of ‘Gabbar’. Who is this person and what does he mean by that? – Guy who hasn’t seen Sholay.

A. Firstly, Gabbar is the name of the villain in ‘Sholay’, one of the greatest movies ever. Well, I can see your friend’s point of view. With his impressive moustache, Dhawan does look like a Hindi movie villain. Naturally, Gabbar is the first name that came to mind. He has fast hands and Gabbar’s obsession with hands is well known (watch the film). However, Dhawan is a very free flowing and aggressive batsman, and when he gets going it doesn’t matter how many men are fielding (seriously, just watch the film). So I would have to say that your friend is partially right in his assessment.

Q. What did AB de Villiers mean when he said ‘We’ll come out like a pack of wolves’ before South Africa’s match against India? – Confused cricket fan.

A. My best guess is that De Villiers wanted to intimidate the Indians. Wolves are ferocious beasts, after all. However, the big bad wolf, Dale Steyn, wasn’t fit and Morne Morkel broke down mid-way. So instead of a pack of snarling ruthless wolves, the Indian batsmen encountered a bunch of lost puppies. Another reason I can think of is the fact that wolves encounter no problem swallowing their prey, and they very rarely choke. Also, and I know this one is a bit out there, the South African captain might have decided to take a break from training and watch the new ‘Hangover’ movie.

Q. Why do commentators keep saying ‘Its their game to lose’?- Bored of clichés.

A. Why try and understand what’s going on inside an excitable commentators head? Its not really a place you want to be. However, I will attempt to answer this question to the best of my ability. See, the days of Richie Benaud are sadly gone, commentators feel the need to say something even when they don’t really need to. So they say its their game to lose, to spice things up a bit. Its quite all right in some cases, say when 50 runs are required from the last 10 with 5 wickets in hand. With 5 runs required from 2 overs, its quite annoying. Sometimes, zealous commentators like Russel Arnold try to put the fabled ‘commentator’s curse’ on the opposition, hoping that by doing so, their team will win. When South Africa plays, its simply code for ‘will they choke?’ A useful cliché indeed.

That’s all for now, leave your questions as comments.